Chapter 17
BECAUSE HE WON’T TELL YOU
CALISTA
The shelter looks the same.
Same chipped tiles.
Same flickering light in the hallway.
Same quiet desperation folded into every bed and blanket.
But I’m not the same.
I walk through it like a ghost now—smiling when I’m supposed to, nodding when someone speaks, but there’s nothing real behind it. Just glass.
I’ve rebuilt these walls before. Brick by brick. Grief by grief. But this time, I don’t even wait for the mortar to dry. I avoid the window. I pretend I don’t hear footsteps on the roof late at night. I pretend I don’t know he’s still out there.
The man who was hired to kill me. The man who saved me. The man who made me feel safe. The man I fell in love with.
I go to the small office to work on grant paperwork. I don’t have the wherewithal to sit with people, serve them. I just want to go to bed and be unconscious, not think of or dream about Lucian.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Call me caro.”
There’s a knock on the door, and it opens even before I say the magic words, “Come in.”
“Wow.” Logan steps inside with what I can only define as effortless arrogance. “You look like hell.”
“Nice to see you, too,” I reply sardonically.
I know how I look. Tired. Sad. A woman with a broken heart. A bereft soul.
He shuts the door behind him and leans against it. “Mind if I skip the small talk?”
“I insist.”
He crosses his arms. “Lucian’s still watching you.”
I look away. “Tell him to stop.”
“He’s not going to. And when he’s not watching you, there’s someone else. He wants you safe.”
“If he wants me to be safe, he needs to stay away from me,” I want to scream, but even I’m not that big a hypocrite. It feels good to know he’s still protecting me, still there for me, still with me.
How did my life get so muddled?
I stand, signaling an end to this conversation. Logan’s voice drops. Lower, softer, ominous. “I’m here because you’re going to get some news shortly.”
I arch an eyebrow.
“He fell in love with you, Calista.”
I gasp.
“And you fell in love with him.”
“We barely know each other,” I whisper. But then the rage—the fear of losing him, the weight of loving him—rises in my chest, and I say, louder now, “And let’s not forget—he was hired to kill me. How much was my life worth to you?”
“Hundred thousand.”
I whistle softly. That’s a lot of money for little ol’ me.
“You don’t think he could’ve finished the job ten different times by now? You think saving you from the men sent to kill you was a fluke?”
“I know it wasn’t.” Even I wasn’t that stupid. “I…can’t be with a man who kills people.”
“How about a man who loves you?”
I purse my lips, falling silent.
“He’s going to keep watching you, even though you’re not in danger”—Logan looks at his watch and grins—“any longer.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s not going to be able to live without you, Calista.”
Neither am I.
How can a man I just met change my entire life? And why does it feel like I’ve known him forever?
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask.
“Because he won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. Deserve you. Deserve love.” Logan tilts his head. “He thinks you’re precious, innocent, and he’ll taint you with his ugly.”
“He wants to talk to me, then he can. You don’t have to play interference.”
Logan smiles sadly. “If you want him, you’ll have to make the move. He won’t. He can’t. It’s against his principles to drag you into his darkness. Even if you already live there with him.”
I swallow hard, my chest tight.
“He’s not dragging me anywhere,” I whisper. “I’m walking…away.”
Logan’s eyes soften. “Please don’t walk away; walk to him.”
He means it. Even though he knows Lucian is a killer, he knows his brother lives by a code.
Lucian is a mass of contradictions. Cold hands, warm heart, Silent mouth, screaming loyalty. A weapon forged for death, who somehow still believes in protecting life. Broken and brutal, but more honorable than men who wear white hats and polished smiles.
I press a hand to my temple, trying to hold everything in.
He turns to leave.
“Logan,” I say before he goes.
He pauses.
“Did he ever—did Lucian ever…feel anything before me?”
Have there been others? Women he loved? Women he lost?
“No. You’re the first and you’ll be the only.”
Tears roll down my cheeks.
Logan groans. “Ah fuck. He’s going to kill me.”
He draws me into his arms, and I sob softly, clutching his shirt. He soothes me, stroking my back, whispering that it’s all going to be okay.
I don’t believe him.