Chapter Two
It’s been four months since that dreadful night, and although Jasper is there for me, I still can’t help but occasionally nick the tip of my finger or trace a line on my thighs.
Watching my own deep red blood trail on my skin fascinates me, and the iron taste is exquisite.
Jasper knows. I don’t keep secrets from him; he made me promise to always share what’s on my mind, and when I do, he listens attentively.
My mother doesn’t know about him, no one does.
I’ve given up trying to express my feelings or share my life with others.
No one cares. She seems content when I tell her everything is fine in my little world, because in the end, that’s all she truly wants to hear from me.
So, I lie. I lie about having friends and about what I do, while in reality, I sit alone on my couch, sipping on tea and talking to Jasper or texting him.
The other day, he said he wants me to move in, and even though that means moving eight hours away from my family, I said yes instantly.
I rarely see my family anyway, and if I do see them, they make sure that I know I’m the black sheep.
As long as I nod, and give a hint of a smile, my family is happy. My sister is their pride and joy.
It’s been a long time since my heart fluttered with happiness; it’s an emotion I barely recognize, a sad truth in itself, but it’s something he managed to awaken in me.
It’s a feeling I want to capture and seal away in my heart, or bottle up, so no one can touch it or take it away from me.
Happiness is a fragile thing, and I’m terrified of losing it, now that I’ve seemed to have found it.
An actual smile spreads across my face.
I stand outside as the barren wind and heavy raindrops find their way to me, slamming against my face.
I stand on the pavement with my life packed into several cardboard boxes, all wrapped in grey garbage bags to protect from the rain, and a large, black suitcase.
Some of my furniture that I desperately wanted to take is already on its way, such as my velvet couch.
The taxi van will arrive at any moment, so that I can follow suit.
Jasper paid for the entire move, ensuring I would travel to him safely and that my belongings would remain unharmed.
I try to gaze into the street, my eyelashes glued together due to the downpour, and my hair is wrapped around my head, as water tries to invade my coat.
I cross my arms and bury my face deeper into my thick woolen shawl that’s covered in small droplets.
I should have bought an umbrella, I think to myself sourly.
The grey clouds that cover the sky turn a darker shade, and I hear the whip-crack of thunder not far away.
Lightning follows shortly afterward, and I chew on my lower lip.
I crave this kind of weather — relentless rain, loud thunder—but not when I am standing outside.
I want this when I’m safely cozied up inside, under a blanket with a book in my hand.
Finally, I hear the grinding of wheels on the asphalt, and I glance at a dark blue van with tinted windows that comes to a stop in front of me.
A tall, lanky man gets out and opens the backseat door for me.
He wears a jacket, but I notice his polished shoes.
I don’t know why they draw my attention; I guess part of me is surprised at how neat they are.
“Miss, my apologies for being late—the weather and traffic everywhere, it’s a nightmare. Please, get in the car quickly. I’ll carry your things inside.”
He ushers me in, and I feel relief as the rain no longer pounds against my head.
I take off my soaked coat and shawl and set them aside, hoping they’ll dry during the ride.
My driver quickly packs up my belongings, carefully placing each item in the back of the van as if they were made of glass.
He closes the rear door and heads to the driver’s seat.
Once seated, he turns around and smiles at me; his teeth are bright white, and one of his canines is golden. I hold back a frown at the sight of it.
“My name is Marvin, Miss. It's a pleasure to meet you,” he says with a big smile, the golden tooth glistens, and I do my best not to stare at it.
“I’m Clara. It’s nice to meet you as well,” I respond with a small smile.
Marvin takes off his black rain jacket and drapes it over the passenger seat. Little drops of water roll down the fabric and drip onto the car mats, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He wears a black blazer that matches the rest of his outfit.
“Ready to hit the road, Miss?” Marvin asks me as he gets comfortable in his seat and buckles his seatbelt. He adjusts the inside mirror of the car and glances at me, waiting for a response.
I nod. Catching on that I am not the talkative type, he fidgets with the radio, and once he finds a station he likes, he slightly turns up the volume and starts the engine.
I quickly buckle my seatbelt, put in earplugs, and turn on music to soothe my nerves.
As the car pulls onto the road, I lean my head against the cold window and gaze outside.
Rain continues to pelt against the glass in a relentless rhythm.
As we drive through the street I’ve called home for many years, I stare until every sense of familiarity fades, and we drive off into the unknown.
Somewhere during the eight-hour trip, I doze off, and when the car jerks as it drives over a bumpy, gravelly road, I wake up and stare outside with eyes wide open.
Everywhere I look, I see trees and nature, not a person in sight, as a canopy of green invites us into its embrace.
Excitement blooms inside me as I take in my new, beautiful surroundings of serenity.
A large brick house looms against the green scenery, reminding me of a small castle or fortress.
Grey clouds of smoke billow from the chimney, and the porch is covered in plants and flowers, with an overgrown wisteria along the downspout serving as the centerpiece, and amidst them, a worn wooden bench, the moss green paint peeling, revealing its old age.
My fingers hover over the buttons of my phone.
I want to text or call Jasper to tell him I’ve arrived, but suddenly, a suffocating fear grips my throat.
Instantly, dark thoughts cloud me. What if he sees me and feels disappointed?
Or regret? What if he has second thoughts and sends me away?
Or abandons me? Tears gather in the corner of my eyes, and my demons fight for my attention, each one offering an even crueler insight than the last. As I blink, I feel the first tear climb over the ridge and cascade across my cheek.
The next one follows faster, and I stay seated, frozen in place, as the van comes to a stop.
I hear Marvin speak to me, but I don’t register his words; the paralysis that has me in a chokehold, is too overwhelming.
I don’t notice the car door opening or the cold air brushing against my skin.
Male voices echo around me, but I can’t understand the words, as if my head is underwater and everything sounds drowned out.
I only come to my senses when Jasper grabs my chin, his calloused fingers rough against my soft skin, forcing me to look at him.
The sight of him strangely grounds me, and I return to the present.
I feel myself shivering as the cold seeps in.
My coat is still damp from nature’s earlier assault, and Jasper takes off his, beckoning me to get out of the car.
When I do, he drapes the warm fabric over my shoulder.
I take a small whiff, his scent embracing me.
“Let’s get you inside, my love,” he says, his voice gravelly and low. “Marvin, could you please make sure Clara’s belongings are brought inside?”
“Of course, Sir,” Marvin says, giving a slight bow.
The inside of the house is warm, and a fire roars in the wood stove, its orange glow shining from the small glass window with iron casts that remind one of Gothic church arches.
Despite the building's size, it radiates coziness. Being in Jasper’s presence strangely calms me, and I let him lead me through his home.
Our home. I realize my belongings will fit in just fine; his place is filled with antiques, trinkets, and books—everything that makes my heart flutter.
When we arrive at the area where the bedrooms are situated, he scrapes his throat.
“I don’t want you to feel forced to share a bed with me, so I prepared a guestroom for you, so you have a choice. You can stay wherever you feel most comfortable.”
His voice is gentle and soft, with a rough edge and a vulnerability hidden within his words.
He fidgets with his fingers as he waits for my answer.
All he wants for me is to feel safe with him, especially being here by myself.
A small smile spreads across my face, the gesture more grand to me than he’ll ever realize.
It’s the respect he shows for me, my boundaries, my comfort.
“I want to stay in your room, if you’ll allow me.”
His eyes light up, those hazelnut-flecked eyes, the perfect color to complement his long raven hair, which is tied in a ponytail. I hear his breathing become a little heavier, or perhaps more relaxed. The large deadhead moth tattoo that is wrapped around his throat, comes to rest as well.
“Then I’ll carry your suitcase and boxes to my room, whenever you are ready to go to sleep, and you can unpack tomorrow,” he says with relief.
He rests his hand on the small of my back as he guides me away from the bedrooms and continues the house tour.
Everywhere I look, I see paintings of all sizes in ornate frames, mounted animals, antique lamps, jewelry boxes, and books.
It feels as if the house swallows me whole—its maw wide, its teeth made of everything I adore.
The trepidation I felt upon arriving evaporates with each step I take deeper into Jasper’s den. A lair I want to explore.
“Are you hungry?” Jasper asks, when we descend the stairs.
I nod. “I could eat something.”
He leads me back to the kitchen, and I sit down on one of the mahogany chairs, admiring the intricate details carved into the wood.
“Would you like some tea as well?”
“Yes, please,” I say, as I gaze at him, unable to keep the smile from my face, and he grins back at me. He sifts through the kitchen cabinets to fetch the kettle and two porcelain cups. From a drawer he takes a jar with fresh honey.
I glance at him.
I want to frame this moment so I can relish in it a little longer, as it encompasses the peace I’ve been yearning for.