Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
CHELSEA
I knew something was wrong before Bo even went upstairs with his dad. The way his dad had looked at me during the meal, I just knew. He knows who I am. And he’s probably upstairs, telling Bo everything right now.
His mom and sisters are talking, mostly to each other, and I’m smiling and nodding like I should, but dread is brewing in my belly the longer I sit here, waiting for Bo to come back. Honestly, I’m half tempted to just walk out and get an Uber back to my apartment.
I keep glancing over toward the elevators, trying not to be obvious about my growing discomfort. And when his mom asks me a question, I’m so lost in thought that I miss hearing it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you. The music seems to be getting louder in here.”
“Right? I thought so too. I can barely hear myself.” Caroline giggles.
“I just asked if you were going back to Florida for Christmas.” His mom lays her hand on top of mine. She’s very touchy.
“Oh, I’m not really sure yet. Maybe.” I try to smile, but it probably looks more like a grimace.
I look back at the elevators just as the doors to one slide open and Bo steps out. His jaw is tight, eyes stormy, and the first thing he does is drag a hand through his hair.
He strides toward me, his shoulders rigid, his steps quick and deliberate. I push up from my seat, heart kicking hard against my ribs because I’m not sure if I should stay put … or start running.
“Mom, Sav, Caroline, we have to go. Mom, thank you for lunch. I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon.” He takes my hand and starts to pull me away.
I look over my shoulder at them and wave. “Thank you so much. It was nice to meet y’all.”
They wave back, and I can see their mouths moving, but I can’t hear what they’re saying because we walk right by the loud piano playing. I try to pull my hand from his, but he holds tighter.
When we get outside the hotel, I stop walking and yank my hand out of his hold. “Bo, stop.” My heart is racing. “What is going on?”
I just want him to tell me something. I want to know if I’m right.
He paces for a minute, then turns to look at me, hands on his hips. “I’m sorry. Let’s just go. I’ll tell you about it in the car.”
He holds out his hand to me again, but I walk by and head toward the car.
I can hear him following me, but he doesn’t try to reach for my hand again. I stand outside my door, and he comes up behind me to open it. When I climb into the car, I buckle my seat belt and look up at Bo when he gets into the driver’s side.
He doesn’t look at me. He just buckles in and starts the car.
Neither of us speaks until we pull up to his house.
“I’m sorry about that. I just … my dad has been nominated for the US Supreme Court, and he needed to discuss some things with me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Wow, Bo. That’s huge. Like, really huge.”
“Yeah, I know. It, uh, comes with a lot of pressure for the family too.” He looks out the window. “Please don’t say anything to anyone in the house yet. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore today.”
I nod, but I have a feeling there’s more to it. “Yeah, of course.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else. I unbuckle and get out of the car and go into the house.
Noelle and Brooke are in the kitchen when I walk in, laughing and making a mess that Casey will no doubt clean up. They both turn when they hear the door open, and I see Casey and Silas look over from the couch.
“Hey, Chels! How was meet the family?” Noelle smiles at me like she’s actually excited to hear about it.
“It was fine. I’m gonna go change out of these clothes though.”
I hook a thumb over my shoulder and walk to Bo’s room.
I keep a few things over here for when I stay the night, so I grab a pair of lounge pants from the dresser and a T-shirt.
I toss my crossbody on the bed and quickly undress.
Just as I pull the shirt over my head, Bo walks in and shuts the door behind him.
“Chelsea …” He stands, leaning against the door. “We need to talk.”
Nope. No, I don’t want to do this right now.
“Bo, I don’t feel like this is a good time to talk about anything important. Our friends are right outside the door. Maybe I should just go back to my place tonight. I’m not really hungry anymore anyway.”
“Why would you go home? I just want to talk to you about a few things.” He sounds tired more than upset.
“Bo …” I sit down on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. “What? What do you want to talk about that can’t wait?”
“Why didn’t your dad take care of you and your sister after your mom died?” He pushes off the door and walks toward me slowly.
“I think you already know the answer to your question.” I look down and start to bite on the inside of my lip.
“But I want to hear your story from you.” He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t understand why you won’t tell me. You know I love you. Nothing you tell me could change that.”
I bark out a laugh. “Okay, if that’s true, why does it really matter why my dad didn’t take care of us? Is this what you were talking to your dad about upstairs, or was he really nominated for the Supreme Court?” I gasp. “Oh my God. I get it. He doesn’t want you to be with me.”
“Chelsea, baby, I want you to trust me enough to tell me everything. And the problem is, I don’t think you do, and I’m trying to figure out why you haven’t told me.
I suspected there was more than what you were sharing.
Sure, you’ve given me pieces, but not the whole story.
And I’ve been patient, and I haven’t pushed.
I wanted you to talk to me and tell me more when you felt ready.
But things are changing, and I think the time to lay it all out has come. ”
He kneels down in front of me and tries to take my hands, but I pull them away.
“You want to know why? Okay, I’ll tell you what you clearly already know.
Paint you a pretty picture so you can see just how fucked up my life was.
” I look him in the eye. “My father and my mother were not good people, Bo. They were addicts, alcoholics, and abusive to each other mostly, but also to me and my sister. We didn’t have birthday parties and vacations and private schools like you did.
We didn’t have parents who loved us and wanted to make sure we were fed and tucked in safely at night.
I had to grow up a lot faster than you did because I didn’t have a choice.
I needed to survive, and I needed to keep my sister alive.
And unfortunately, we have a very failed legal system, and no one ever saved us. ”
I cross my arms over my chest. If I could protect my heart, my past, and all my secrets with that one simple motion, I would.
But this is my truth, and he wants it. He’s been asking for months to really know me, to see every part of me I keep hidden.
And now he’s getting it. I just hope it’s not too much …
that the weight of who I am doesn’t scare him away.
“The night my father killed my mother started out the same as all the others. They were drunk or high or a combination of both. They fought, I took my sister to our room, and then he left. I’m not sure how long he was gone because my sister and I fell asleep.
But when they started fighting, I knew something was really wrong.
On bad nights like that, I would take my sister into our closet, and we would hide there until our parents stopped fighting or passed out.
Except it didn’t stop. We heard a bang, then yelling, then another set of banging.
My sister and I sat in that closet and listened to our father kill our mother, and we couldn’t do anything about it. ”
I stand and start pacing the room, the memories rushing back so vividly that they almost knock me off-balance. I can smell the mildewed carpet and the walls, thick with the permanent residue of nicotine and anger.
“My sister peed in her pants while I was holding her in my arms. I know now that we were both in shock, but we stayed in that closet until the police came. I couldn’t move, and I was terrified of walking out of our room and seeing what had happened, even though I knew it in my gut.
” I stop and look at him. “Even after the police got there, they had to physically remove us from the closet and practically pry my sister from my arms. I didn’t trust anyone because … no one ever saved us.”
Bo stands and tries to reach for me. “Chelsea, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Truly. I can’t imagine.”
“No, Bo, you can’t. And I wouldn’t want to wish what we went through on anyone.
” I walk over to his dresser and lift up the picture of his family.
“See this? You had a perfect life. And believe me, I’m glad you did.
But most people, Bo, aren’t as fortunate as you are.
Most families have deep, dark, dirty, and very ugly secrets.
Unfortunately for me, mine was all over the news for a long time.
Thankfully, my and my sister’s identities were concealed since we were minors.
But people knew anyway and always looked at us just a little different. With judgment and pity.”
“I would never judge you by your past, and I think you know that. And I hate that you went through all of that. I wish I could erase it all.”
“But you can’t, Bo. It’s part of my story, and it has shaped who I am as a person.
In some twisted way, I’m almost glad that it all happened because my aunt got us.
We were saved by her because of a terrible act of violence between two people who’d had no business having children at all.
They were consumed by each other, by their addictions.
And that, Bo, is terrifying to me. That you can lose yourself so much in someone else. ”
“Chelsea, love isn’t like that though, and what you and I are building isn’t like that.
I’m giving you everything that I have. You have my heart completely, and I want to build a life with you.
I just need to know you’re in this in the same way that I am because, baby, it’s not always going to be easy.
There are people that will find out about your past, and you will be in the public eye by being with me. Can you do this with me?”
I love him. I really, truly do, but even that scares me.
The thought of opening up to him is one thing; the thought of everyone else knowing—my past, my sister’s life, my aunt’s secrets—is almost too much to bear.
My chest feels tight, my stomach twists, and I can’t stop imagining the world prying into parts of my life I’ve worked so hard to protect.
I want him to see me, to love me, but the weight of it all feels crushing.
I’m not sure I can handle letting him in …
or letting anyone else see what’s been hidden for so long.
“Bo, what is it you want from me?” I take in a shuddering breath because this beautiful man in front of me deserves everything that he is asking of me. And it should be an easy answer, but I just … can’t.
“I want everything you have to give. Because I will give you every part of me. I need you to trust me and trust us.”
“Bo, I want you to tell me the truth. Did your dad ask you to stop seeing me?”
He drops his head back and closes his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. This is about us.”
“Tell me.”
Bo looks up at me with sadness in his eyes, like it hurts him to tell me. “Yes, but I told him it wasn’t gonna happen.”
I believe what he’s saying—I really do. But I also can’t be the cause for creating problems for him and his family. So, this is just another reason why I need to go. If I stay in this, it will hurt us eventually. I can’t stop the tears that start to run down my face.
He rushes to me and wipes the wetness from my cheeks. “Baby, don’t cry. It will be okay. As long as we’re together and give each other everything we have, it will always be okay.”
I turn my face and kiss his wet palm. “But I can’t give you everything. I’m sorry.”
I pull away from him, grab my bag from the bed, and rush out the door. Noelle sees me and drops the potato in her hand and tries to follow me, but I stop her.
As I close the door behind me, I hear her yell, “What the fuck did you do, Bo Callaway?”
But I keep walking, get into my car, and cry all the way to my apartment.