Chapter 1 #2
“It doesn’t always have to be a fight, does it?
” Stone threw his hands up in the air. She knew every word he was going to say.
She knew every fact he was going to throw in her face.
But she didn’t care. Stone was her person.
Her heart knew that. And she was just stubborn enough to fight for the two of them, even when he couldn’t.
“We can’t. I can’t juggle it, Mae. I can’t balance school, work, and be a good boyfriend to you. A husband. A good father one day.”
She pushed the air from her lungs in a heavy sigh. “Then leave your job. The guys understand that you want to chase your passion. They will support you.”
“And live off of what?”
“Are you forgetting that we work at the same place? I can support us until you get through med school.” Mae protested.
“I won’t do that to you. That’s your money.” Stone shook his head.
She scoffed. “Oh, right. The money I make is my money, but the money you’ve made was… what? Our money?”
“Yes. I’m not taking your money. I’m not pressuring you to work more so I can go after what I think will fix this never ending ache in my stomach.”
He needed help. All those nights he jumped up in his sleep, trapped somewhere he never wanted to talk about with her.
She knew he was struggling, and she should have called him on it earlier.
She should have talked to the guys at work, maybe asked her close friend Sloane Dononvan for a recommendation to one of her therapist colleagues, or had him talk to Dr. Jake Rahni, someone their boss Sebastian trusted implicitly, about medical intervention.
Something. Anything. Because now, he was pushing her away for good.
And once he did that, he’d be completely isolated from anyone who knew what was happening.
“The other night—” The ghost of his touch, his fingers wrapped around her arm so tight she’d yelped in pain, tore across her skin.
He hadn’t meant to hurt her. She knew that.
She knew the Stone standing in front of her would never, ever hurt her while he was awake.
But lost to those dreams, lost to the memories, he was a different person.
“No! No. Mae. Don’t. I told you that was the last straw. I won’t let this thing that’s festering inside me hurt you too. I won’t. I know what I have to do. I have to protect you. I have to focus on the debt that I owe.”
“Owe to who? When will it be enough, Sully? How many lives will you have to save before the ones you lost are paid off in your mind?” She stood, walking over to where his back was pressed against this counter.
Her hands framed his face as she stared into his honey hazel eyes.
“When will you finally be free, my love? Because you’re going to lose more.
The second you step back into that career, there will be patients that you can’t save.
Are those more souls who get to dictate how you live the rest of your life?
Are they added to the total so that you’re never free from this made up debt? ”
“This is why, Mae. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. It’s my burden to bear,” he groaned.
Her hands dropped from his face as if she’d been burned. Forcing herself to take two steps back, she clenched her hands into fists, the feeling of her nails digging into the meaty flesh of her palms helping to ground her in her conviction.
“IT’S NO ONE’S BURDEN!” she screamed. “Those sailors, those soldiers, the ones you couldn’t save in locations and missions you can’t even tell me about, they aren’t here in this room with us!
They’ve gone home, Stone. They’re resting now.
And I can guarantee they would not want you wasting your life trying to pay back a debt they don’t even hold against you! ”
“I will never allow myself to hurt you again. The fear in your eyes. The way you were looking at me when I woke up with my hands…” His head dropped.
“I will never forget that. I will never get past it. I’m going to get help.
I’m going to talk to someone. But I will never put you in that position again.
I can’t. You’re too precious to me. I love you too much to ever, ever be the reason why you are hurt. ”
“That’s so fucking ironic, because if you could see the way you’re killing me right now, tearing my heart from my chest and stomping on it, you would realize that this is how you’re really hurting me.
” She slid onto her knees, snot and tears running down her face.
"The last few months, before all this guilt started eating you alive, were the best months of my life!
We were moving towards something so beautiful.
Things were so good between us! I wish you could just forget about whatever triggered this change, and we could go back to that time together. "
“I can’t…” His breath caught and Mae searched his face for any sign he might change his mind.
“This isn’t who I am, Stone. I don’t beg.
I know my worth, and it’s a whole hell of a lot.
But I’m begging you, please. Please don’t act like letting me go is in my best interest. I know what I want, and it’s being by your side as you work through this.
As you get better, and heal your mind, and go on to accomplish incredible things. ”
“Get up, Mae,” he whispered, and she watched him fall onto his knees with tears tracking down his own cheeks. “Get up.”
“No. Because if I get up, and you haven’t changed your mind, I’m never coming back. I want you to really think about that, Stone. I’m never coming back. There will never be another chance.”
He nodded. “Get up.” He held his hand out but Mae slapped it away.
“I hate you! I hate that you’ve done this to us.
This is not on me. I’ve done everything I can to keep us together!
Everything I can to make you see that this is such a stupid reason for us to fall apart.
I mean it, with every fiber of my being.
I will never forgive you for breaking my heart like this.
I’m a strong woman and I let you break me! I’m so fucking pathetic!”
The shaking that started in her legs now coursed through her entire body. An involuntary response to the rage, devastation, and heartbreaking love she had for the man stomping all over everything they’d shared. Mae wiped her face on the sleeve of her shirt.
“I hope it’s worth it. I hope you’re happy going back to school, and with your new career.
I hope it clears your soul of everything that haunts you.
I pray…” She swallowed down the sob building in her throat.
“I pray you’re so happy that you n-never think of me again.
And I really h-hope it’s worth it when you see me getting married to a man that you k-know in your heart should have been you.
When you hear that I’ve had a baby that s-should have been yours.
I hope you don’t live to regret this, Stone.
But I know, in here…” She pointed to her stomach. “I know in m-my gut that you will.”
“Mae, I—”
“No! I have nothing left to say to you. Nothing! I’ll be professional at w-work, until you leave for dreams that are bigger and better than me.
Don’t expect me to ever talk to you again after that.
” It took all of her strength to push up off the floor.
Her legs wobbled beneath her, but she didn’t care.
She was walking out of that apartment for the last time right then and there.
All the things she’d slowly moved in over time could stay.
He could burn it all. The only thing that mattered was getting away.
Running from the pressure that was pushing against her.
Crushing her. Making the burning in her chest a thousand times worse than it had ever been before.
Her walk back to the apartment she shared with Hawk was a blur.
Maybe it was the tears. Maybe it was the blinding pain she felt radiating from her chest. All she knew was that in the end, it didn’t matter.
She’d given her heart to someone she thought would protect it forever.
That’s what she’d seen all the men around her do for the women they loved.
But in the end, that hadn’t been what Stone wanted to do for her.
And that fucking hurt.
Mae stumbled over her own feet as she walked into the apartment. It was almost dawn, and she should wait until her brother woke up to tell him everything. But she couldn’t. She just needed someone to listen. And she needed a hug.
“Hawk?” Her hiccuping sobs were getting worse as she knocked on her brother’s bedroom door. They might bicker and tease each other mercilessly, but she could always count on him. The door swung open, her brother looking sleep rumpled and annoyed, until his eyes widened as he looked her over.
“Christ, Mae! What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“N-no. He broke up with me. I f-feel like I’m b-breaking apart-t. I just w-want to s-stop crying.”
“Who? What are you talking about? I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone.
” Hawk leaned against the wall, his hand coming up to run through his messy hair.
God! Why couldn’t he see that she needed a fucking hug?
Idiot. Mae wrapped her arms around herself, trying to gather the strength to finally admit the secret she’d been hiding for far too long.
“Stone.” The silence was deafening. Her eyes drifted over Hawk’s shoulder, scared to see the reaction on his face. But she didn’t miss the way his body went stiff and how she was the only one currently breathing in the hall.
“Sorry. It sounded like you said Stone. As in my teammate and best friend. But that can’t be right. My little sister and my best friend wouldn’t hide that from me…”
“I-I did. We’ve been s-seeing each other since we all… since we all moved down here.”
Her brother pushed off the wall, storming past her. “What the fuck! Where is he? Is he still in his apartment? I’m going to kill him, Mae. I’m going to fucking rip his guts out.”