Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Two days since Julian's office and I've been avoiding everyone.
Not successfully. Caspian keeps appearing between classes with those Alpha eyes that see too much.
Knox watches from shadows I pretend not to notice.
Even Nico tried to talk to me yesterday, the broken bond pulling tight with his concern, but I walked away before he could ask questions I don't want to answer.
And Julian acts like I don't exist.
Tonight I find myself walking through dark corridors after dinner when I should be heading back to my dorm. My feet carry me toward his office without conscious decision and I tell myself I'm just walking, just clearing my head, but I know that's a lie.
I see the light under his door and my heart does something complicated in my chest. He's still here, still working when everyone else has gone to their rooms. The smart thing would be to keep walking, to go back to my dorm and forget about the pull I feel toward him, but I've never been good at doing the smart thing.
I knock on the door anyway.
The silence that follows is long enough that I think he's going to pretend he's not there. But then I hear movement and his voice comes through the wood, strained and careful.
"Come in."
I push the door open and step inside. Julian is standing behind his desk with papers spread out in front of him but I can tell he wasn't actually working. He's just been sitting here in the dark with a single lamp on, probably thinking about the same things I've been thinking about for two days.
He looks up when I enter and I watch something flash across his face before he can hide it. Want and fear and frustration all mixed together.
"Nova." My name sounds rough in his mouth. "You shouldn't be here."
"I know."
"It's after hours. If anyone saw you coming to my office this late..." He trails off but I can hear the unspoken worry in his voice.
"No one saw me. Everyone's in their rooms."
He moves around the desk and crosses to the door. For a moment I think he's going to open it and tell me to leave. Instead he locks it. The click of the latch is loud in the quiet office and the air between us feels heavier.
He turns back to face me and we stand there staring at each other across the space between us. The tension is so thick I can barely breathe through it.
"Why are you here?" His voice is quiet but intense.
"Because I can't stay away from you either."
The admission hangs between us. I watch him struggle with it, watch his hands clench into fists at his sides like he's physically restraining himself from reaching for me.
"We can't do this." But even as he says it, he's moving toward me. His body is betraying his words.
"I know."
"If they find out, we both die. The Council doesn't just execute professors who sleep with students. They make examples of them." He's close enough now that I can smell cedar and something underneath that's purely him.
"I know."
"Then why aren't you leaving?" His voice has gone rough and desperate. "Why do you keep coming back here when you know how dangerous this is?"
"Because I don't care anymore." The truth comes out raw and honest. "I don't care about the rules or the Council or what's supposed to happen. I only care about this."
He reaches me then and his hands come up to cup my face with a gentleness that makes my chest ache. His thumbs brush against my cheekbones and I can see the war happening in his eyes between what he wants and what he knows is right.
"I care," he says, and his voice cracks slightly on the words. "I care that this could get you killed. That wanting you could destroy your entire life before it's even started."
"Then stop me." I lean into his touch. "Tell me to leave and mean it."
"I can't." The words sound torn from somewhere deep inside him. "I've tried. I've been trying for days. But I can't make myself tell you to go when every part of me wants you to stay."
The kiss starts gentle, almost careful, like he's still trying to convince himself he can maintain control.
His lips are soft against mine, his hands framing my face like I'm something precious.
But then I open my mouth under his and the careful control shatters.
The kiss turns desperate and hungry and I can taste the groan that rumbles in his chest.
His hands slide from my face into my hair, using the grip to angle my head exactly where he wants it. The kiss deepens. I can feel his control starting to fray at the edges. My hands find his shirt and I grab fistfuls of the fabric, pulling him closer even though we're already pressed together.
He walks me backward until the backs of my thighs hit his desk and then his hands are on my waist, lifting me onto the surface. Papers scatter to the floor but neither of us cares. He steps between my legs and the new angle lets him kiss me deeper while his hands explore every curve he can reach.
"Tell me to stop," he says against my mouth, but his hands are already sliding under my shirt.
"No."
"Nova..." My name sounds broken when he says it, desperate and raw. "If we do this, there's no going back."
"I don't want to go back." I pull him closer with my legs around his waist. "I want this. I want you."
That breaks the last thread of his restraint. His mouth crashes back onto mine and this time there's nothing gentle about it. He kisses me like he's starving and I'm the first meal he's had in weeks.
I work on his shirt with shaking fingers. When I finally get it off I run my hands over his chest and feel the muscles jump under my touch. He's broader than I expected, more built, and I can feel the strength in him when he lifts me off the desk and carries me to the wall.
My back hits the solid surface and he pins me there with his body while his mouth moves from my lips to my jaw to my throat. I can feel his teeth scraping against the sensitive skin and something low in my belly clenches with want.
"Say it again," he says against my neck. "Tell me you want this."
"I want this. I want you. Please, Julian, I need..."
"What do you need?" His hand slides up my thigh and under my skirt. "Tell me what you need."
"You. Just you. Please."
He makes a sound that's almost a growl and carries me to the couch against the far wall.
We land together and his weight presses me into the cushions.
His hands work at the buttons of my shirt while his mouth moves to my throat.
Each button that comes undone reveals more skin and he kisses his way down as he goes.
My shirt falls open and he pulls back to look at me. His eyes have gone dark with want and I can see his chest heaving with the effort of not just tearing the rest of my clothes off.
"You're so beautiful," he says roughly, and then his mouth is on my breast through the thin fabric of my bra.
I arch into him and my hands find the waistband of his pants. I work at his belt with shaking fingers until it comes free and then I'm pushing his pants down his hips. He helps me, kicking them off along with everything else until he's completely bare above me.
I take a moment to just look at him. He's built lean and strong, all hard muscle and golden skin. His cock is hard and thick between his legs and I can see it straining toward me.
He makes quick work of the rest of my clothes. My skirt disappears, then my underwear, until I'm just as bare as he is. His hand slides between my thighs and I gasp when his fingers find how wet I already am.
"Fuck," he breathes against my ear. "You're so wet for me already. So ready."
His fingers circle and press and I'm making sounds I've never made before. He touches me like he knows exactly what I need until I'm trembling and desperate beneath him.
"Please," I manage. "Julian, please, I need you."
"I know what you need." He positions himself between my legs and I can feel the thick head of his cock pressing against my entrance. "Are you sure about this? Once we do this, there's no going back."
"I'm sure. Please."
"Look at me," he says, and when I do his eyes have gone almost completely amber.
His wolf is right at the surface and I can see it looking at me with pure hunger.
"I need you to understand what's about to happen.
When I claim you, when we complete this, there's a bond that forms. You'll be mine and I'll be yours, bond complete and permanent. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"And you still want this?"
"Yes. God, yes."
He pushes into me slowly and the first inch makes my back arch off the couch. He's thick and the stretch burns as my body tries to accommodate his size. I can feel every ridge and vein as he sinks deeper.
"Breathe," he says against my ear. "Just breathe through it."
I do, forcing myself to relax, and he slides in another inch. The burn is intense but not entirely unpleasant. My body is adjusting, stretching to take him.
"That's it," he encourages. "You're taking me so well. Just a little more."
He pushes in the final inches until he's fully seated inside me and we both go still. I can feel him throbbing inside me, can feel my body clenching around his cock as it adjusts to being filled so completely.
The rhythm starts slow but builds quickly.
His hips snap against mine and I can hear the desperation in his breathing, can feel it in how his hands grip my hips hard enough to leave marks.
I'm meeting him thrust for thrust and the friction is building something inside me that feels like it's going to tear me apart.
"You feel so perfect," he groans against my throat. "So tight and wet and perfect. Like you were made for me."
The dirty words send heat spiraling through me and I dig my nails into his shoulders. He hisses at the bite of pain and drives into me harder.
"Julian, I'm close, I'm so close..."
"Not yet." His voice has gone rough and commanding. "Not until I tell you to."