Chapter 17
Cole
My mom’s kitchen looks like a Christmas bomb went off. There’s flour on the counter, cinnamon in the air, Bing Crosby doing his thing from the old speaker in the corner. She’s humming, wearing that red apron she’s had since I was a kid, and right next to her is Hailey.
And I have to stand here, steadying a ladder for my dad while he curses about burned-out bulbs and act like I didn’t have this woman riding me in a crappy motel like nobody ever has and then in my head every damn night.
“Cole, honey, hand Hailey the icing,” Mom says without looking, like this is normal. Like this is fine. “She’s doing the little buttons.”
I release the ladder just long enough to grab the piping bag. Hailey glances up at me and for a second, we just stare at each other, like we’re both picturing every filthy fucking thing I’ve done to her. I put the bag in her hand.
“Thanks,” she murmurs.
Maddie spins past in fuzzy socks and a Santa headband. “Okay, I found the other box of ornaments and Dad, the church called and said the heater’s acting up again so you and Mr. Handy over there”—she jerks her thumb at me—“are on holy furnace duty after lunch.”
“I already told them I’d look at it,” Dad grunts.
“You said that last year,” Mom says. “And we almost froze during the pageant.”
I hold the ladder while Dad messes with the curtain rod for the garland. “I’ll go with you,” I tell him.
“Hailey, sweetheart, did you get caught up on sleep yet?” Mom asks, sliding another tray of gingerbread men onto the counter. “Cole told us about spending the night in that motel.”
Hailey’s eyes flash to mine and I can’t hide my smile at her look of pure panic.
“Yeah,” Hailey says easily, rolling a little button of icing onto the cookie. “Nothing beats being back in my own bed.”
“Oh, I bet,” my mom continues. “I always say that those hotel beds are just so hard, you know? I always feel so sore and worn out after a night like that.”
I have to turn away and pretend to mess with the extension cord before anyone sees how red my face is and the fact I’m having to keep myself from bursting out into laughter.
Maddie’s still talking. “—and then tonight we have to run to the church to set up the poinsettias. Hailey, you are absolutely coming, and then tomorrow is Grandma’s cookie swap so we need, like, ten dozen.”
I duck into the living room, partly to get away from the smell of gingerbread and the sight of Hailey laughing with my mom, partly to keep Dad from falling off the ladder.
“Footing,” I remind him, planting my hands on the sides.
“Yeah, yeah.” He glances back toward the kitchen. “Nice girl, that Hailey. Maddie’s always talkin’ about her. Doesn’t feel right she’s all the way out in Colorado alone.”
I keep my face neutral. “She’s doing fine.”
“You keep an eye on her out there?”
“Yeah.” My throat goes a little tight. “Maddie makes sure I do.”
Dad nods, satisfied, and twists a hook. “Good.”
“Hey.” Hailey sidles up next to me a minute later with a plastic container. “Your mom said to put these in the garage freezer. But I don’t know where…”
“I’ll show you.” I take the container from her and jerk my head toward the mudroom. “This way.”
The hallway between the kitchen and the garage is narrow and quiet. Her shoulder brushes mine and every nerve in my body takes notice.
“You okay?” she whispers, eyes dancing because she knows exactly what she’s doing, just like she knows damn well where our deep freezer is.
“No,” I mutter back. “You?”
“Not even a little.”
I almost kiss her. Right there, next to my dad’s boots and Mom’s box of angel choir decorations.
I want to press her into the wall, taste the sugar on her mouth, remind her what I do to her when we’re not surrounded by family.
Instead, I open the garage door and keep my nefarious thoughts to myself.
I set the cookies in the freezer, close it slow, then lean both hands on the top like I need the support. She’s watching me, cheeks still flushed from the kitchen, hair in that loose ponytail that shows her throat.
“This is torture,” I say quietly.
Her smile is quick. “Kinda fun, though.”
“You think this is fun?”
“You trying to act like you’re not currently dying to climb me like a Christmas tree?” she teases, keeping her voice low. “Yeah. A little.”
I groan once, very quietly, and scrub a hand over my face. “You’re gonna get us caught.”
“Me?” She presses a hand to her chest, fake-offended. “You’re the one looking at me like you did in that motel room right before you—”
“Don’t,” I warn, voice dropping.
Her eyes spark. “Don’t what?”
I step in, just enough that she has to tilt her chin up, just enough that her back brushes the freezer. I don’t touch her. I don’t kiss her. I just let her feel the wall of me and how thin the ice is.
“Tempt me,” I murmur, “or I’m gonna fuck you right here.”
Her breath catches. “You wouldn’t.”
He tilts his head to the side. “You sure you wanna test me again?”
The door to the kitchen swings open. “Cole? Did you show her—oh.” Mom stands there, holding a roll of tape, eyes flicking between us. “You found it.”
“Yeah,” I say, stepping back, casual as hell. “Just putting them in.”
“Your freezer is very organized, Mrs. Bristol.”
“Oh, I wish,” Mom says, stepping in to set the tape on the deep freezer. “Now, when you two are done flirting—”
“Mom,” I groan.
She smirks like she’s enjoying herself. “—I need those boxes of tinsel from the hall closet. The church wants to do the banister too. And Cole? The heater, remember. Pastor Frank said it’s being finicky.”
“Yeah. We’ll go in a bit.”
She pats my arm, then Hailey’s. “You two are sweet together in the kitchen,” she says absently, and then she disappears again.
Hailey bites her lip to keep from laughing. “Sweet together.”
“She has no idea,” I mutter.
The rest of the day is one long test of my patience.
We hit the church after lunch, me, Dad, Maddie, and of course Hailey, because apparently, she’s part of every Bristol errand now.
Pastor Frank meets us at the side door with a smile and a “bless you for doing this,” and I have to pretend I don’t have blasphemous thoughts about bending the woman next to me over a pew.
The basement smells like old hymnals and mothballs. The heater’s in the back room, still making that rattling noise it’s made since I was a kid and actually attended church.
“Just needs a little love,” Dad says, kneeling.
“Don’t we all,” Maddie chirps, hanging a poinsettia sign on the bulletin board.
Hailey snorts a laugh and covers it with a cough. I glance at her and she’s looking at me like she knows I’d give her a whole lot of “love” if we were alone.
I peel the panel off, check the pilot, basically do what I’ve done a few times for this thing over the years. “It’ll hold,” I tell Pastor Frank. “But you need a new unit.”
He nods, worried. “We’ll see what the board says.”
Back at my parents’ place, it turns into a full-blown cookie factory. My mom has every counter covered. Maddie’s dumping sprinkles. Bing has been replaced by Mariah Carey.
Every time I turn around, Hailey’s there. Passing me the tray, our fingers brushing. Grabbing the hot pan with mitts.
As I move in behind her to reach the cooling rack over her head, her back presses into my chest for half a second. I breathe her in, and then I have to step away before I do something stupid like kiss her neck in front of everyone.
“Cole!” Mom calls. “Tinsel!”
“Got it.” I drag the tinsel box in from the hall. The lid pops and silver spills everywhere.
“Ohhh,” Hailey whispers, scooping a handful, eyes wide like she’s ten. “This is dangerous.”
“Don’t even think about it,” I warn.
She grins. “You used to let Maddie wrap you in this.”
“Maddie was five.”
“So?” She flicks a strand at me. It lands on my flannel. I give her a look that says I will pay you back for that.
Maddie walks over and eyes us both. “What’s going on over here?”
“Nothing,” we say at the same time.
Maddie arches a brow. “Mm-hmm.” Then she points at Hailey. “You’re with me in the dining room. We’re doing the centerpiece. Cole, go help Dad in the garage.”
I want to tell her no. I want to say I’m fine right here, stealing touches and glances. But I can’t.
I spend the next hour pretending I care about untangling extension cords while every laugh from the house makes me twitch.
Every time the back door opens, I hope it’s her sneaking out to grab me.
Every time it’s just Mom grabbing something from the extra fridge, I feel like a teenager again…
horny, impatient, stuck under my parents’ roof.
By the time the sun dips, I’m wound so damn tight I might bust if Hailey just looks at me right.
“Okay, I have to get these to Grandma’s,” Mom announces. “Hailey dear, it’s getting slick. I’ll give you a ride back to your parents’.”
“I can walk,” Hailey says, looking at me. “It’s like, two blocks.”
Mom frowns at the window. “It’s starting to snow harder.”
“I’ll walk her,” I offer too fast. Three sets of eyes cut to me but only my mom’s are suspicious.
“Bundle up!” Mom says, pressing a bag of cookies into Hailey’s hands like she’s sending her back to college. “And thank you, sweetie, for helping.”
“Anytime,” Hailey says, returning the hug.
The cold hits the second we step outside again. I jam my hands in my coat pockets. “You warm enough?”
She walks close, boots crunching. “Yeah.” Then she bumps my arm. “You?”
“Not even a little,” I say, and I’m not talking about the temperature.
She laughs, breath puffing in a cloud. “Your mom is the cutest human alive.”
“She’s always liked you.”
“Hard not to,” she teases.
“Did you have fun today?”
“Yeah.” She peeks up at me from under her hat. “Even if I’m currently being edged by you in your parents’ house.”
I choke on a laugh. “Jesus, Hailey.”
“What?” She grins, wicked. “You started it in the garage.”
“I started it? Aren’t you the one who acted like you didn’t know where the deep freezer was?”
“You started it when you looked at me with those bedroom eyes.” She jabs a finger toward my chest.
“Bedroom eyes?” I laugh. “And what are my bedroom eyes?”
“They’re dark and moody.” She sighs, like she’s daydreaming. “But they’re nothing like your O face.”
“Oh Jesus, I don’t even want to know what that looks like.”
“It’s hot, trust me. But the best is the sound you make when you come. It’s like this visceral, sexy, animalistic groan that just makes me want to fuck you even harder.”
I stop walking. She takes one more step, then turns to face me, eyes bright, cheeks flushed from the cold. We’re in front of Mrs. Langley’s house, the old lady that’s played the organ at church for three decades, so I can’t do what I want. Her porch lights are on, and her curtains are open.
I drag a hand over my jaw. “You’re killing me.”
“I’m suffering too, you know.” She tips her head. “You think I slept last night knowing you were just two blocks away?”
“You could’ve come over late, snuck into my room.”
“And tell your mom what the next morning when I come down for coffee?” She mockingly says, “Thanks for the cookies. Sorry about all the loud noises you heard during the night. It was just your son fucking my brains out.”
“I like that filthy mouth you have.” I reach up and drag my thumb over her lips. “Sexy as fuck to hear you talk about me like that.”
She steps closer. Not touching, but close enough that I can feel her heat. “So what do we do?”
I look at her mouth. “We wait,” I say, even though every part of me is screaming not to. “We’re not blowing this with your best friend. I won’t let that happen, Hailey.”
Her eyes soften, because she knows I’m right, knows I’m doing the thing I said we’d do—keep it quiet. Keep it ours for a minute.
She leans in to hug me goodbye. Her body slides up against mine, soft and perfect, arms around my middle. I wrap mine around her and breathe her in, and for a second, I don’t care if Mrs. Langley sees. I don’t care if the whole world sees.
“You’re so warm,” she mumbles into my coat.
“You smell like cookies,” I mutter into her hair.
She pulls back, eyes flicking to the porch. “I should go in before someone looks out.”
“Yeah.”
She hesitates, then rises on her toes and kisses my jaw. Quick, hot, gone before it can be evidence.
“Night, Cole.”
“Night, Hailey.”
She turns and hustles up the walk, boots leaving little prints in the new snow. Right before she reaches the porch, the light flips on. She glances back at me over her shoulder, a quick secret smile with a blown kiss, and then she’s inside.
I stand there like an idiot in the snow, watching the door close behind her.
I make my way back to my parents’ house. I should be thinking about work. About the site I left, about invoices, about deadlines that don’t care it’s Christmas. But all I can see is Hailey in my mother’s kitchen, laughing with my family like she’s always belonged there.
I can’t remember the last time I wanted someone this bad and not just for the night. It hits me so hard I stop under the streetlight.
I’m in love with her.
This is I want you in my kitchen in Denver and at my mom’s table in Illinois kind of love. The let’s run away and get lost in each other love. The love that turns into a family. I drag a hand down my face and let out a breath that fogs in front of me.
“Fuck.”
I knew I shouldn’t. I knew from the second she walked back into my life with those big eyes and that smart mouth that she was dangerous. That touching her would mean everything changes.
And I did it anyway.
Now I have to deal with the fallout. With Maddie. With the fact that Hailey’s just starting her life in Colorado, and I promised myself I wouldn’t get tangled up again. But as I head up the walk, snow settling on my shoulders, I already know the truth.
I’m not letting her go.