TWENTY-NINE #2
A yawn slipped from my mouth, and when I positioned my hands on the bed to lift myself, something heavy and warm was sprawled across my back.
I turned my head, seeing a deep in dreamland Kaden beside me. Of course, he carried me to his bed.
Carefully, to not wake him, I slipped his arm off of me and moved it to the space between us. I sat up against the headboard, bringing my knees up to hug them.
Their kiss replayed in my head like a goddamn loop. I wish I could just blink and it would be over.
I know that he didn’t kiss her, and I know that he didn’t intentionally put himself in the position to hurt me, but, he still let her touch him.
He allowed her into his space without hesitation. That simply meant that she still held some sort of power over him, no matter how little it was.
I rested my chin on my knees as goosebumps rose on my bare legs.
I noticed his hand patting the empty space beside him. Still clearly being half asleep, he lifted his head with a deepened scowl. Huh. He even sleeps with a scowl.
His eyes finally landed on me and I sighed, staring down at him.
“Come here,” he lifted the sheets.
With a fleeting pulse, I shook my head. “I’ll just go back to my own room,” I muttered, biting back tears as I climbed out of bed.
“Get back into bed, Dakota,” I heard his voice behind me but I didn’t dare turn around and continued walking. With tears swelling in my tired eyes, I grabbed the door handle. I can’t do this right now.
Right as I opened the door his large hand slammed against it, shutting it again. His large presence behind me forced my body to go completely still. In the silence I could hear his heavy exhale. “I said get back into bed.”
Balling my fists at my side, I whipped around to meet his gaze. “No.”
It must’ve nearly been morning because the sky, although grey, had gotten lighter. I could make out his deep frown, and I was certain the muscle under his right eye twitched.
“Dakota—”
“No, Kaden,” I cut him off. “I can’t keep doing this with you.
Yes, you apologised for what happened but that doesn’t change anything because all I know is how you feel about her, but I still don’t even know how you feel about me,” my nails dug into my palms. “Do you even like me?” a sarcastic scoff fell from my lips.
“Or do you simply tolerate me because of Chase and Logan?”
“Tolerate you?” he repeated as though I was being ridiculous.
“Yes, Kaden, tolerate. You’ve not once opened up to me, admitted your feelings—you haven’t even cracked a goddamn smile.”
A dark emotion burned behind his eyes, and as much as it sparked fear inside of me, I didn’t stop.
“I am not Josie. And I never will be. So, let’s get one thing clear…” I stepped closer. “I will not let you hurt me, or use me because you can’t get over her. I swear to God, Kaden, I’ll use my safe word as many times as I need to, to keep you away from me.”
His expression softened, a glossy layer covering his eyes and only then did my words hit me. Fuck, that was harsh.
With a subtle single nod, he stepped back and away from me, allowing an eerie coldness to settle between us. I wanted to reach forward, to reach for him, but I didn’t.
Suddenly, his brooding demeanour had disintegrated.
“Just talk to me…” I inched forward. “Please,” I reached for his hand and when he let me hold it, I felt one step closer to him.
His eyes met mine for a second before he pulled me back to the bed. He nodded for me to get on and I did, sitting up against the headboard. He found himself on the edge of the bed, running a hand over his face.
“What do you want to know, Dakota?”
My eyes flickered away from him for a second before I answered. “Everything.” His dark eyes found mine. “Why you’re closed off, why you never share your feelings… what really happened with Josie.”
The way his chest rose and fell told me that this wasn’t easy for him, and that he wasn’t entirely sure if he was even going to answer my questions.
A spine chilling darkness swarmed around in his eyes, as though a haunting memory had clouded his mind. His fist clenched then unclenched on his lap.
He opened his mouth but when nothing came out, I shifted closer. His strained expression tugged on my heart strings.
Facing him, I gently held his hand in mind, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t meet my eyes.
“What happened, Kaden?”
The muscle in his jaw ticked. “I never wanted you to know this side of me,” he admitted.
“But my family…“ he trailed off, shaking his head.
With a heavy exhale he continued. “They were powerful people who constantly made business deals.” Were?
“When I was nineteen, I was part of a business deal. I was arranged to marry someone from an equally powerful family.”
Oh…
“I didn’t want to,” he continued. “And when I refused—” he stopped abruptly and my pulse quickened. “Dakota… her family murdered my grandparents because they didn’t uphold their end of the deal.”
My heart shattered into a million pieces, glass shards sinking into my veins. No…
I entwined our fingers, and his hold on my hand turned firm.
“It was my punishment. And…” he trailed off.
“I didn’t want to be part of that world but after they took the only parents I had from me, I couldn’t help myself,” his throat bobbed.
“I have blood on my hands, Dakota,” he finally admitted, knocking the air out of my lungs.
“And after I took my revenge, I left, disappearing entirely. I thought they’d never find me until—“ he cut himself off, squeezing my hand and when realization gripped my spine, I straightened up.
“Josie’s car accident wasn’t an accident, was it?” I swallowed the tension lumped in my throat, and he gave his head a slow shake. Oh my—
Tears welled in my eyes and I inched closer.
“When it happened, it was the second time they took everything from me,” he kept his eyes low, and goosebumps rose on every inch of my body.
Letting go of his hand, I climbed onto his lap and gently cupped his face in my hands. He averted my gaze. “And you think that if you let me in, they’ll try and take me too.”
He didn’t answer me, but he didn’t need to. I already knew.
“Do Chase and Logan know?” I asked and he subtly nodded.
“I couldn’t keep any of this from them.”
I exhaled, tightening my hold to force him to look at me and when he did, a profound pain dimmed his eyes.
“Are you going to let them take me away from you?” I whispered, and anger flashed across his face.
“Of course not,” his hands gripped my hips.
I smiled, kissing him softly. “Then I’m not going anywhere…
” I trailed off, meeting his eyes again.
My pulse raced in my neck, the knot in my stomach tightening.
“Because I love you, Kaden,” I confessed, watching the rage, the hurt, the unmissable uncertainty disappear.
“And I always will, even if you can’t say it back. ”
His hands slipped to my lower back and he pulled me closer, relief washing over him. His arms wrapped around me and when his lips pressed to mine, it felt like an exchange of words. A tear trickled down my cheek and I let him have this. Have me.
The heat radiating off his body wrapped around me, trapping me in his orbit and I melted into him.
He broke the kiss to rest his forehead to mine, and I gently trailed my thumb over his cheekbone.
He opened his mouth, desperate to say it but I shook my head. “I’ll wait,” I assured him and he seemed hesitant. “I promise I’ll wait.”