Chapter 17
Ailin
When Ailin knelt to pray, she noticed Meilin was missing, but she didn’t know what to do about it. If she rose to look for Meilin, she might arouse notice and create a burden for Aunt Meng. However, if she didn’t find Meilin, there was a possibility her sister could get into trouble.
A glance out the doorway of the prayer hall showed Begonia pacing. Meilin was clearly not with their maid, which meant that Ailin had no choice but to slip out and find her sister as soon as possible.
As Ailin exited the prayer hall, Begonia pulled her aside. “Tian saw Miss Meilin leaving the temple with Master Wei. He told me, then followed after them on foot.”
Dread sank into Ailin’s gut. What was Meilin thinking? How could she leave Hanshan Temple alone with a man? Buddhist temples were notorious places for illicit meetings between lovers. Master Wei presented himself like a gentleman, but his interactions with Meilin could still affect her reputation.
“I’m glad Tian kept an eye on them,” Ailin said calmly despite her mounting internal worries. Tian was Uncle Meng’s most capable assistant and probably the most trustworthy servant in the household besides Begonia. “Did he notice why they were leaving?”
“He overheard them saying that Miss Meilin wasn’t feeling well and wished to return home early.”
Ailin considered this. Meilin often felt ill when traveling in enclosed spaces.
During the morning’s carriage ride, she appeared barely able to hold down her nausea.
“Let’s hope Master Wei can escort her home without trouble.
Do you think Tian will support us if we say that he accompanied them the whole way? ”
Begonia frowned. “As long as he doesn’t get in trouble for stretching the truth, I think he would.”
Ailin understood Begonia’s concern for Tian.
She didn’t like lying either, but this was the best they could do to protect Meilin from potentially nasty rumors about her leaving alone with Master Wei.
In her heart, she prayed more sincerely than she had all day for no harm to befall her sister.
With her aching feet and lack of travel options, she could only hope that it would be enough.
Aunt and Uncle Meng took the news of Meilin’s early departure placidly after Ailin and Begonia told them that both Tian and Master Wei had accompanied her home. Whether they trusted the story or were choosing not to add fuel to gossip was uncertain.
With less inhibitions in general, Madame Pang made some stray guesses to her husband about when Master Wei would bring betrothal gifts to Meilin’s mother. As Ailin boarded the carriage along with Miss Shen, a few of the servants chuckled about “highborn ladies and their shenanigans.”
“Did Miss Meilin truly leave with Master Wei because she was feeling ill?” Miss Shen asked on the ride home.
“I can’t help but think that, if I were in her situation, I would have endured discomfort for a little longer to avoid being alone with a man like Master Wei.
After all, they haven’t known each other very long. ”
Ailin silently bore the insult. She understood why Shen Lusi disliked Meilin, but it made her dislike Shen Lusi even more.
She hated that such a petty gossiper wanted to marry Enze.
Stronger than her dislike of Shen Lusi, however, was her concern for Meilin.
She was dismayed that her sister hadn’t considered how people would talk about her before she made the decision to leave with Master Wei.
Meilin is not ignorant, Ailin reminded herself.
More likely, Meilin knew people would gossip, but she wouldn’t think it mattered.
She undoubtedly believed her actions were right, regardless of the social consequences.
If rumors got out of hand, then she and Master Wei would be pressured to marry, which probably appealed to her anyway.
Yet there was so much she was not considering. How could she be sure Master Wei was the man she wanted to be tied to for life? Could he really take care of her? Their family hardly knew anything about him besides that he was charming, wrote plays, and was an heir to a distant relative.
Beyond that, even if Master Wei did want to marry Meilin, she wasn’t maneuvering herself into a secure position.
Meilin was so caught up in her feelings that she barely considered the family politics, dowries, and power dynamics that accompanied a marriage.
Master Wei was an adopted heir who did not even live with his rich uncle.
What was his true position in his clan, and how would Meilin be treated if she married into his family?
Following her romantic whims at the expense of all other considerations would force Meilin into a corner. Even Ailin, who tried to be careful in everything, had been betrayed by runaway feelings. She knew all too well the danger of falling in love. Without security, love led only to disappointment.
When the carriages pulled up in front of Batong Mansion, Ailin hid her turbulent feelings. She disembarked and thanked Aunt and Uncle Meng for the temple trip. As heavy clouds prematurely darkened the fickle spring sky, she walked demurely through the house to her family’s courtyard.
As soon as she passed the arched gateway that marked safety from outside eyes, however, she ran as fast as her sore feet could carry her.
She found Meilin in her room, sitting at her vanity with a bowl of half-finished ginger broth on the table.
Meilin stood up immediately when Ailin walked in.
Her cheeks were as rosy as sunrise, and her hair was still combed in the half-up style she had worn to Hanshan Temple earlier that day.
She did not look like she had been resting.
In fact, she looked excited, as if she had been waiting for hours to talk to someone.
“Is it true that you were sick today?” Ailin partially believed the story she’d heard from Begonia, but seeing Meilin in such high spirits made her unexpectedly resentful. Meilin’s smile only aggravated her feelings of being ill-used.
“I was sick, but I feel great now. Master Wei brought me home early, and Mama made me ginger broth. And Ailin, I have something to tell you—”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving Hanshan Temple?” Ailin asked in frustration.
A cloud fell over Meilin’s face. “You were praying with everyone, and, as I said, I was feeling ill. Master Wei was willing to leave with me right away, so I didn’t think to bother you.” Her tone was defensive.
“Do you know how much I worried about you when I found you gone?”
“Really? There were so many servants and guards around that it was perfectly safe. You obviously knew where to find me as soon as you got home.” Meilin’s sarcastic tone signaled no remorse.
“I only knew because Tian noticed you leaving and informed Begonia before he left to follow you.” Ailin struggled to convey the depth of her concern. “Do you realize what you’ve done?”
Meilin huffed. “What terrible thing have I done? I felt ill, so I came home. Why are you acting as if the sky is collapsing?”
Ailin couldn’t believe she had to point out the obvious. “You traveled alone with a man.”
“It was Master Wei. A man who eats dinner with us at least once a week. Everyone in the house likes him.”
Ailin took an exasperated breath. “Meilin, you know what it means when a woman and a man are alone together.”
“It means they like each other,” Meilin said flatly. “You act like this is the most heinous crime in the world when it is one of the most natural human emotions. Didn’t Enze give you a ride home when you first met? You didn’t even know him then!”
The words stung. Ailin had accepted Enze’s kindness when they were still strangers to each other. But that first interaction eventually led to heartache. She had learned the hard way that love didn’t guarantee marriage and happiness.
“Don’t bring Enze into this.”
Meilin wrapped her arms around Ailin. “I’m sorry, jiě. I shouldn’t have mentioned that.” After a moment, Meilin stepped back. “I really do have news to share with you. Look.”
Ailin glanced down at Meilin’s hand. In her palm was an unfamiliar jade pendant, carved in the shape of a crouching tiger. It was as menacing as it was beautiful. “What’s this?”
“It’s a gift from Master Wei.” A smile crept up Meilin’s cheeks like a caterpillar.
“Did he ask you to marry him?” Ailin asked, apprehension filling her gut.
Meilin shook her head. “What Master Wei gave me was better. He told me his feelings.”
“Will he be visiting with real betrothal gifts soon, then?”
“Ailin! Why are you being so calculating? Master Wei won’t have money for any formal gifts until his plays become successful or his uncle gives him his inheritance, just like I can’t marry until after the mourning period for Father ends. We’re more or less equal in that regard.”
“Hardly. Betrothal agreements can be made during mourning periods, so if he truly cares for your feelings and your reputation, he has no excuse.”
“Why are you so obsessed with empty rituals?”
“Because without an official betrothal, your relationship is meaningless.”
“Our feelings are not meaningless.”
“They are under Ming law.”
Meilin groaned, a low hiss like a lidded pot of boiling water.
“Why are you like this? Why do you only care about laws and rules and propriety?” The glint in Meilin’s eyes hardened like forged steel.
“If an official betrothal really is so important, why do you act like you’ve lost Enze to Shen Lusi already?
Are you really so cowardly that you can’t admit your feelings in public? ”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ailin said defensively.
“Exactly. It’s like your heart isn’t even human.”
Ailin clutched her allegedly inhuman heart as she took a step back.
Meilin had never said such harsh words to her, not even when they were little.
They rarely fought because Ailin had tried her best to be a patient and reasonable older sister, and Meilin had generally listened to her.
How had their relationship changed so much since leaving Nuolan Garden that they now openly argued with each other?
Ailin’s reflection in Meilin’s dressing table mirror looked like a ghost to her.
Did her sister not see the effort she put into every day to keep her heart from breaking?
Did Meilin not understand how difficult it was to smile when she felt like crying?
Even today, Ailin had endured Shen Lusi’s taunting to keep the peace because she knew how much Meilin was looking forward to visiting Hanshan Temple.
Ailin’s emotions were plentiful. Keeping her longing for Enze a secret was like holding back the flooding Yellow River. Ailin didn’t think she worked any less hard than Yǔ the Great had. Did Meilin not recognize her effort? Or did she just not care?
Ailin took another step back, dropping her hand to her side. She felt cold, and it wasn’t because of the dark sky outside threatening snow. This situation with her sister was simply too much for her to handle. “I should go.”