CHAPTER 17 - Bryan Trevor
You mess me up
I lose control
When you're not here with me, hmm
Lose control – Teddy Swims
The room is dim when I reach the window.
The faint light from the bedside lamp barely illuminates the space, but it's enough to show me Noah is restless—restless in a way that isn't normal.
I open the window and struggle to get through, my body catching on the edges—I've put on enough weight and muscle over the years to make squeezing through a challenge.
When my feet touch the floor, a grunt of pain escapes her throat, echoing through the room and reverberating through me.
I cross the room in long strides and find her thrashing violently, arms and legs flailing as if fighting something invisible.
Sweat glistens on her face, mixing with tears that stream down even in her sleep.
My breath catches as I realize she's trapped in a nightmare, and with each jolt of her body, my chest tightens a little more.
Few things in this world can shake me, but seeing Noah suffer is at the top of that list.
I've watched people beg for mercy, stared down men writhing in agony as I ripped off their limbs, put bullets in heads at point-blank range—but nothing, absolutely nothing, has hit me like this. Watching her thrash, fighting ghosts I have no idea how to exorcise.
An insane mix of pain and hatred floods through me.
A pair that's become my constant companion these past few days.
But I shove it down, tuck it away in a corner of my chest, and sit beside her.
“Butterfly, wake up, it's just a nightmare,” I call softly, trying to pull her out of it.
But she doesn't come back.
Agonized sounds escape her lips, and her legs keep thrashing no matter how I try to wake her.
Carefully, I put my hands on her shoulders and try to hold her still. She struggles against me, and the grunts turn into sharp whimpers of panic.
It's painful to hear those broken sounds, each one heavy with suffering.
I long to hear her speak again—but words that make her happy, words that ring from her throat like music.
Never these agonizing grunts.
“Noah, wake up! You need to wake up!” I say firmly, trying to break through the wall of terror holding her captive.
When my voice can't reach her, I lower myself and press my body over hers, wrapping my arms around her, trying to still the tremors wracking through her.
I can almost feel her heart pounding.
Gradually, with the weight of my body on hers, she starts to calm. But the stillness doesn't last—soon I feel her hands shoving me away.
I pull back, giving her the space she needs, and find her staring at me with wide, panicked eyes.
I watch her shake her head frantically as she sits up, pushing herself back against the headboard, arms wrapped around herself—and only then do I realize what I've done by pinning her down.
Fuck!
“Hey, it's me, Bryan,” I say softly, trying to get her to focus on me without moving closer and scaring her more.
Noah blinks rapidly, trying to control her breathing.
I wait for her to calm down.
I give her time to come back from whatever was consuming her.
To realize it's me.
I hold her gaze the entire time, and while I wait for her to recover, the only thing I can think is that I'll never get used to seeing her like this.
Frightened.
Vulnerable.
Confused.
Broken.
And unable to voice what's going through her head.
No one thrashes like that from a simple nightmare.
It's clear there's something much deeper haunting her. And I need to find a way to get her to share that burden with me.
When she's calmer, I move closer, sliding toward her.
I offer my hand, and she laces her fingers through mine.
You're not alone.
My eyes scream it, and she understands—I know she does, because her fingers squeeze mine and she gives me a sad smile.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly. She shakes her head no.
I want to push, but I know I can't.
I shift up so I can sit beside her, leaning back against the headboard.
I pull her toward me slowly, and she settles between my legs, leaning back against my chest.
Her body is still trembling, but gradually the shaking fades.
I try to offer some kind of comfort through my body, through my fingers stroking her hair.
We stay silent because I know there are no words that can erase the pain she carries.
I hope my being here reminds her that I still care. And that she has someone willing to burn the whole damn world down just to make sure she's okay.
She settles in slowly, letting her face rest against my chest, and I don’t know how I survived the last few years without her by my side.
Noah won me over that night at the lake and every night that followed.
I became hers and could never belong to anyone else.
“I had a lot of nightmares when I was under Paul and Florence’s care,” I begin, letting slip a piece of what I went through in those dark months.
“It was hell, because most of them were about me chasing an injured woman, but whenever I managed to reach her, I’d wake up.
” I remember perfectly that agonizing feeling of waking up and not knowing what the dream meant.
“It was you. My subconscious never forgot you, Noah—it was always screaming at me that you were in danger. I just couldn’t figure it out, unfortunately! ”
I feel something wetting my shirt and know it’s her tears.
“I wish I had come back sooner. I wish I could erase everything your mind holds. I wish I could have protected you from everything you went through.” My chest aches with my own words.
“I couldn’t, but I promise that if it’s up to me, you’ll never go through anything that hurts you again.
And I’ll make sure every person who hurt you pays for it, no matter who they are. ”
Her body pulls away and her eyes, still glistening, stare at me.
Speak, my love, just tell me what I can do to take that pain from your eyes.
I practically scream, but no words leave her lips.
How are you feeling?
I sign with my hands and a small smile spreads across her face.
Better.
Now I’m the one smiling, able to understand her response.
Did something happen to upset you?
I’m not sure if I signed it right, but I can tell I did when she responds.
That was one of the questions I tried hardest to learn in today’s class.
I always need to know if something happened to her.
No. Just a nightmare.
She responds, and two knocks on the door make her jump off the bed while I spring up at lightning speed.
I run to the closet, already grabbing the gun hidden at my lower back.
“Ready, girl?” Lauren’s voice carries through the room and I put the pistol away, returning to the bedroom. “What are you doing here?” she asks when she sees me coming back. “I thought you trusted me when you gave me a mission,” she grumbles.
“I came to see how Noah is, but now that I’m here, I think I’ll check out the mansion.”
“That’s way too risky,” Lauren comments, crossing her arms. “If something goes wrong, he’ll only see the employee wandering around the house, but if you show up on the cameras, everything goes down the drain.
” I look at Noah and she nods in agreement.
“Besides, you need to be at the house to tell me if the cameras are working.”
“Right now Luke is already on the phone with Blake1 and in front of the screens,” I say, mentioning our friend, owner of Wolf Security, a renowned security company in Oregon.
“But it really is risky, so I’ll head back home and keep watch the entire time you’re installing the cameras.
” I look at my girl and move closer again.
“Lauren’s going to put them here and in Sadie’s room, okay?
” I ask and she nods. “If you need me, at any moment, send me a discreet signal.”
Which one?
“You can scratch the corner of your mouth.” She makes the gesture and I nod. “I’ll be here in seconds the moment I see you do that.”
“Are you going to watch the cameras twenty-four seven?” Lauren asks.
“I’ll rotate with some people I trust because I need to leave the house to handle other things,” I answer, walking to Noah and pressing a kiss to her temple. “Wait for me to get home because I want to watch every second of you two, and when everything’s done, lie down and try to rest.”
She nods and I can see she’s apprehensive about our plan, but she doesn’t try to stop us because she knows it’s necessary.
I pull away and head to the window.
“You know you’re too big to fit through there, right?” Lauren teases as I position myself in the opening.
“I don’t have another option at the moment, but soon this won’t be necessary anymore.” I wink at Noah, and even in the low light I see her blush.
Damn!
I’ll never get used to her blushing around me.
I swing my body outside, and when my feet hit the balcony, I turn and climb down the tree quickly.
I walk to the edge of the woods where my car is parked, and soon I’m on my way home.
“They’re ready. You can deactivate everything!” I call out, watching Blake work on the screens beside him.
He’s in his office in Portland, and I know this because, beyond the gray and black décor, I can see a good portion of the city behind him through the enormous glass wall.
When I discovered that Blake was the one in charge of the mansion’s security, I immediately knew it would be easier to infiltrate. We’re not longtime friends, but we know each other from the security business and have built a bond—whenever one of us needs help, the other is willing to step up.
Besides, he’s a man of character, and all it took was telling him a bit about the kind of man Gavin is for him to agree to help me.
“All set, Bryan, but I need you to be quick,” he warns, and I nod.
“Green light, Lauren,” my brother signals over the phone.
The first camera comes online a few minutes later, and I immediately notice it’s in the little one’s room. She’s asleep, clutching a teddy bear, covered by a pink sheet.
My heart races watching her sleep so peacefully.
How did I get so attached to this little girl so fast?
It’s not just Noah I’m desperate to get out of that hell.
Every decision, strategy, and plan I’m making is designed to keep them both safe.