Chapter 8 Hailey
Hailey
Loneliness hits different when you’ve had a taste of company in your new apartment.
And I don’t mean the fake kind, the office small talk about snow tires and where to get the best tacos.
I mean the kind where a man with work-rough hands braces a bookshelf with one arm and my entire nervous system with the other.
Then leaves before I can decide if I imagined the way his body pressed to mine.
By Monday, I’ve got an outline of a routine in place, something that always makes me at least feel a little better.
Alarm at six thirty. Coffee strong enough to peel paint the second my eyes open.
Sunscreen like I live on the actual sun because apparently Colorado decided winter should come with UV rays so strong you can get sunburned in January.
Thankfully, though, with that sun comes warmth so by midafternoon, the puffy jacket you wore to work feels like it’s going to melt you.
My badge beeps when I scan it at security, and I ride an elevator with a guy who has a standing desk attachment under his arm. Yet another thing I’m slowly learning about Denver; they take their physical fitness very seriously.
My office sits on the fourth floor which is an open floor plan of a sea of standing desks.
There’s a wreath hung on the whiteboard and someone stuck googly eyes on the printer.
Two guys in vests hover over an API diagram, arguing softly.
The only other woman on my team, Priya, raises a brow over her mug when I introduce myself.
“New girl,” she says with a warm smile. “I’m Priya. Run now while you still can.”
“I’d trip over a standing desk and die,” I deadpan, shaking her hand. She grins and motions me over, showing me where the coffee that doesn’t taste like asphalt is hidden.
“Thank you,” I murmur against the fresh coffee. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“Us women have to stick together.” She winks at me. “But seriously, anything you need, you let me know. And don’t let all these boys make you feel nervous. It’s the only time they’re allowed out of their enclosures to interact with the female species.”
We fall into a fit of laughter as she shows me to my desk and explains how it works. My nerves settle a little and I’m instantly excited by the connection Priya and I seem to have.
We pair on a small ticket first. Priya explains their process and approach and then allows me to jump right in and take over.
“Where were you in Chicago again?” A tall, lanky, dark-haired man appears next to me and Priya at my desk. “Zach,” he says without bothering to look at me, his eyes glued to my screen where I’m working.
“Biotech,” another man appears on my left, answering for me.
“Impressive.” Zach whistles.
“It was on her résumé,” the other guy says back before turning to look at me with a serious expression on his face. “Ben, Ben Mitchell Murphy.”
“Nice to meet you, Ben and Zach,” I say, looking at both of them for a second.
“Welcome aboard.” Zach smiles, finally turning to look at me. “Looks like you’re going to keep us on our toes.” He smacks Ben’s back. “Or at least Benny boy here.”
I spend the next hour focused on burning through the tickets that were submitted to the help desk overnight.
It’s bitchwork. I know that and everyone else on my team does too, but being the new person, I’m not above it.
When I push my first PR, Priya sends a confetti emoji explosion in Slack and the Ben and Zach dogpile with thumbs-up.
At lunch I sit by the window and eat my salad while watching tiny little snow crystals dance among the high-rises.
I think about Maddie and our friends back home.
It’s a Friday night so I know they’re probably all going to be heading out to celebrate.
Loneliness churns in my stomach, stealing my appetite.
I snap a photo of the view and push the sadness out of my mind, reminding myself that I still have a lot to prove at this job and I can’t let my emotions get in the way of that.
Thankfully, being so focused on picking an insurance plan and making sure payroll has all of my necessary information makes the day fly by.
“Hey, great job today,” Priya says, wrapping her scarf around her neck. “Seriously, you’re going to fit right in here, I can already tell.”
“You think so?” I ask hopefully as I gather my things and follow her to the elevator.
“Absolutely. And don’t worry about Ben and Zach. They’re both awkward at times but they will help you with whatever you need. We’ve built a really great team here.”
My stomach settles, my nerves easing even more. “That’s great to hear. Thanks for being so welcoming.” I glance at my watch. It’s only just after five p.m. “Got any crazy Friday night plans?”
“Ha!” Her laugh bursts from her chest. “Those days are long gone for me.” She holds up her phone, showing me a picture of a chubby little baby with a toothless smile stretched across her face. “Miss Myra came into this world loud and in charge ten months ago and I’ve been at her mercy ever since.”
“Oh, but she’s such a little angel,” I coo, smiling down at the photos she’s flipping through.
“That’s what her daddy says but I like to remind him of that at three a.m. when she’s screaming her head off for the second hour straight for no reason.” She lets out a soft, exasperated sigh as she looks down at the photos. “But she’s the light of our world and we couldn’t be happier.”
“I bet.” We step out of the elevator, and she grabs my arm for a second.
“But hey, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything and welcome to Denver. We’ll grab lunch next week and chat.” She waves, then heads toward the parking garage.
I step outside and start the six-block walk back to my place, sending a quick text to Maddie of the picture I took at lunch.
Me: Survived my first day in the office.
She calls immediately, already talking when I answer the phone. “Tell me everything,” she sings. “Is your boss sexy? Did they make you all go around the room and say something ‘weird or interesting’ about yourself?”
“Oh yes.” I laugh, tossing my things on the table when I walk through my front door. “My boss and I actually ended up hooking up on his desk, and then he offered me fifty million dollars to pretend to be engaged to him!”
She bursts into laughter. “God, wouldn’t that be amazing, though? I’d smack you senseless if you ever turned down that kind of offer.”
“There’s only one other woman on my team.” I pull off my coat and scarf, kicking my shoes to the side and flopping down onto my couch. “She’s cool. She’s a few years older than us and just had her first baby. The guys are nice, nerdy.”
“You like nerdy.”
“I do but I’m not getting involved with someone at work, Mads. That’s like How to Get Fired 101.”
“True and plus, if it gets messy like that time I dated my manager Jack Prickless when I worked at Rack Room Shoes in college.” She makes a gagging sound. “Anyway, how’s Denver? Have you been to any cool bars or restaurants yet?”
“Not yet.” I yawn. “Just been so focused on unpacking and trying to get settled. It’s nice from what I’ve seen. Very active.”
“And lonely?” Her voice gentles.
I swallow. “A little.”
“You’ll find your people,” she promises. “Oh, by the way, did Cole show up when you texted for help? Be honest.”
Heat zips across my cheeks like I’m still standing in my living room in an oversized hoodie with bare thighs and a death-trap bookshelf. “He did,” I say, aiming for breezy and landing on breathless. “He was… helpful. And nice. He’s nothing like the guy I remember.”
“Ooooh,” she sings. “My brother finally acting like the hero I’ve always said he is?”
“Don’t get cocky on his behalf,” I mutter, smiling anyway. “But yes, he fixed the bookshelf, the TV console, the pictures. He even came back the next night, too. Then—” I hesitate, picking at a piece of lint on my pants. “He left. Fast.”
“Of course he did. Ever since Jess that man is emotionally shut down.” She sighs.
“Jess?”
“Yeah, you remember the ex-fiancée who left with no explanation, just the ring on his dresser. Ugh, what a bitch.”
“Oh, right,” I say, vaguely remembering her telling me at the time. My heart aches for him; I can’t imagine that level of pain. Then again, I can’t imagine who would want to leave Cole.
“Hopefully someday, though, he’ll find that person who makes him want to trust again. Anyway”—she pauses for a second—“I miss you so much and I want to catch up tomorrow when we can talk longer, but right now, I have to run. Happy hour with the girls at Marco’s.”
My immediate reaction is to whine, tell her how much I wish I was getting ready with her, but I think better of it. I’m the one who chose to move, to follow my dreams, so it’s time I suck it up. “Have a drink for me. Tell everyone I miss them. Love you.”
I groan, pull myself off my couch, and walk to the kitchen to pour a glass of grocery-store pinot. I stand in the middle of my living room like I’m waiting for a cue. The gallery wall he hung looks perfect, just like the bookshelf and TV console.
“Why are you thinking about him?”
Maybe I just need… people. Not a date, not anything serious.
Just connection. I grab my phone and open that app Maddie made me download, the one for finding friends.
Within seconds, smiling strangers fill my screen.
“Looking for a hiking buddy.” “Need a brunch crew.” “Dog mom, wine enthusiast, true-crime lover.”
My stomach knots. I could swipe right, go for coffee, pretend I’m excited about the opportunity to meet new people.
But every profile just feels exhausting.
And every time I think about meeting someone new, all I can picture is sitting across from some stranger while my brain wanders straight to him.