Chapter 19 Cole
Cole
Secrets don’t last in small houses. Especially this one, where the walls are basically gossip conduits and my mom can read me like she’s still checking for scraped knees.
The Bristol living room is in that after-party haze: half the lights off, TV on some holiday movie no one’s watching, empty cider mugs on coasters, a platter of gingerbread with one decapitated man left.
The scent is almost overpowering at this point and the house has gotten too warm because Dad refuses to turn the thermostat down when we have “holiday company.”
It’s late. Most of the cousins have already bundled their kids and the chaos out the door. Maddie’s disappeared to walk Grandma to her car. Dad’s in the kitchen running the dishwasher like we didn’t all offer to help.
And Hailey… she’s across the room looking like an angel.
Her hair is still a little mussed from earlier, her cheeks still flushed from too much eggnog and maybe me. She’s helping my mom wrap up leftovers at the kitchen table, laughing at something Mom says, and for a minute I just stand in the archway and watch.
This is what I’ve been pretending I don’t want.
Not the sneaking around, not the adrenaline of ducking into my old bedroom like horny teenagers five minutes ago, though I’m not complaining, but this. Her barefoot and laughing with my mom, her cracking smart-ass jokes right back at my dad. Like she could build a life with me.
My chest pulls tight. It’s not the usual feeling I get around this time of year, the gut punch I get every December when I remember Jess walking out. It’s the good kind. The kind that says, You idiot, this is what you’ve been working yourself to death for. Not just houses and money. This.
She glances up at exactly the wrong time, right when I’m drowning in it, in her. Our eyes meet. The smile she gives me is small, secret, the one she reserves for me when no one’s looking. My body reacts like I’m still pressed between her thighs and not ten feet away, trying to look casual.
Down, asshole.
I force my expression neutral, tip my chin like it’s nothing, like I didn’t have her coming apart on my mouth upstairs while my entire family sang “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” down here.
My mom follows Hailey’s line of sight. Oh, hell.
Marla Bristol has what I call her Church Lady Look. It’s soft and pleasant with eyes that miss absolutely nothing. It’s on me now. She tracks from Hailey… to me… back to Hailey. Then those brows lift just the tiniest bit.
Busted.
“Cole?” she calls, like I wasn’t clearly standing here staring at the woman I’m not supposed to be touching. “You going to help your mama or just loom in the doorway like a big ol’ pine tree?”
I clear my throat and push off the archway. “Yeah. Sorry.”
Hailey ducks her head, busying herself with foil. The tips of her ears go pink. She knows Mom saw it too. I cross the room and the house suddenly feels smaller than it’s ever felt—walls closing in, all that holiday cheer getting heavy.
Mom hands me a plastic container. “Put this in the extra fridge in the garage,” she says. “Your uncle’ll want the dressing tomorrow.”
“Sure.” I take it, but she doesn’t let go right away. Her fingers squeeze mine once, a lingering question or a warning, maybe both.
“You enjoying yourself?” she asks, tone light.
“Yeah.” I swallow. “Yeah, Ma. It was good.”
Her gaze flicks past me again to where Hailey is straightening the throw pillows like a damn angel. Mom’s mouth curves, knowing. “Mmm. Looked like it.”
Shit.
I drop the plastic container into the garage fridge, then stand there with the door still open, staring at shelves lined with leftover casseroles and enough pie to feed an army.
If I stay out here long enough, maybe I’ll figure out how to say it, how to tell Maddie that the woman she’s always called her sister is the one I can’t stop thinking about, the woman I’m in love with.
But when I walk back inside, Mom’s at the kitchen sink, hands in soapy water, humming along with the radio. The TV’s off now. The tree lights are the only thing left glowing.
She looks over her shoulder when she hears me. “Finally done hiding out?”
“Wasn’t hiding.”
“Mm-hmm.” She gives me a look that says she doesn’t buy a word of it. “Come help me dry these before your dad puts the wrong ones in the cabinet again.”
I grab a towel, then lean a hip against the counter. We work in silence for a bit just like we did when I was a kid, her passing dishes, me drying. It’s easy, familiar. Until she says quietly, “You seem happy, Cole.”
I glance at her. “Yeah?”
She nods, eyes still on the suds. “Happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. Since before Jess.”
“Yeah,” I say after a beat. “Guess I finally stopped letting that take up space.”
She hands me a mug, and her voice drops, gentle. “It was a long time ago, sweetheart. I know you thought she was the one, but maybe she was just… practice for the real thing.”
I huff a laugh. “Practice, huh?”
Her mouth curves. “You’ve always had a good heart, Cole. You just needed to give it to someone who sees that in you, who sees you.”
She doesn’t have to say who she means. She’s been watching us all night. Hell, she probably knew before I did.
I set the towel down, leaning on the counter. “I’m just worried I’ll screw it up again. Fall for the wrong person.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “You’re overcomplicating it, baby. The right one doesn’t feel like work. And if you’re happy, the people you’re worried about…” She tilts her head toward the living room where Maddie’s voice floats in from outside. “They’ll be happy too.”
Something in my chest loosens at that. The kind of breath you don’t realize you’ve been holding for years.
Before I can say anything, Dad barrels through the archway, clapping his hands like a man who’s been waiting all night for this moment. “Alright, everyone, time to bundle up! Carol sing-a-long starts in ten, and I’m not missing my solo this year!”
Mom rolls her eyes. “You don’t have a solo, Jim.”
“Yet,” he shoots back, grabbing his hat and coat from the rack. And the chaos starts again. Maddie starts herding people toward the door like a drill sergeant.
Mom gives me a pointed look, then smiles softly. “Go on, Cole. You’ll figure it out.”
I grab my coat, following Hailey out to the porch before anyone else. “Your dad’s rallying the troops,” she says, laughing softly. “He’s very committed to this sing-a-long thing.”
“Always has been.” I shove my hands in my pockets, watching her. “He once threatened to disown me if I didn’t sing harmony on ‘Silent Night.’”
She laughs again, the sound wrapping around me and permeating every part of me.
“Hey.” I take a step closer. The air between us shifts. “I wanted to tell you something before the whole neighborhood shows up to hear my dad butcher carols.”
Her brows lift. “Okay…”
“I meant what I said earlier. About this.” My hand finds hers, fingers sliding into that perfect fit that always messes me up. “You. Me. I don’t want to keep hiding it.”
Her eyes widen, soft and full of hope.
“I’m in love with you, Hailey.” The words come out rough. “This… tonight, you here, my family, all of it, it feels right. Like I’ve been walking around half-alive and didn’t realize it until you showed up again.”
She blinks fast, lips parting. “Cole…
“I want a life with you.” I swallow hard. “A real one. No secrets. No pretending we’re just friends when every time I look at you, I think about how lucky I am that you ended up in Denver.”
Her laugh breaks on a little gasp, and then she’s in my arms, rising onto her toes as I kiss her. It’s not rushed or secret this time. Her hands slide up my chest, curl in my shirt, and for a second I forget where we are.
Until the porch light blazes on above us.
We break apart, blinking into the sudden brightness, and there they are.
Half the family crowded in the doorway. My dad frozen mid-step with his Santa hat crooked, my mom’s mouth twitching like she’s trying not to laugh. And front and center with her mouth hanging open, is Maddie.
Her eyes go wide. She lifts her hand and points at both of us and I hold my breath, waiting for her to burst into tears or tell me I’m a liar and a traitor. But she doesn’t. A second later she bursts into laughter.
“I knew it!” she shrieks, voice echoing through the night.