Chapter 40
Forty
Snow swirls in the icy wind, and I wrap my arms around my body to warm myself. I’m standing outside the temple in my underclothes. I remember going inside, but I don’t know what happened or how I got out here.
The temple’s arched doorway is sealed. Am I done? Was that it? What happened?
I turn in a slow circle, my mind foggy. Why can’t I remember? Brow furrowed, I try to mentally retrace my steps. I walked to the temple. I went through the door. Then my memory goes dark. Everything after is missing.
There’s a burst of purple flames in my mind, but that doesn’t make sense. Fire isn’t purple.
Staring at the temple, I will my memory to return. When it doesn’t come, I trudge toward the temple and climb the steps. A gust of wind rushes by, nearly knocking me down.
I fight against it, trying to reach the door. The wind intensifies, and I hold my hands up in surrender. “Alright. I get it.”
As soon as I take my first step back down, the wind ceases.
They do not want me back inside that temple.
I inspect my arm and legs. I lift my undershirt. There are no lines on me. Unless the god’s gift mark is on my back, I don’t have one.
That can’t be good.
Did they reject me but allow me to live?
I begin to tremble, and my teeth chatter. I don’t feel cold, but my body is reacting. As if reminding me that I’m outside in a snowstorm in my underwear.
Still fighting the fog of confusion, I begin the trek back down the hill to where the carriage is supposed to be waiting for me.
I’m about halfway when I glance back at the temple and notice a trail of red footprints behind me. I gasp, then look down and take a step.
My boots leave crimson stains in the snow.
Like blood.
Heart pounding, I make myself walk forward. When I turn around, the red is gone. Nothing but fresh, seemingly pristine, undisturbed snow behind me. There’s not even a single footprint showing where I’ve been.
I move faster now. Seeing things that aren’t there is never a good sign.
My skin is blue by the time I spot the carriage. It’s a different one than when I arrived, but I can feel the cold biting into me now and I just want out of the wind and snow.
My hair hangs in wet strands, and my fingers are stiff. At least my feet are dry and warm. The boots held up well to the weather.
The carriage door swings open, and I let out a joyful cry when Brevan steps out.
He hurries toward me with a thick blanket. “Thank the gods you’re alive.”
“W-what are you d-doing h-here?” I ask while my teeth chatter.
“Caiden sent me. Told me he couldn’t bear to find your corpse if they rejected you.”
Another carriage rolls up behind us, and Brevan glances at it. “We have to go. The next candidate is ready.”
“H-how l-l-long?” I manage.
“You were gone about two hours. The emperor—he somehow knows when each candidate will be finished. But he never knows the outcome.” Brevan helps me into the carriage, then closes the door behind us. He pounds on the roof twice, and the carriage lurches forward.
As soon as we’re at a steady pace, Brevan moves next to me, then pulls me against him. His warmth seeps through the blanket, and I lean into it, closing my eyes until my teeth stop chattering.
My fingers hurt, but I move them slowly, and eventually, the feeling in my limbs returns. I don’t think I have frostbite. Which is very lucky considering that I have no clothes on.
“I don’t remember what happened,” I say.
“Nobody does.” He touches my cheek. “Your face is freezing.”
“Why didn’t anyone warn me?” I pull the blanket up so it’s covering my nose.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you. It just happened so fast.”
“If I died, where would my body be? Left in the temple?”
“No. It’s only happened once, but the dead man was dropped right at the carriage. It’s why Caiden didn’t want to come. He said it would break his heart.” He clenches his jaw and a vein in his temple bulges.
“But you came.” I lower the blanket from my face.
“I knew you’d live.”
“How?” I ask.
“Because I couldn’t even let myself imagine any other possibility.”
My stupid heart flutters, and warmth spreads from low in my belly. How could the gods be so cruel as to put this man in my life and then prevent me from having him?
“I received word today that Anya and all your other ladies arrived safely at the winter estate,” he says.
I sigh in relief. “Good. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Caiden has already arranged for you to join them after your wedding.” He turns away from me and looks out the window but doesn’t release me from his embrace.
I’m silent the rest of the journey. There’s so much I want to say, and yet, none of it matters. If I don’t wed Caiden, Anya and all the ladies who had the misfortune of being assigned to me will die. I can’t let that happen.
Just as we pass through the gates, I have an overwhelming urge to vomit. My eyes go wide, and I look to Brevan.
He must know what I’m feeling because he pounds on the roof twice. The carriage stops, and he opens the door. I only manage to get my head out of the carriage before I expel the contents of my stomach.
Brevan holds my hair, then rubs my back soothingly while I continue to retch until everything is gone.
Sweating and exhausted, I climb back into the seat and lean my head against the wall as we began moving.
“You’ll be sick for a few days,” he says.
I glare at him. “Another thing nobody warned me about?”
“Sorry.” He winces.
I throw the blanket off myself, suddenly so hot I fear I might pass out. I’m panting and sweating. “What is happening to me?”
“Nobody really knows but most of us react like this after the temple. Some don’t vomit, but everyone feels ill. And tired. You’re probably going to struggle to keep your eyes open soon.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “But don’t worry. I won’t leave you unguarded.”
The carriage rolls to a stop, and I shove the door open, vomiting again right in front of the main doors to the castle.
Caiden is waiting for me, his nose wrinkled in disgust.
Brevan throws the blanket over my shoulders. “She’s already ill.”
“I see that.” Caiden takes a few steps closer, and I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Can you walk to your room, or should Brevan carry you?” he asks.
I open my mouth to reply, then begin to heave again. There’s nothing left, but my body is still trying to expel whatever it thinks might be there.
“I’ll carry her,” Brevan says.
When I lean back away from the door, Brevan climbs out, then helps me into his arms. He holds me like a child. Or a bride.
My vision is blurry, and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.
“See her to her room, then find me. I want to know everything she said when you found her.” Caiden turns away from us and hurries to the door.
Brevan is silent as he carries me down halls and up stairs. I slip in and out of consciousness to the point where I’m wondering if this is even real.
He gets me into my—Anya’s room, then leaves me with a woman I don’t know. She says soothing things and has a kind voice, but I can’t quite understand her.
All I know is she manages to wash the sick from me and get me into a nightgown.
I have a vague memory of Brevan returning to carry me to my bed. Then everything goes dark.
There’s a crackling fire that casts shadows in a darkened room. Furs and blankets are piled on top of me, and I’m so warm and comfortable I almost close my eyes again. But my stomach rumbles, and my mouth is so dry. It feels like I swallowed sand.
When I sit up, my head spins, and I close my eyes for a moment until it stills, then open them again.
“You’re awake.”
I try to speak, but my voice is so hoarse it comes out as a croak.
“Don’t talk yet. I’ll get you some water.”
I smile as I watch Brevan throw the blankets he was sleeping under aside and walk to the table to pour me a cup of water from the pitcher.
He carries it to me. “Small sips. I know you’re thirsty, but trust me, if you drink too much it’ll all just come back up.”
I revel in the sensation of the cool liquid as it coats my tongue and flows down my parched throat. It’s the best water I’ve ever tasted.
He takes the cup away from me after a few sips, and I frown.
“I’ll give you more soon.”
I push myself up more on the pillows so I’m sitting completely upright. “Does Caiden know you’re in here?”
“Caiden left three days ago,” he says.
“Three days? How long have I been here?”
“Six.” He tries to smile, but the creases in his brow show his concern. “But you woke a couple times, and we made you drink some broth. Do you remember?”
I shake my head.
“It’s like that sometimes. Everyone is a little different, but we all need to recover after the temple.” He hands me the cup again.
After a few more small sips, I finally feel like my mouth is no longer made of sand. I pass him the cup back. “Have you been here the whole time?”
“No. I was in the hall while Caiden was here.” He rubs the back of his neck. “He checked on you a few times each day, but after he left, I started sleeping in here. I’ll leave tonight, though.”
I touch his arm. “Don’t go.”
“Princess—”
Someone knocks on the door, and I fall back against the pillows with a sigh.
Brevan opens the door, then closes it so I can’t hear the conversation. When he returns, he’s wearing his enforcer expression. The one that tells me the softness and human moments are gone.
“What is it?” I almost don’t want to know.
“The emperor was injured,” he says.