Chapter 13 #2
The laugh that comes out of him is surprised and real, nothing calculated about it. "That's your reason?"
"It's a good enough reason."
He steps closer, close enough that I have to tilt my head back to maintain eye contact. "You should have failed that. Your body's fighting you. I can see it."
"I know."
"Do you?" He leans in slightly. "Do you actually know what's happening to you?"
"I'm sick. Or something. I don't know." The lie feels thin even as I say it.
He shakes his head slowly. "You're not sick." He reaches out and his hand catches my chin, tilting my face up so I can't look away. His grip is firm but careful, like he's aware of how much stronger he is than me. "Look at me."
I do. A low vibration starts in his chest, something between a purr and a warning. His nostrils flare. I can see the moment his control cracks slightly, can see his pupils dilate when he breathes in and catches my scent.
"You're in heat," he says, and his voice has gone rougher. "First one."
My stomach drops. I spent yesterday reading about this, learning what it meant, and I'd hoped maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'd misunderstood the symptoms. But hearing him say it out loud, hearing the certainty in his voice, makes it real in ways the book couldn't.
"You can smell it." Not a question. I already know the answer from what I read.
"Every unmated male within range can smell it." His thumb brushes against my jaw, just once, before he seems to catch himself. "That's why your body feels wrong. Your wolf is calling to its mates even though you haven't shifted yet."
I try to pull back but his hand won't let me. "I know what heat is. I read about it. I just didn't want to believe..."
"That it was real?" He releases my chin and steps back, putting space between us like it physically pains him to do it. "It's real. And it's making me fucking insane because you have no idea what your scent does to me."
He turns and walks away before I can find words to respond. I'm left standing there against the wall with my bleeding hands and my racing heart and the confirmation that what I read yesterday is absolutely true.
I'm in heat. Every unmated male can smell it. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I need to know more. The book I read yesterday gave me the basics but I need to understand what comes next, how long this will last, what I should expect. I need more information than the clinical overview I got from one chapter.
I push off the wall and head back to the library.
The Academy library feels different in the afternoon light than it did yesterday when I was here alone and terrified. Now I'm just exhausted and determined. I go straight back to the same section, the same shelf, but this time I pull down three different books instead of just one.
I find the same table I used yesterday and spread the books out in front of me. The first book I'd read covered the basics. These go deeper.
One book focuses on mate bonds and recognition. I flip through until I find the relevant chapter and force myself to read even though my face is burning.
Mate recognition often occurs during a female's first heat, when biological compatibility becomes undeniable to both parties.
The scent change acts as a beacon, drawing potential mates and triggering recognition responses in those with high compatibility.
Multiple mate bonds are rare but possible in certain bloodlines, particularly those with Alpha genetics or ancient pack lineage.
Multiple mates. The book I read yesterday mentioned that in passing but this one goes into detail. I think about how Knox froze in the dining hall, how Caspian can't seem to stay away from me. Professor Harmon walking out without finishing breakfast. Even Nico with that look of longing on his face.
Four males. All reacting to me at the same time.
I flip to another section, looking for information about what happens next. The symptoms are laid out in clinical detail, matching what I read yesterday but with more specifics about the timeline.
Heat symptoms intensify over the first seventy-two hours, with peak occurring on day three.
During peak heat, the biological urge to mate becomes overwhelming.
Females are advised to remain in secure locations with trusted pack members, as the scent can trigger aggressive territorial behavior in unmated males, particularly those experiencing mate recognition.
Day three. I'm barely through day two and it's already unbearable. The book says three to five days total, which means even after the peak I'll still have at least another day of this, maybe two.
I close the book because I can't read anymore. Can't process what this means for the next few days. My hands are shaking and it's not from the pain in my palms.
Movement outside the window catches my eye.
The sun is setting and the library windows look out onto the dark grounds beyond, and there's someone standing just outside the circle of lamplight.
I can't see his face clearly but I know the shape of him, how he holds himself completely still like a hunting predator.
Knox.
He's just standing there in the growing dark, watching the library window. Watching me through the glass even though there's no way he should know which window I'm sitting at.
Our eyes meet and I stop breathing. He doesn't move, doesn't smile, doesn't do anything except hold my gaze through the barrier between us. The lamplight catches his eyes and they reflect back green for just a second before he shifts his weight and the effect disappears.
I don't know what makes me do it. Maybe it's the heat making me reckless. Maybe it's the realization that I'm connected to these males whether I want to be or not. Maybe I just need to know if this is real or if I'm imagining all of it.
I stand and walk to the window. Put my palm flat against the cold glass.
Knox doesn't move for a long moment. Then slowly, intentionally, he raises his hand and places it against the glass opposite mine.
Our palms are separated by a quarter-inch of window and a gulf of things neither of us is saying, but I can feel the heat of him anyway.
Can feel the pull between us like a physical thing, tugging at something behind my ribs.
We stand like that for what feels like hours but is probably only thirty seconds. Just two people on opposite sides of glass, connected by something neither of us has put into words yet.
Then he drops his hand and turns, walking into the dark. I watch until I can't see him anymore, until he's just another shadow among the trees.
When I finally pull my hand away from the window, there's condensation from my breath fogging the glass around where our hands met.
I go back to my table and sit down. My whole body feels like it's vibrating at a frequency just slightly wrong for the world around me. The books are still open in front of me, and I look down at the page I was reading before Knox appeared.
Peak heat occurs on day three. Biological urges become overwhelming. Secure locations recommended.
I already knew the basics from yesterday's reading, but seeing it confirmed in multiple sources, understanding that Caspian can smell what's happening to me, knowing that it peaks on day three and could last up to five days total... that makes it real and terrifying.
I close the books and put my head in my hands.
My palms sting where the rope tore them open during the obstacle course, but that pain is nothing compared to the realization that I'm broadcasting something I can't control, calling to males who can't seem to stay away, and I still have at least two more days of this before it even starts to get better.
And the worst part is I know exactly what's happening now. I've read the books. I understand the biology. But understanding it doesn't give me any power to stop it or control it or make it any less terrifying.
All I can do is survive the next few days and hope that on the other side I'll still recognize myself.