Chapter 13
Grace strolled slowly down the street of Mistletoe Meadows. As had become their custom, while Aunt Vivian showered, she took a walk. It was funny how people settled into a routine, and it felt good and cozy and right.
Ben Tucker, the deputy sheriff, strolled by and tipped his hat at her, offering a "good evening" which she returned.
Funny how friendly small towns could be. Especially to someone who barely knew anyone.
As she walked by the clinic, Hannah glanced up from chatting with a patient and threw a hand up in a wave and a greeting.
Grace waved back, loving how people were friendly but not too intrusive. Sometimes small towns could be rather overbearing, or at least she'd heard that they could be. Her friends from small towns had complained about them at times in the city.
It was interesting. She didn't really miss her friends too much. Maybe she missed Katrina a little. She had been her best friend in the city. But she supposed she hadn't taken the time to cultivate a lot of friendships, since she'd been so busy practicing and working.
As she got to the music shop, she slowed, automatically drawn to it.
It was the music, not Noah, she told herself as her feet came to a stop at the door.
Remembering what had happened the last time she had been peeking in the window, she noted the time, that it was still open, and pulled the handle, walking in.
It was like walking into a place that felt very much like home.
There were instruments on the walls, guitars and banjos, even a couple of violins and a viola.
The place smelled like rosin and wood, with a faint hint of a man's aftershave, not too strong, and a perfect mix with the other music smells.
"So you're not going to watch from the window tonight?" Noah said, straightening up from behind the counter where he must've been kneeling.
It was a gentle teasing, and she smiled. "I'm sorry. I... I guess I'm drawn to the music, and... You were very good." She wanted to ask if it was an original composition, but she didn't.
"Let me show you around a bit. You're welcome to try out anything you'd like. And I'm not saying that as a salesman. I'm saying that out of respect for your great talent and ability."
He seemed sincere, but she didn't really want him to think of her as someone who he was a fan of.
She wanted to be friends. She wasn't sure what it was about him, but the same way walking into the shop felt like home, being in Noah's presence felt like safety and protection, and she felt secure and unafraid in a way that she'd never felt around anyone else.
"You'll recognize the Fender guitars. These are used, which are actually more expensive than the new ones, because these were made before they started making a lot of things overseas."
"Yeah. There are some good quality things coming from the East, especially in keyboards and pianos, but guitars just aren't what they used to be.
" She wasn't an expert in guitars by any means, but she knew enough to know that a used guitar was definitely worth more than a new one.
For now, anyway. She ran her finger gently over the cool wood as Noah watched with a half smile on his face.
"There's an aura about instruments that I love."
"How many do you play?"
"Just the piano proficiently. I could probably pick out maybe three chords on the guitar."
"Enough to play most Christian songs that are sung in church," he said with a grin.
She realized he was laughing a bit. "Yeah. That's why they make them that way, right? So anyone, including me, could play."
"I think so. There are good messages in some of them though."
That seemed to be a concession. She got the distinct feeling that he didn't think much of some of the music that was in churches at present.
"Do I detect a little bit of music snobbery?" she asked.
"Maybe?"
He didn't say anything more, but from the twinkle in his eye and the self-deprecating smile, she imagined that he knew he was a bit of a snob. She thought it funny that he didn't apologize for it, though.
"I give lessons back here. You probably haven't seen that."
"I've noticed kids coming in and out. Most of them carrying instruments. Do you rent them?"
"Yeah. I have an arrangement with the school. Although with the music teacher gone, a lot of the kids you saw coming in and out with instruments were probably kids that were coming to return them, since there's no point in them paying rent when they're not taking lessons."
"The music teacher at the school?" she asked, although she already knew it. She assumed they would fill the position immediately.
"Yeah. A couple of weeks ago. It's too bad, because people were looking forward to the Christmas concert, and the kids, especially. They put so much work into learning to play the instrument, and then it's a real letdown to not have any place to show off what they've learned."
"Yeah. That's too bad. It's too bad that someone couldn't at least take over and help the kids."
"I agree."
"How many instruments do you play?" she asked, thinking that teaching the kids was something that he could do, too.
They had stopped beside the piano, and she touched the side of it, feeling a slight unease, but not the full-blown panic that she had grown used to. For some reason, Noah's piano didn't inspire the fear that her Aunt Vivian's did.
"I play two proficiently. Piano and violin. Obviously, I'm not as good at the piano as you are."
"Most people aren't," she said absentmindedly, pushing down on one key.
The sound was perfect, but it also jarred and scared her. She yanked her hand back.
Then she was embarrassed at her reaction. She took a breath, blew it out, and then lifted her gaze to meet Noah's. He was studying her with hooded eyes.
"Something happened to you."
It was a statement. Not a question, and she looked away. Maybe it was his comforting presence, maybe the feeling of being in the building full of instruments and music and the joy and laughter and uplifting feelings that evoked for her, or maybe it was just the man and how he felt like safety.
"You don't have to say anything." But he left the comment open-ended, like she could if she wanted to.
"I don't know what happened at my last concert.
I was in the dressing room, thinking about going out, and all of a sudden, I thought I was going to die.
It ended up being a panic attack, terrible, terrible stage fright, which I've never experienced before.
I mean, I've performed countless times, all over the world, and I've never had anything like that happen to me before.
But it's been debilitating. Even looking at a piano is enough to make my stomach twist and my throat tighten and I feel like I can't breathe. "
"You just touched one. Played a note."
"I know. It... isn't as bad here." She almost said "with you," but she wasn't sure if that was it or not.
"I wonder why," he said.
"I'm not sure. The doctors said there was nothing wrong with me physically. They recommended I go see a psychiatrist, which I did a couple of times, but I felt crazy, you know?"
"So you came here, thinking maybe that would help heal whatever was wrong?"
"Yeah. I suppose. Or maybe it was just I didn't know what else to do. Playing in front of anyone wasn't an option when I could barely breathe even looking at a piano, let alone the idea of people listening to me."
"That's why you refused me when I asked you if you wanted to play for church."
"Yeah. I'm sorry. It was kind of you to offer, and normally I would've loved to.
Hymns are my favorite, and there's just something powerful in the words and the melody together.
I could be transported away for timeless moments and come back, not just having enjoyed the music, but having had a little sermon all at once, just because of seeing the verses in my head. "
"Hymns are special that way. So many of them are based fully on the Bible. Not that modern music isn't. Some of it is."
"That's okay. I already know you're a snob when it comes to Christian music."
Noah looked a little embarrassed.
"So you must be getting better. Here you are, touching a piano."
"Aunt Vivian has a piano and I can't go near it."
That didn't mean anything necessarily, other than Noah could be right. Maybe she was getting over it. Or maybe it was him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump all my problems on you."
"I asked. I was curious. I knew that you had canceled your last performance, but there's no other information on the Internet at all, and I didn't know.
" He took a breath and then he continued.
"And, just so you don't feel left out, I've been struggling a little bit myself.
Not necessarily with music, but my parents died when I was eighteen.
All of my siblings are younger than me, and I was the only one who had the option to be the guardian, otherwise they were going to farm us all out to foster homes.
So, I gave up my music career to take over the shop and raise my siblings.
I've never regretted it, but now that they're all gone, the last one graduated from college, I just feel a little.
.. Not sure what to do. None of them are coming home for Christmas, so that's new, and.
.. I guess I feel like I have an empty nest, and in reality, I don't even have children. I just have siblings."
He looked like he hadn't meant to say all of that, but she'd been listening intently, and he'd continued.
"I can't imagine what it would be like growing up with so many siblings. I was an only child."
"That would've been terrible. Although I guess you would've had all of your parents' attention."
"Yeah." It wasn't quite that way, but she wasn't going to get into that now.
Instead, she read between the lines. "You gave up your music career to raise your siblings."
"I didn't have a music career. I guess I gave up the possibility of one."
"I bet you did a really good job." She looked at him thoughtfully. He just seemed like the protective older brother who would be perfect for that role. Interesting how God worked things out exactly the way they should be. But she could feel the sacrifice Noah had made.
"I don't know about that. They're all pretty much self-sufficient."
"And following the Lord?"
"Yeah. First and foremost. Following God."
"Then you were a success."
They looked at each other, and something seemed to pass between them. Something that she couldn't put a name on, but that felt like an understanding that they both had.
"So I have an idea," Noah said, and he sounded a little hesitant.
"Okay?"
"What if you and I worked together on something small, music-wise."
"What do you mean?" she asked, expecting to feel her chest tighten, but it hadn't. Not yet.
"I mean the kids need someone to help them practice and prepare for the Christmas concert they were planning on giving. I know that the groundwork is laid, but they need us to come in and finish. Do the planning, make sure everything comes together. That type of thing."
It wouldn't require her to play anything.
She would just be helping kids, which would be a good thing.
She thought about the kids that had been in and out of the shop that week.
Children who could possibly be professional musicians one day, if someone took an interest in them.
Her childhood might not have been perfect, but at least she had been given the opportunities that she had.
If these kids didn't have someone come and continue to teach them, they might not have those opportunities.
"I've got to be honest, the shop will benefit some, if the kids continue to rent the instruments from me. But that said, I charge such a tiny amount that it really doesn't cover much of anything other than the instrument purchase and the insurance I have to pay in case they break it."
"Of course. I would want your shop to benefit in some way, if at all possible. I know that making a living as a musician, and I would assume as a music store owner, is not the most lucrative, nor the easiest job in the world."
"It's not. But somehow I managed to raise all my siblings on it, and my parents had been doing it before I took over. I would say that's more God than any kind of economics."
"God is good. That's for sure."
He nodded in agreement.
"What do you say?" he asked, and there was hope on his face.
She thought about the kids she'd seen through the kitchen window, eagerly practicing their music, struggling with a scale, and Noah's calm and patient attitude with them.
She thought about how people had helped her and how much she had enjoyed her career until it had been cut short.
Maybe doing this would help her get back on track too.
And, working with Noah might help. He made her feel calm and grounded in a way that she didn't with anyone else.
"Let me think about it," she finally said.
He nodded. "That's fair. Let me know when you make a decision, please. No pressure, but we are running out of time."
"You're right. I won't take very long." Realizing that a ton of time had passed, and she had intended to be back before her aunt was done with her shower, she turned and started toward the door.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take up so much of your time. I better head back."
"No bother. Come back anytime. I mean that."
She stopped and turned. Everyone in town had been exceptionally kind to her, but there was just something about Noah. His offers were sincere, and she knew that when he said he didn't mind, it was true. Plus, she felt drawn to him. And, to be honest, she didn't want to leave.
"I know you do. Thanks." Before her feet could do something different, she forced them to turn around and head toward the door.
She did not look back as the bell rang above her and then the door closed.
Somehow, as much as she would like to work with the kids and knew that that was good, and as much as she thought that it might be helpful to her in getting over her stage fright, the draw of working with Noah was more than any of those things.
Lord, I want to do what you want me to do. Please give me wisdom to know what that is.