CHAPTER 18 - Noah Black
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes full of tears
When you had not touched me yet
The Night We Met – Lord Huron
Lord, purify this house.
Cast out rebellion with the strength of Your command.
May each member of this family know their rightful place,
and may obedience be the pillar of our salvation.
“Amen,” Sadie and the other two repeat in unison, and I just nod.
Gavin always fixes his eagle eyes on me at the end of the prayer, searching for any trace of defiance.
The simple act of bowing my head is enough to convince him I prayed.
The good thing about not speaking is that while he performs this hypocritical ritual, I imagine him choking to death.
Every bite could be his last, and everything would be so much easier.
“Your cousin Tilden is arriving tonight and spending the weekend with us,” Gavin announces contentedly, still staring at me, and my entire body trembles at the news.
I hate that boy.
I hate that he looks exactly like his father.
Because in him, I see everything that happened that damned night.
Tilden stirs up the worst pain still screaming inside me. And unleashes the monsters I try to keep chained.
I was drugged, but certain details are seared into my mind.
The filthy weight of a body on top of mine.
The unwanted touches burning my skin.
The hoarse moans that still echo in my ears.
The cruel whispers that sent chills through me.
And the rotten stench of alcohol mixed with sweat that seems permanently lodged in my nostrils.
The memory tears me apart inside until there's no air left.
I close my eyes, but the ghosts don't hide.
They invade me.
They suffocate me.
I try to keep them locked away because if I fall apart now, I'll be punished.
I dig my nails into my bare thigh until I feel the skin break.
I need the physical pain to drag me out of the torture inside.
But it's not stronger than the voices screaming in my head.
My breathing turns ragged even as I try to control it.
I feel tingling in my hands, my feet, my face, and my body no longer seems under my control.
My chest tightens as if someone is crushing my heart.
My feet tap against the floor, harder and harder, faster and faster.
My hands tremble.
My legs too.
My stomach churns and bitter bile rises in my throat.
I feel sweat soaking the back of my neck.
The walls start closing in and I no longer know what's real or just anxiety, just panic.
I don't know if I'm at the table or lying in bed.
I only know I'm trapped in that nightmare again.
I'm about to run when I feel a tiny hand settle on top of mine, pulling me from the abyss of my mind.
Suddenly, a crack opens in the darkness.
I turn and find Sadie.
She stares at me in silence, but the smile she gives me is a scream.
A scream saying: “I'm here. You're not alone.”
My eyes well up, brimming with tears that beg to fall, but then her smile wavers and her little eyes fill with fear.
She knows.
She understands.
She gets it—if I fall apart now, they'll punish me.
I can't let Sadie see that.
I can't let them do that in front of her because she'll suffer, so I swallow my tears.
I feel the lump go down, tearing at my throat, ripping me open inside.
And even as I bleed in silence, I fake strength.
For her.
“How wonderful!” Sarah comments, and I stare at her, finding a cruel smile on her lips. “While he's here, he can pass on some of his teachings to our dear Sadie.”
I grit my teeth and keep trying not to shatter in front of them.
I remember there are cameras everywhere now.
I cling to the only certainty I have left: if Tilden so much as approaches my girl, Bryan will intervene.
“We'll have plenty to discuss, since he's old enough now to be part of the household—part of everything,” Gavin says, and Sarah smiles knowingly.
My stomach twists.
I don't really get what he means by “the house,” but he always uses these damn codes when I'm around.
“His arrival will be perfect,” Sarah responds, lifting her fork to her mouth. “I'll have Greta prepare one of the guest rooms, along with his favorite food.”
“Do that,” he declares, and we all go back to eating. “I'll be downstairs and don't want to be disturbed,” Gavin warns a few minutes later, standing up.
Sarah just nods, playing the perfect obedient wife.
I, on the other hand, feel my throat closing up.
The pasta I'm chewing feels like it's full of thorns, scraping my throat raw as it goes down.
Still, I keep eating.
They hate it when I leave food on my plate.
“You should spend some time with your cousin—maybe he'll get you talking again,” she says, staring at me, and I shove more food in my mouth to avoid showing any reaction.
“You were the worst thing that ever happened to this family.” Her words don't hurt like they used to.
“You're lucky Sadie came along, otherwise you'd be long gone by now.”
She stands up too, and as she turns to climb the stairs, I stare at the camera hidden in the corner of the picture frame, right in front of me.
I don't know if he's watching, but I hope he is, because my eyes are begging him to get us out of here.
After last night, after seeing that he managed to hack into the mansion's security system and plant his own hidden cameras, I can believe it.
I believe he can pull us out of this hell.
Give us a decent life.
But most importantly, save Sadie.
I'll cling to this hope like I've never clung to anything in my life.
Alone, I'm nobody.
But he… he can destroy these monsters.
Together, we have to be enough to protect our girl.
“Are you feeling better?” The sweet voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I look at her. “Don't be sad because of them.”
I'm okay, my love.
Thank you for helping me through the panic attack.
I sign, and she launches herself at me.
I push my chair back and hold her in my arms.
I love you, Butterfly.
I love you from here…
“To infinity,” she finishes, and I hug her tight, feeling the numbness in my body fade away.
Looking over her shoulder, I find Greta and Lauren watching us.
Both give me a sad smile, but in Lauren's there's a quiet certainty that she'll help get us out of here.
And for a moment, the fear that's been suffocating me seems to retreat.
It's replaced by a quiet strength that comes from knowing we're no longer alone.
Tilden is drunk.
It's obvious from the way he laughs—loud and uncontrolled—as he downs his third whiskey.
He takes a drag from his cigar and releases the smoke into the air, imitating Gavin's gesture from earlier with careless arrogance.
I haven't had to go downstairs yet.
I haven't been called.
But I needed to prepare myself to see him again, or I'd fall apart.
That's why I crept up to the stairs and have been watching for the past few minutes.
My first reaction when I saw him was terror.
Flashbacks flooded my mind, but I forced myself to shove them down to avoid another panic attack.
I knew this moment would come.
I tried to prepare myself for this, but how do you prepare to face someone whose face is your deepest wound?
I know I can't show fear, or he'll swallow me alive.
Besides, if I lose control, Gavin will punish me.
And I don't have the strength to survive another beating.
I still feel the pain from the last one in every part of my body.
“And the little girl? Last time I saw her, she was still a baby.” His voice puts me on edge—I had no idea he'd already seen Sadie.
“She's grown quite a bit, but not enough,” Gavin responds, and my chest tightens.
I put my butterfly to bed early.
I won't let Tilden touch her.
I can't let her see even a glimpse of the monster he is.
“Noah.” Gavin's deep voice echoes through the mansion, and my whole body trembles. “Come down.”
I take a deep breath and wait a few seconds so he won't realize I was already nearby. Only then do I appear at the top of the stairs.
I put on dark jeans and a long coat, trying to create a barrier between Tilden and my body. I knew it wouldn't be enough, and I'm proven right when his gaze travels over every inch of me as I descend the stairs.
I swallow hard and adjust my coat, desperate to keep everything hidden.
Tilden walks toward the stairs, and when I reach the bottom, he flashes me a sleazy smile while extending his hand.
Reluctantly, I take it, and he presses a kiss to the back of my hand.
Disgust washes over me, and the moment he releases my hand, I quickly tuck it inside my coat, wiping away any trace of his revolting lips.
“Good thing you came,” he says, his voice dripping with malice. “I've been eager to talk to you.”
The stench of alcohol on his breath makes my stomach churn, and I have to hold my breath to keep from vomiting.
He steps back the instant Gavin rises from the armchair.
“Sit down, Noah. Tilden has a lot to discuss with you.” It's not a request. It's a damn order. “If you have any problems, don't hesitate to call me,” he says—not to me, of course.
His footsteps echo across the floor, and then he disappears upstairs.
“You know, being a man has its advantages,” Tilden says, taunting me as I sit down. He leans against the arm of the sofa. “Uncle has always idolized me, and I know it's going to be even better after I finally enter the primordial house—especially if the Redoubt works.”
Curiosity pricks at me when I hear the reference again, and for a moment I wish I could speak.
I want to ask questions, to try to understand what he's referring to!
But I just stay rigid, and every muscle in my body tenses when I notice him approaching.
He leans over me, one arm on each side of the armchair, trapping me.
Flashbacks of that night with his father explode in my mind, and even as I try to control myself, my hands begin to tremble.
My heart races like a runaway train, and my breathing, just like earlier, becomes short and ragged.
“Why are you so covered up, sweet cousin?” He smiles, and I will my legs to kick him in the balls, but they feel like lead, refusing to move.
“What are you trying to hide?” His mouth moves close to my ear.
“I think I have rights over you too, don't I? What do you say we go upstairs and you take off those ridiculous clothes?”
I push him, but he doesn't even budge.
I remember the signal and quickly scratch the corner of my mouth, silently begging Bryan to see, to send help, but no one appears.
The air catches in my throat, and I bring my hand to it, fearing I'll suffocate.
My vision begins to blur, and I realize tears are falling, beyond my control.
His night-dark eyes stare at me with terrifying satisfaction.
He's loving every second of seeing me cornered and afraid.
“Dear, is everything okay?” Lauren's voice pulls me back from the nightmare closing in around me, and I sob as I look at her while Tilden pulls back, still smiling smugly.
“I don't know you, dear.” He uses the same term she used for me, but unlike Lauren, his voice drips with sarcasm.
“I'm Sadie's new teacher,” she introduces herself, extending her hand toward him. He accepts the greeting. “I know Noah was feeling unwell during the day, so I came to see how she's feeling.” She moves past him and approaches me. “Was she feeling sick again?” She feigns innocence, and he nods.
“That's right. I noticed she was short of breath, so I came over to help her,” he lies shamelessly.
“How kind,” Lauren responds, and I don't know how she manages to be so good at pretending.
Tilden just smiles and turns, heading up the stairs.
Lauren hugs me tight the moment he disappears, and I let myself fall apart in her arms.
I cry, trying to purge the painful memories.
Her fingers massage my arms, giving me space to cry and release the anguish.
When I finally manage to calm down, footsteps echo again, and when I look up, I see him approaching once more.
Tilden stops and stares at us.
“I'm going out to a bar with friends,” he announces, fixing his gaze on me. “But when I get back, I'll make a point of visiting you in your room.”
He spins around and heads toward the entrance, slamming the door behind him.
I fall apart again, imagining him entering my room with no way for me to stop him.
Lauren kneels in front of me and lifts my chin.
I watch her scratch her ear.
“He just left and said he was going to meet some friends at a bar.” I narrow my eyes, and only then do I realize she has some kind of communicator.
I remember her mentioning it while installing the cameras.
“You don't need to be afraid, Noah,” she says, turning back to me.
“You'll never have to see that vermin again. Bryan will personally make sure he never hurts you.”
Her words sink into my head.
I start gesturing frantically.
What does he intend to do?
“What should have been done years ago,” she continues, her voice cold, “because when we cut down the tree, we also need to crush the fruit that falls from it.”
A shiver runs down my spine, but it's not from fear or dread.
That's what I felt just moments ago, when that bastard was cornering me, crushing me with his presence and malice.
Now it's different.
This sensation embraces me.
It brings relief to my already exhausted body.
The realization that I won't have to cross paths with Tilden anymore is sweet.
I don't know who Bryan has become and, honestly, I don't care.
Right now, the only thing that matters is that he's going to destroy that vermin—my cousin.
“He wasn't joking when he said he was going to get you out of here,” she murmurs with conviction, and I nod.
It's all still so surreal.
I sign, and only then do I realize she understood my gestures.
“I'm studying education and took a summer course on deaf studies,” she responds, reading my thoughts.
And she let me type?
“You didn't give me the option, since you started typing frantically on your phone before I could even respond.” She shrugs, standing up. “I didn't want to interrupt you. Now go upstairs and get some rest. Your day was pretty chaotic.”
Thank you!
I thank her and she just smiles.
Maybe she's not as bad as I imagined. As my jealousy projected.
I don't know what would have become of me tonight without her and the cameras surrounding us.