CHAPTER 16 - Noah Black
It’s you, it’s always you
If I ever fall in love, I know it will be with you
It’s you, it’s always you
I’ve met so many people, but no one is like you
It’s You – Ali Gatie
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, noticing that the bruises on the front are lighter since most of the blows landed on my back and arms.
I was asleep when he came into my room.
When he started hitting me, I just curled up and waited for him to get tired.
It’s been like this for years.
He hits, gets tired, and leaves.
I take it all without screaming, even though a desperate scream always wants to claw its way out.
Deep down, I think each beating is partly meant to pressure me into talking.
Gavin wants to make sure I’ll never talk. And there’s no better way to guarantee that than beating me.
If I don’t scream in pain, what else would make me talk?
I grew up without love, care, or affection.
I always knew Gavin and Sarah shouldn’t be parents.
Still, I only truly understood their cruelty when Gavin told me he’d killed Bryan. And when they locked me in the clinic, I knew I’d always be at their mercy.
I had no one left, since I believed Bryan was dead.
But then Sadie was born, and I decided to live only for her.
If it weren’t for her, I would have ended my life already.
If she hadn’t come along, there would be nothing left inside me worth living for.
“Gavin is calling for you to meet the new teacher,” Greta says, appearing at the door and pulling me from my thoughts. It takes me a moment to process her words. “She’s new, so maybe she won’t be as rude as the last one,” she continues, waiting for my reaction.
I nod, forcing a smile, and walk over to her.
“I hope he can get you both out of here,” she murmurs, her eyes glistening with tears. “Just be careful, because I can’t stand seeing you hurt anymore.”
I don’t say anything, but I hug her tight.
Greta has always been with me.
Always.
She tended to my wounds.
Felt my pain.
Consoled me in my darkest moments.
And now she’s helping me with Bryan’s return.
Yesterday, when he dropped me off at home, she smiled, her eyes shining with hope.
I let go of her and wipe away a tear running down her face.
“I love you, girl, and one day I’ll hear you say you love me again.” She lowers my hand and turns, heading toward the stairs while I go to the room next door.
I find my little butterfly drawing on the bed.
I walk over, and my heart seems to skip a beat when she flashes me a smile and shows me the paper.
“Me,” she points to the little girl running, “the hunter,” she continues, showing what I believe is Bryan in costume chasing her, “and you.” She smiles, and I stare at myself on the page.
In the drawing, I’m watching the two of them play with a happy smile.
“Our future,” she finishes with a little laugh, clapping her hands, and I feel the lump in my throat tighten.
I want to believe in this.
I want it so badly that ever since I got home yesterday, I’ve been fantasizing about the two of us far from here, far from these monsters.
Bryan is somehow managing to tear down the walls I built around myself.
He’s giving me the most dangerous weapon there is: hope.
I’ve held it in my hands before, and I know how painful it is to watch it shatter.
I’m afraid—terrified—of being shattered again, because this time my pieces wouldn’t just hurt me.
They would tear my little girl apart.
Why did you draw this?
“I dreamed that the three of us lived in a really, really big house.” She opens her little arms wide to show the size, and my heart skips a beat.
“And every Sunday, you and the hunter would play chase with me. There were no monsters or witches, because he got rid of them all.” Her smile fades a little.
“It would be better if you were my mommy and he was my daddy, so we could leave here and go really, really far away.”
Her words hurt so much that I feel like someone shoved their hand into my chest and ripped out what little life was left in it.
Sadie has never said in so many words that she wanted me as her mother, and hearing it now, for the first time, hits harder than I ever imagined.
I sit on the bed and pull her into a hug, trying not to let the storm of tears overflow.
How I wish I could be her mother.
How I wish I’d had the chance to hold her without fear.
To breastfeed her and gaze into her shining little blue eyes.
To give her a home that wasn't a prison.
But I can't do any of that, not while we live here.
“Don't be sad,” she whispers, squeezing me. “I know we're gonna get out of here, I know it deep in my heawt,” she says with such conviction that I squeeze her a little tighter.
Her world is still made of drawings and hopes.
Mine, of wounds.
She dreams of happy endings; I live with the cruel reality.
I let her go and tuck a curl behind her ear.
One day we're both going to get out of here, and we'll play not just on Sundays, but every single day.
She smiles.
I like it better this way.
I'd rather she stay in her rose-colored world.
That she keep believing in a better future.
If I take that away from her, maybe there'll be nothing left.
You really liked Bryan, didn't you?
I ask when she goes back to coloring his clothes.
“You look at him different,” she whispers, glancing at the open door, afraid someone might hear us. “And when he shows up I get good goosebumps in my tummy,” she confesses shyly.
He's a good person. And he said he's a hunter, so maybe he really will get rid of all the monsters and witches?
I smile, remembering his gentle touch on my skin.
The care he showed yesterday while kissing my bruises.
And despite his reaction when he found out about the beating, the way he made it clear he's not a man who plays by the rules, that he'll kill if necessary—he's still a good man.
When he dropped me off at the fortress, the feeling was awful, and I'm absolutely certain I only came back because of Sadie.
If it weren't for her, I'm sure I'd already be far away from this hell, even without fully knowing how Bryan lives or what he's really become.
“Will you draw with me?” she asks, handing me a notebook, already getting excited.
We need to meet your new teacher
I warn her, and she shakes her head no.
I think this time she's a good person
“It never is,” she murmurs sadly, lowering her head, but I gently lift her little face.
This time it will be. I promise. I sign, raising my pinky finger.
She touches hers to mine, and I seal the promise, knowing that's the only way she'll believe it.
Let's go downstairs.
I call to her, standing up, and she gets to her feet on the bed.
I open my arms and she jumps.
The scent of strawberry shampoo fills my senses, and I squeeze her a little tighter before walking out of the room.
“I thought I was going to have to come get you,” Sarah says sharply as I start down the steps.
I look to the side and see a woman who looks nothing like the Lauren I knew years ago.
As far as I knew, she had long blonde hair, but now it's chocolate brown and cropped close to her nape.
Her eyes, once blue, now have black contacts in them.
She's wearing a jacket and jeans, but it's obvious she's still as beautiful as before.
“This is Sadie, and she's the one you'll need to teach.” Sarah points to my arms. “She's quite obedient, but if she misbehaves or gives you trouble, let me know and I'll handle it.”
“Handle it” is her pretty way of saying she'll hit her.
Bitch!
“Noah is the one who stays home all day, but she doesn't speak, so if you need to ask her anything, Sadie or the housekeeper have to be present. Only the two of them understand the gestures Noah makes,” she warns, her contempt obvious.
“Your room is behind the kitchen, and your meals are served there.”
Lauren nods, her expression neutral.
“Classes will be in the morning and afternoon,” she continues, crossing her arms, and I lean against the stair railing. “Monday through Friday, you stay only inside the house. We don't allow evening outings.”
“That's fine.”
“Saturday at dawn you go home and come back early Monday.”
“I arranged with Mr. Gavin for my days off to be monthly, since I need the money to pay for a graduate program.”
“He didn't tell me,” she responds, but turns her attention to me. “Sadie, where are your manners? Greet Elizabeth.”
“Good morning.” My little girl lifts her face from my chest, doing what the witch commands.
“Good morning, Sadie, Noah.” She nods and I do the same. “Today I'm going to get settled and put together your study plan, so we'll start tomorrow.”
“Do you need anything else?” Sarah asks, and when Lauren says no, she strides toward the front door.
The air even feels lighter when the door closes.
It's a relief to know she only came here to pick up Lauren.
It would be awful to have to put up with her all afternoon.
The evening is already torture enough.
“How about you show me your room, Sadie?” she asks, and something in her gaze tells me she wants to get away from the cameras.
Sadie looks at me and I nod.
The three of us go upstairs in silence.
When we reach the second floor, Lauren heads straight to mine.
“Your room is the only one without cameras?” she asks, already checking every corner. “Why doesn't it have any? Does hers?”
I can't answer, so I set Sadie on the bed and head to the closet to grab my phone.
I turn it on, and as soon as the screen lights up, I start typing.
There are no cameras in the bedrooms, only in the other rooms.
Can you stop snooping around?
I show her the screen, and she stares at me once she's done reading.
“I needed to make sure there really weren't any,” she replies, and I lower the phone.
“I know we didn't get along back then, but I work for Bryan and I take what he tells me seriously, so we need to be partners,” she says firmly.
I taste the bitterness of jealousy, remembering that while I was stuck here, she was by his side.
“I need you to cooperate with me and show me every inch of this mansion, but not now—only in the middle of the night.”
I furrow my brow, confused.