Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
Angela was nervous, she had got to the café thirty minutes early to make sure she could get a table that was tucked away in the corner, to give them some privacy.
This was going to be difficult enough without anyone listening in to her conversation.
She hadn’t told Cain what she was doing, as she wanted to judge her son’s reaction first. He might tell her to stay away from him and get out of his life for good.
Then there would be no reason to tell Cain.
No matter how hard she tried, the guilt tainted her so deep inside it made her hate herself if she thought about it too much.
She couldn’t face the rejection if Cain shunned her as well as her son.
She had the well-worn bunny with her that she was going to offer to him; it would help her explain that she’d wanted to be in his life, but that Susan and Jim had shunned her.
They had refused to let her be there, not even watching from the sidelines, and she had never forgiven either of them for that.
When Susan and Jim had died in the head-on collision, she hadn’t even felt bad; in fact she had probably gloated a little more than she should.
She had read about it in the newspaper as it had been front-page news.
It had made her cry, although not for Susan or Jim, but for herself and her son.
She had wanted to reach out to him then, to offer him some comfort and let him know he wasn’t alone, but she’d been too scared.
It had been too long since he’d been taken from her, and he was probably traumatised enough without her turning up and announcing she was his birth mum.
She had gone to the funeral and kept to the back of the church, wearing a hat, keeping her head low in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the man he had become, but there had been too many mourners to even see to the front of the pews where the family were sitting.
Then her nerves getting the better of her she had crept out before the end of the service.
Better to leave him alone. What would her turning up in his life do to him now?
Angela had got on the train and cried into a tissue all the way back home. Karma was real and although it had taken a very long time for Susan to get hers, she had in the end, as had Jonathan.
Every time the door opened, she glanced up, fear and a lot of hope in her eyes.
She wondered what he would think about her pink hair and small tattoos.
Would he be embarrassed or would he not care?
If she’d raised him, he wouldn’t care one little bit, but the family he’d been left with were the biggest snobs she had ever known, judgemental too.
She didn’t really want her latte but she sipped it anyway.
Her stomach was in knots and it was making her feel queasy.
A few couples walked in, and she looked away before they could see the desperation in her eyes.
Checking her phone to see if he’d messaged to cancel, there wasn’t anything since he’d said he’d meet her here.
The door jingled once more and this time there was a handsome young man standing there looking around, scanning the tables that were mainly couples and friends meeting for coffee. Eventually his gaze fell on her. She was the only person sitting on their own, and he smiled, mouthing, ‘Angela?’
She smiled, nodding emphatically. Her eyes filling with tears she had to bite the inside of her cheek to try and stop them from spilling down her face and making him run a mile before they’d even had the chance to talk.
He walked over to her and pulled out a chair. ‘Can I get you a fresh coffee?’
She shook her head. ‘I’m good, thanks, let me get yours?’
‘No, it’s okay. Won’t be a minute, I’m on a quick break and need some brain fuel. It’s been one hell of a day so far.’
He joined the queue, and she had to stop herself from watching him like some crazy stalker.
He was wearing a smart suit, white shirt with a brightly coloured tie.
He looked so handsome and unfortunately a lot like Jonathan did when he had dressed up for important client meetings at the office.
He shared the same coloured eyes as his father and wore his hair in a similar style to how Jonathan had back when they were married.
Angela couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever questioned the striking similarities between himself and his uncle Jonathan because he looked nothing like Susan or Jim.
Why would he? He wasn’t their baby, he was hers and Jonathan’s that thought sent a fresh wave of pain through her heart.
But he was here now and like it or not, regardless of the consequences, she was going to tell him the truth, no matter how painful it was.
He carried a tray over with a cappuccino and two pieces of flapjack, passing one to Angela.
‘I don’t want to eat on my own, but the flapjack is amazing. It’s better than Mum’s and she could cook a mean chocolate flapjack.’
Angela nodded. ‘Susan was always very good at baking. She could put her hand to any recipe and it always tasted good.’
She reached out her hand. ‘Angela.’
He took it and shook it gently. ‘Hi, Angela, secret wife of stuffy Uncle Jonathan who I never knew existed. Who knew, eh, after all this time?’
She smiled. ‘He was stuffy, wasn’t he?’
He laughed. ‘He really was, such a stick in the mud, in his own words. I’m intrigued, what can I do for you?
I mean, I don’t know if I can be of any use to you.
I didn’t really see much of him; he was always working and rarely came to Mum’s unless it was Christmas and he had to put in an appearance.
Why did you guys divorce and why did I not know you existed? ’
She took a gulp of the lukewarm latte and found it hard to swallow. The liquid felt as if it had turned to stone. ‘It was complicated, one day he decided he hated me a lot, so he threw me out and that was that.’
He was nodding at her. ‘Yeah, I can see him doing that. If you didn’t serve a purpose, he wouldn’t want you hanging around. What did you do, though, Angela? Why did he hate you? I mean, he wasn’t the nicest of people, but I don’t see him turning on you out of the blue for no good reason.’
She felt beads of perspiration beginning to form on her brow. She couldn’t talk about it here, in public, when she hadn’t spent more than five minutes in his company. What had she been thinking? This was so unfair to him.
‘It was so awful, I can’t really talk about it here. I just wanted to meet you in person that’s all, sorry. I know I sound like a weirdo, and I apologise for dragging you here and wasting your time.’
He pushed half of his flapjack into his mouth, nodding his head.
‘There is some big secret then?’
Suddenly Angela didn’t want to be here, she was in too deep. All she could do was nod her head.
He smiled at her. ‘I think I know what you’re going to tell me, so why don’t I tell you what I’m thinking, and you can say if I’m right or if I’m completely wrong.’
She nodded. ‘I’ll try.’
‘Are you my birth mum?’
A high-pitched gasp escaped her lips, but she nodded. The word didn’t want to come out, and she had to force it. ‘Yes.’
‘You’re right, we shouldn’t have this conversation in public.
Would you like to come to my flat? I’ll let work know I’m taking the rest of the day off and I can make us some supper.
I cook a mean Bolognese, we can talk in private, and you can explain to me everything that I’ve been puzzling over the last couple of months. How does that sound?’
‘You’re not angry?’
‘Why would I be angry? There must be a very good reason that you weren’t involved in my entire life up to now, and I would bet anything it had to do with Susan, Jim and Jonathan.
If you didn’t meet their expectations, then you were surplus to requirements and if there was a good reason for Susan to take me in, it must have meant you needed help, and I bet none of those three offered it to you. ’
Angela couldn’t speak; she pulled a tissue from her sleeve and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. ‘I’ve longed for this moment all of my life.’
‘Then you better not say no to my Bolognese because you owe me that at least.’ He winked at her, and she laughed.
‘I would love to taste your cooking. You have no idea how many times I’ve wished to meet you, I would never say no.’
‘Good, come on. Are you in a car?’
She nodded.
‘I’ll drive, leave yours here, the parking is rubbish in my street. I’ll bring you back after if that’s okay.’
‘Thank you, that would be great.’
He drained his coffee and stood up; Angela did the same.
He opened the door for her and, when she was outside, she didn’t notice how he turned around to see how many people had taken notice of them leaving, and to check if there were any CCTV cameras inside of the busy café.