48. Aeris
Aeris
I could barely stand. My legs still shook as I leaned against the wall in the shower, my forehead pressed to the cold tile, trying and failing to ground myself.
Breathe.
I didn’t just have the best sex of my life with Caden-fucking-Ackworth.
It must be the hormones. They’d clearly muddled my brain.
That was the only explanation that made sense.
Could someone actually get brain damage from too many orgasms?
I never thought I’d be the one testing that theory, but there I was, dangerously close to forgetting every reason this was a terrible idea.
Forgetting how one ruthless, possessive man had just unravelled me so completely that I somehow felt … lighter.
My skin was still too sensitive, the warmth of the water making me tremble beneath the stream. I held my breath, dropping my head back and allowing the spray to coat my face so I could just think of … nothing.
I forced everything away: Selene, Vivienne, Mira, and the terrifying way Caden made me feel safe. I focused only on the water stealing my breath, the steady rhythm of my heartbeat, and the way my lungs began to burn.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I’d wanted out. I’d wanted a life without lies, without blood, and the constant weight of death and deceit pressing down on my chest. A quiet existence where I didn’t have to sell pieces of myself to survive.
Where I could just be an aunt making ridiculous birthday cakes, reading stories about sea monsters, and laughing without having to plan every move.
I’d wanted to sing in small, smoky clubs where no one knew my real name. To move to the coast, wake up to the sound of waves, and walk barefoot along the shore every morning, letting the cold sea wash over my feet.
I’d wanted freedom, a life outside of this world.
But Caden would keep me in it.
I opened my eyes to find him leaning against the sink, simply watching me, devoid of his mask. He’d pulled on his jeans, leaving them unfastened as my gaze was drawn to the V between his hips.
“You don’t have any aftercare products,” he said, and I swallowed against the intensity of his attention.
Stepping back so my face was out of the shower, I gestured to the cupboard behind him. “Beneath the sink.”
He raised a single brow then turned. I studied the silver scars, faint lines that were barely slivers against his skin.
You couldn’t really see them unless you were really looking, your eyes automatically drawn to the tattoos or the large mark on his shoulder.
The scar there was circular, the skin raised and three times the size of the one on his front.
His tattoo curled around it, but unlike the smaller side, it didn’t try to blend into those vicious waves.
Caden turned back, and our eyes collided.
Shit.
Fucking Caden again had been a mistake. Not only because it was complicating things, but because we’d done it here of all places, at Atlantis where eyes were always on me, with Renley, and apparently Albus reporting every little thing back to Selene.
I didn’t want to use sex as a weapon, but I couldn’t seem to stop.
The spray turned off, and I turned to frown at Caden, his arm wet as he pulled it back. He didn’t say anything as I stepped out, the water dripping off my skin before he gently dried me with a towel.
“A shower room is convenient,” he commented, carefully wringing out the water from my hair before reaching for a brush. I didn’t stop him as he gently began to brush the strands.
“We offer a full service at Atlantis,” I whispered in reply, feeling … not hollow, exactly. Vulnerable, maybe? Like he saw too much. More than I was willing to give.
Our silence was too comforting, too soft compared to what we’d just done.
Once he was done, he placed the brush on the sink before reaching for a bottle.
“Take this.” He twisted the cap off the electrolyte drink and shoved it at me.
I glared at him.
“Fine, I’ll do it for you.” Pursing his lips, he pinched my jaw and forced my mouth open.
I shoved him, hard. He didn’t move, but he did release me. His gaze pointed until I finally snatched the bottle and downed it in several angry gulps.
“Happy?”
“No.” His expression seemed more severe, like he wasn’t sure how he was feeling. Which made two of us.
I started to giggle, unable to control it, and Caden gave me a deep, concerned frown. Honestly, if I could take anything from this fuck up—excluding the mind altering orgasms, of course—it was that I could confuse him.
“So,” I began once I’d gotten my laughter under control. “You’ve definitely done that before.”
“Done what before?” he asked slowly, like he was worried I was going to bolt.
Tempting.
“Fucked women until they cried. That was some therapy shit. Very cathartic. You should teach a class, I’m sure my Sirens could learn a thing or two.”
Caden cocked his head, watching me. “I don’t fuck women.”
“Oh God, if you say make love I swear I’ll—”
“I haven’t slept with anyone in over a year,” he admitted. “I haven’t been interested in anyone until you.”
I paused, searching his face for any trace of deceit. I found none, only a raw honesty that unsettled me more than any lie could have.
Shaking his head, he picked up a bottle of lotion and squeezed some into his palm. “Turn around.”
“Caden …”
“Aeris.” His eyes held mine, patient but commanding.
I turned, that vulnerability growing when he gently applied the lotion to my skin, over where his grip had likely left bruises. But it was too soft. Too careful. Too much.
“Stop it.”
He didn’t, adding pressure as he applied more. “Stop what?”
“Making me feel.” I turned, the words getting caught. “I can only do this if I’m cold. I can’t keep—”
“Can’t keep what?”
“Feeling, Caden.” I grabbed the towel, holding it to my front with clenched fists. “I can’t feel … because if I feel, I’ll break.”
“Then break,” he said roughly. “I’ve got you.”
“You don’t get it. If I break … I don’t know if I’ll be able to put myself back together again.”
Caden’s thumb stroked my cheek, gentle in a way that terrified me more than his violence ever could. “What are you so scared of?”
I laughed again, but the sound was wet, and I refused to shed any more tears. “I’m scared that this is wrong. I’m scared that I’m going to fail, and that everything I’ve done is for a ghost.”
His eyes darkened, but he didn’t comment.
“I started this because I was chasing Mira, and even now I can’t …
I can’t seem to get past it. That I’ve put others I love at risk, and for what?
” I swallowed past this lump in my throat.
“Mira hasn’t been sighted in over a decade.
I have the largest network of connections in the Underworld—people come to me to find someone—and I can’t find her. ”
My voice broke on the last word and I went to turn away, but Caden cupped my jaw to keep me in place.
“You don’t get it. You were always part of the plan, Prince. I’ve been playing you this entire time, adapting myself depending on which side was likely to come out on top.”
His expression didn’t change. “You planned to kill me.”
“Yes,” I whispered, time seeming to skip a beat. “But then you became insufferable,” I added, almost angrily, because it was easier than anything else. “And you made me—”
“Made you what?”
“Fall for you!”
Fuck’s sake. This couldn’t be true. I couldn’t be falling for a man that could never be mine.
“Say it again,” he said.
My chest tightened. “That I was planning to kill you?”
His eyes didn’t blink. “The other part.”
“You’re such an—”
His fingers tightened on my jaw.
“Fine,” I growled. “Yes, Caden. I fell for you. Falling, or whatever this is.”
His smile, when it came, was deliciously slow. “Good, because I don’t care about your past. I don’t care what you’ve had to do to survive and the decisions you made to get here. None of it fucking matters.”
A surprisingly gentle kiss brushed my skin, a stark contrast to the possessiveness in his voice.
“No more secrets, Tempest,” he said against my lips. “From now on, we do this together.”