Chapter Twenty-nine #2
Because he didn’t want her to hate him any more than she already did. Because he wanted her soft and willing and wanting him with equal fervor. Anything less and he would feel cheated. But knowing that didn’t cool off his body any quicker either.
He felt her hands at his shoulders, pushing very gently but insistently.
She wanted a distance between them. He only wanted to get closer.
He considered for a moment that in the role he was assuming, his wishes were the only ones that mattered.
The trouble was, he couldn’t play that role without alienating her further.
With anyone else it didn’t matter. With her, and only her, because she didn’t really know the true Jamil, he could be different, more himself.
But not too different. Women gossiped and compared notes, after all, and every other woman in the harem knew Jamil intimately.
He couldn’t have Shahar wondering about her deferential treatment or mentioning it to anyone.
“I am trying very hard to ignore the fact that I have you exactly where I want you, Shahar. But if you can’t find some patience and be as still as possible to make it easier for me, I am going to give up the effort.”
Her hands fell away from his shoulders, but for some reason, he resented her quick compliance this time.
That she would do anything to keep him from making love to her was blatantly apparent and shattering to his ego.
He wondered just how far she would go to delay the inevitable.
He wondered if he could withstand putting her to the test.
He leaned back to pierce her with his emerald gaze. “I will assume that you object to being made love to in the bright light of day, rather than that you find my touch offensive. Am I correct?”
His displeasure was so obvious to her that she was afraid to accept the excuse he offered, let alone deny it with the truth, which wasn’t that his touch was offensive, just that its effect on her was frightfully disturbing.
She simply didn’t understand what happened to her when he touched her, why it felt so good when he kissed her, why her skin became so sensitive it felt as if she burned, why he should affect her at all.
“You don’t answer.”
She groaned inwardly, hating this new mood of his that could attack with such calm deliberation. “Please, can’t I just leave now?”
“No, we are going to talk, you and I, to discuss things that interest me, such as how you can be so warm and wet for me one moment, then turn cold and unyielding the next.”
“I wasn’t—I didn’t.”
“Oh, but you did, and I want your secret, Shahar. Perhaps then I can control my passion as easily. I can’t, you see, at least not where you are concerned. So tell me. I truly want to know.”
Just from the way he said it, she knew instinctively that nothing would satisfy him except the truth. And it wasn’t secrets he wanted. She knew that. He wanted to know why she had stopped his lovemaking when she had.
“I was frightened.”
“Of what?” His tone softened a degree. “Haven’t you realized yet that I won’t hurt you?”
“But it did hurt.”
“What did?”
“The heat.”
He stared at her for a long, curious moment. “Is your skin really that sensitive, Shahar? Does this burn you?”
She sucked in her breath and began to squirm as his hand closed over her breast. She had been completely unaware that it had been bared to him all this time, ever since he had lifted the vest to taste of it.
“Please—”
“Did it burn?” he repeated, though he took his hand away and even tugged the little strip of thin cloth back down to cover her.
“No,” she admitted, closing her eyes against the acute embarrassment she felt about this subject. “It—it was your mouth.”
He smiled at her, though she didn’t see it.
“The mouth is known to be a rather warm part of the body, little moon. Perhaps you were only startled by its heat, since you are not yet accustomed to it. But I do assure you that you are not burned, and what you felt was natural, if a little extreme. It will not be such a shock to you next time.”
Her eyes flew open at that. “Next time?”
He thought better of smiling at her consternation. “Your taste is sweetness itself, Shahar. Do you really think I will deny myself your nectar now that I’ve discovered it?”
“I—”
“Shh. Tell me what you felt before I shocked you. You liked it when I was kissing you, didn’t you?” She started to shake her head, but he stopped her again. “Don’t lie to me, Shahar.”
That he already knew the answer rubbed her on the raw. “Then don’t ask me what I felt!”
He was surprised by her vehemence, but he shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t going to be easy to make her admit to any pleasure she experienced at his hands, not as long as she was so set against him.
“Then I will tell you,” he said softly, placing his hand on her belly. “You felt warm and weak and trembling. Your pulse raced, your senses throbbed, and heat unfurled in your vitals.”
“How did you—” She caught herself on that revealing question, but too late.
“Because I felt it, too,” he replied, his hand circling her belly in a warm caress. “It’s called desire, and it has a will of its own that cannot be denied. Do you feel it now?”
He looked down at his hand on her skin and she did, too, and panicked, because she did feel that heat unfurling inside her again. “No!”
She reached out to pull his hand away, only to have her fingers locked in his. She tried to pull her own hand away and ended up having it pinned to the bed. She began to struggle in earnest then, until she heard his deep chuckle and realized she was accomplishing nothing.
“If you think you can fight me as you did Kadar, you are welcome to try it. But I warn you, he was very limited in what he could do to restrain you. I am not.” And then his brows narrowed, seeing her fear.
“Don’t look at me like that, woman. Have I hurt you even once?
Did I punish you when you refused me before?
No, and I will not this time either. Doesn’t that prove anything to you? ”
Chantelle caught her breath. Had she heard him right?
Of course she had. So he was not the one responsible for her kitchen duty.
His mother was, and he obviously didn’t know anything about it.
And if he did know? She had a feeling he wouldn’t like it, because for some reason he was trying to impress her with his benevolence, and petty punishments would ruin that impression.
But someone else could tell him if he or she dared.
Chantelle wasn’t about to risk his anger, even if it wasn’t directed at her, especially in her present precarious position of lying half beneath him in his bed.
“You seem surprised, Shahar.” He was watching her thoughtfully. “Don’t you believe me?”
Believe him? What had he said? Oh, that he hadn’t hurt her. Yes, she supposed that was true—so far. But there was more than one face to this man, and she had seen the face that could terrify her.
“No, I—I’m not surprised—just confused—yes, confused. The one thing that has been repeatedly told to me is that I can’t refuse you the use of my—well, I can’t refuse you. Now you’re telling me that it’s all right. Who do I believe?”
“Me, of course,” he said with an engaging grin that had her staring at his mouth for an inordinate amount of time.
When her eyes returned to his, they seemed to be smiling at her, too.
“Ah, sweet girl, what am I doing to do with you? I can’t have you thinking that it is all right to refuse me.
It will upset the whole balance of my harem.
I did not say it was all right, only that you wouldn’t be punished. ”
“Then—”
“Let me finish. You will not always refuse me. You will accept me of your own accord when the time is right.” He put his hand to her cheek to stop her from shaking her head to deny it.
“You will, Shahar, I promise you. You felt desire for me this morning. You felt it the other evening. It is not something that you can ignore for long.” His fingers moved to her throat to caress the pulse there. “Even now my touch excites you.”
“That’s fear,” she murmured breathlessly.
He chuckled. “What a little liar you are. Of course, I will allow it is easy to mistake the one emotion for the other when they are so similar. But I believe you know the difference by now. Just don’t deceive yourself for too long, Shahar.
What we will have together will be beautiful, if you will just let it happen. ”
He was telling her, without saying the words, that he had only so much patience.
She supposed she should be grateful he had any at all.
She certainly hadn’t expected it of him.
But then she hadn’t expected him to be so considerate of her feelings either.
How was she to deal with such unpredictability?
She didn’t know how to answer him, so she didn’t. But he was waiting for her to make some comment after those last disturbing statements. Perhaps she could put him on the defensive for a change.
“Won’t it seem strange, your keeping me here so long? I was told you spend the night only with your wives.”
He turned away from her to sit on the side of the bed, giving her his back. She was relieved to see that although he had removed his tunic to sleep, he had worn his trousers to bed. For her sake?
She was almost sorry now that she had annoyed him with her question, and she certainly had. The muscles along his back were taut, and she could see one hand where it gripped the edge of the bed, the knuckles white. Why should that particular question bother him?
“No one questions what I do, Shahar.” He said this without glancing at her. “They would not dare. You will not question me either.”
Her eyes flared, as did her temper. What bloody, autocratic nerve! “In other words, you can ask me anything you like, no matter how improper, but I can’t ask you anything?”
“Exactly.”