Chapter 14
Meilin
Despite sitting quite comfortably next to Master Wei, Meilin had a difficult time enjoying the second half of dinner.
After Shen Lusi’s shocking claim that she was in love with Enze and that he had promised to marry her, Meilin took less than a minute to decide that she half believed exactly one of those claims.
First, there was no way Enze could have promised to marry another woman when he was in love with Ailin. Second, Meilin couldn’t tell if Shen Lusi was genuinely in love with Enze or disturbingly obsessed.
“I’ve known Enze for years, so I understand he is not in a position to marry right now despite being the eldest son of the Fan family,” Shen Lusi explained with an air of affected despondency. “However, I am willing to work as hard as it takes to support us both.”
“I like your sense of determination, young lady.” Grand-mother Jiang’s approval of the scheme made Meilin want to confront Shen Lusi on the spot.
However, a glance at Ailin sitting rigidly reminded her of her sister’s preference for observing more than acting. Since Enze was primarily Ailin’s business, Meilin forced herself to refrain from intervening. But restraint was difficult.
Master Wei must have sensed the agitation she felt because he was extra attentive throughout the rest of the meal.
“This Master Fan seems beloved by so many, it almost makes me jealous,” he joked as he snagged a piece of fried shrimp for her that was beyond her reach.
His kindness and gentle humor made her want to tell him everything. In this moment of confusion and dismay, he gave her a flicker of hope.
“You have no reason to be jealous of anyone,” she said.
After dinner finally ended and the party dispersed, Meilin followed her sisters to Mama’s room. Real love was worth fighting for, so she would get to the bottom of the situation no matter what it took.
Meilin and Ming-ming pulled up stools so Mama and Ailin could sit on Mama’s big rosewood bed. In the privacy of the candlelit chamber, Meilin let her pent-up questions flow. “What in the world just happened? Did a woman really swoop out from nowhere to take Enze from us?”
Ailin closed her eyes as if her entire body was weighed down with fatigue. “Marriage is not war, Meilin. If Enze promised to marry Miss Shen, the matter is between them. We shouldn’t work ourselves up over it.”
Meilin couldn’t believe Ailin’s cold attitude. “But this matter concerns your future. He asked Mama for permission to marry you. Ming-ming and I were both there.”
She nudged her younger sister for support, and Ming-ming nodded.
“It’s true, dear.” Mama reached out to hold Ailin’s hand. “In all my years, I’ve never seen a young man as in love as Enze is with you. And I thought you were in love with him too.”
Ailin’s smile was tainted by sadness. “Regardless of what happened between us, there was never a formal agreement. Perhaps the past is better off forgotten.”
Ailin’s readiness to abandon her claim was so frustrating that Meilin rose to her feet and started pacing. “What if Shen Lusi is lying? How can we take her word for it that Enze wants to marry her when he never mentioned anything about her to us?”
“We must have misunderstood him.” Ailin nearly pulled off the matter-of-fact tone but for a slight hitch in her breath. “Besides, now that Miss Shen has told everyone about their promise to marry, how would arguing affect our reputations? Treating Miss Shen as a rival is beneath us.”
Indignant, Meilin stopped pacing. “Then would you have us stand by and watch? Enze isn’t formally betrothed to Shen Lusi, so we still have a chance to correct the situation if we act now.”
No matter what Shen Lusi said to everyone, Ailin had a right to fight for her own happiness. She hadn’t done anything wrong by forming an attachment to a young man her mother approved of, so why should she stay silent?
Ailin laughed, a sound as bitter as medicine.
“And what would a corrected situation look like? Should I tell the world I’m competing with another woman to marry the same man?
As far as honor is concerned, no good would come of that.
We have nothing to gain from arguing with others or amongst ourselves.
Master Fan is our sister-in-law’s brother and a friend to our family.
I would rather keep our friendship than engage in unnecessary conflict. Let’s not mention this again.”
No one argued after Ailin put her foot down.
The night passed, and the next day came, gray and gloomy.
While Mama filled her day with needlework and Ming-ming went off with the older cousins for tutoring, Ailin locked herself in her room to paint, asking Begonia for help instead of Meilin.
Having Ailin reject her desire to help hurt Meilin deeply.
The bronze brazier in her room wasn’t as hot as the fire in her heart.
Meilin would do anything for her sister, but Ailin asked her to do nothing, which was a thousand times harder. Ailin was letting Enze slip through her fingers instead of holding on to their love. Her sister’s fear of conflict made Meilin’s anger burn so intensely she could not stay inside.
She grabbed her zither and headed outside, filling the estate’s middle garden with all the rage her seven-stringed instrument could produce.
In the wan light of the afternoon sun, she struck note after note until the brisk winter air hummed with a rapid, energetic melody.
Her song was one of rebels and dissidents.
As music swirled around her, Meilin thought of her father, her first and only music teacher.
When he had played for himself, she would stare without moving, transfixed by the way his notes conjured images in her mind—mountains soaring through clouds, rivers roaring through canyons.
Others spoke of Scholar Duan as the perfect gentleman, restrained and composed at all times.
However, Meilin knew from the way Father played the zither that he was full of passion.
He remained true to his ideals, no matter the opposition.
She aspired to live like that—not -hiding her feelings the way Ailin did.
How can she act so indifferent while another woman steals the man she loves?
Meilin struck an angry chord with force.
There was power in words. By merely talking about her hopes, Shen Lusi had turned herself into a disadvantaged heroine the Jiang family wanted to help. Meanwhile, Ailin suffered in silence like a foolish martyr.
If Ailin was as talkative as Shen Lusi, she might have been the one getting help from Grand-mother Jiang instead.
If it was a matter of preference, surely Enze would choose Ailin over Shen Lusi.
Though Shen Lusi and Ailin were comparable in beauty and wealth, in everything else they were like a sparrow and phoenix.
For Enze’s scholarly aspirations, Ailin’s artistic and literary talent were much more compatible than Shen Lusi’s vulgar obsession with trade.
Shen Lusi’s claim itself felt questionable. Meilin had no doubt that Enze loved Ailin, and she could not fathom how a good man like him could have allowed himself to fall in love with one woman while being promised to marry another. It was simply impossible.
About halfway through Meilin’s song, a little girl with pigtails slipped into the courtyard. As the sound of other children’s voices drew closer, Sandy slipped behind a large boulder in the shape of a mountain. Treasure and Fortune soon burst into the courtyard.
“We’re playing hide-and-seek, Meilin-jiě! Have you seen Sandy?” Treasure asked.
Meilin shook her head but did not stop playing the zither. Treasure and Fortune quickly moved on to the next location in search of their elusive playmate.
Silly children, hide-and-seek wouldn’t be fun if I gave away her hiding place.
Meilin wondered how long it would take for Sandy to get bored of hiding or for Treasure and Fortune to realize their mistake.
The next interruption to her song came not from the children but from a man. Captain Bai strode into the courtyard with such vigor that it broke her train of thought, making one of her fingers catch on a zither string. She clicked her tongue in annoyance as the small cut started to bleed.
“Are you all right?” Captain Bai ran toward her. “Here. Allow me.” He wrapped a clean cloth around her finger as if it was second nature. His movements were gentle and swift.
Stunned by the speed of his reaction, Meilin couldn’t respond right away, though a warmth filled her belly. “Um. Thank you.”
Regaining her senses, she pulled her hand back. She couldn’t believe she had lost her focus because of him. She hated even more that, in her moment of weakness, she had enjoyed his care. It was a reflex that betrayed her principled dislike of him.
She could never allow herself to be attracted to a man based on something as shallow as a physiological reaction.
Sure, he was more handsome and educated than an average soldier, but he already had an illegitimate child with another woman.
Who knew what other experiences colored his history?
Furthermore, just last night, he had aggressively interrupted her conversation with Master Wei.
That showed he could be actively contrary in addition to being passively unpleasant.
What was Captain Bai even doing here in the first place?
Then she noticed the leopard embroidered on his blue silk robes and the silver belt at his waist. Official robes.
He must have come from a meeting with important people in town.
He so often wore dusty training clothes when he came to pick up Sandy that she sometimes forgot he was a high-ranking officer, not a poor conscript.
“Your rendition of the ‘Song of Guangling’ was beautiful,” Captain Bai said as he took a step away from her.
“You know it?” Meilin asked in surprise.
“Someone close to me loved to play the zither,” he said, uncharacteristically tender. The softness in his voice was how Meilin expected a man to speak of his lover. It reminded her of her reasons for not trusting him.
“What brings you here?” she asked, trying to make her voice as neutral as Ailin would when speaking to a stranger.
“My duties concluded earlier than expected today so I’m taking Sandy home. The other children said she was hiding, and I thought she might have come here because of your music.”
“Does Sandy like the zither?”
“Her mother did.” The fondness in Captain Bai’s voice was unmistakable, confirming to Meilin that Sandy’s mother could not possibly have been Captain Bai’s sister-in-law.
As if bidden by their conversation about her, little Sandy came running out from her hiding place behind the boulder.
“Uncle!” she cried as she jumped into his arms the way she always did.
The gravity in Captain Bai’s face vanished as he twirled Sandy around with ease. He asked about her day and nodded empathetically when she responded with a childish stream of words. Only after Sandy had finished speaking did he respond.
“Shall we apologize for disturbing Miss Meilin’s playing before we leave?”
“I didn’t disturb her,” Sandy replied. “Miss Meilin helped me win hide-and-seek because I was quiet. You’re the one who made her stop playing and talk with you so long.”
“It’s all right.” Meilin had no intention of comforting Captain Bai, but she didn’t want Sandy to feel any guilt on his behalf. His actions were not her fault.
“I wish I could hear you play another song.” Sandy pouted. “You play so pretty.”
Meilin glanced at Captain Bai. As little as she wanted to play for him, she didn’t want to let down a child with such a remarkable appreciation of the zither. “I would be happy to play for her if you allow it.”
“Are you sure?” Captain Bai’s dark eyes lit up with an earnestness that made Meilin uncomfortable.
It’s a trick. She couldn’t let herself be mesmerized by him. Besides being a respected military officer, he had nothing else in his favor—not in history or personality. He was the opposite of Master Wei in all the ways that mattered.
After pushing down the strong feelings that sprang up whenever Captain Bai was near, Meilin answered honestly, “My music is for anyone who wants to listen.”
“Then we would love to listen.”
Meilin spent the next hour playing her zither for two listeners that she never expected.
They listened attentively, appreciating her music in a way no one had in a long time, perhaps not since Father passed away.
In a single day, the world had turned upside down.
Ailin’s relationship with Enze, which she had taken for granted, was now a forbidden topic.
Captain Bai, whom Meilin loathed, was listening to her music like a friend.
On this strange day, there was only one thing Meilin was certain of: If it weren’t for the retreat of the winter sun drawing the day to a close, she might have played on.