49. Tom Cobalt #2
“I am carving my own path,” Audrey amends with a stronger inhale, her shoulders pulling back.
“And I know what you might be asking yourselves. Where, Audrey, will you live next year? That brings me to my current predicament. My hope is to move in with all of you in New York. If that’s something you would all accept…
” Her eyes shift warily to our mom. “Mother and Father have explained to me that you cannot be forced to live with me. Which is both fair and truly unfair, seeing as how I was forced to be here alone.”
My head pounds, and I miss our dad’s reply about school, society, something or other. I haven’t prepared for Audrey to move out. Let alone move in with us. I know she’s been counting down to join us in New York—but that countdown wasn’t supposed to be cut short.
“I don’t understand,” Ben says while Audrey remains standing.
His hands are frozen in the air like he might bury his face in them.
“What about your best friend? You’d never leave Kinney at Dalton.
” He names Kinney Hale. Luna’s youngest sister is in the same grade as mine.
“She’s going to finish out the last semester of her senior year alone? While you’re in New York with us?”
“Disloyal, Audrey Virginia,” I chime in, shaking my head.
Her cheeks redden. “No, see, Kinney and I have spoken, and she encouraged the move. She wants me to be with all of you because she knows—she knows how precious time is with a brother. When she almost lost Xander…” Audrey trails off as the air becomes thinner between us all.
I think we’re all looking at Ben. He’s only staring up at Audrey. His throat seems constricted, but he manages to say clearly, “I’m not going to take my own life. Xander didn’t take his.”
“He’s tried,” Audrey whispers, “and this isn’t only about you. It’s about me too. I can’t bear to be in this house anymore. It is the most horrid experience to live here without a single sibling.”
“Jane is here,” Ben says. “She lives in Philadelphia.”
Audrey’s eyes well, realizing Ben is not on her side. “It’s not the same. She doesn’t live in this neighborhood. She doesn’t live in this house.”
Jane nods. “I understand, Audrey. I, too, would wish to be in New York if I were you.”
“Thank you, Jane,” Audrey says in a soft, breathy whisper.
Her resolve has fractured from Ben’s response, and I’m happy to take a backseat and let my baby brother convince her to stay put in Philly.
No way is Audrey moving to Hell’s Kitchen a good idea right now.
I’m stretched thin just being there for Ben.
I know I am amazing at time management. Literally the best, but I’m taking Adderall right now. And I’m hoping to actually stop at some point.
“It’s our decision?” I ask our parents.
“Of course,” Mom says in a tight breath. “It’s your lives. Your apartment. We don’t force you to live with each other. That’s your choice.” She shifts her piercing gaze to Dad, and I can tell she’s stressed.
I can’t imagine she’s ready to be an empty nester five months ahead of schedule.
Mom was devastated when Eliot and I left home.
The night we were packing, I overheard her crying in her bedroom.
It solidified what I knew—Eliot and I are her favorites.
But Audrey is her youngest daughter. She’ll at least shed one tear for her.
This is a good point. I’m ten seconds from guilting Audrey to stay in Philadelphia when Ben says, “I don’t think you should move to New York.”
The way this convo was going, it’s not a big shock. But Audrey’s chin still quivers. “Why?”
“You know why,” Ben croaks, emotion unspooling through his eyes, his face, his bottomless empathetic soul. “The frat. The fentanyl. Last time you were in New York, it didn’t end well. If something else were to happen to you—”
Eliot interrupts, “That’s why she lives with us. We won’t let anything happen.”
Ben—with his reddened, emotion-stricken eyes—sends me the look. The one pleading for help.
“Dude, there’s not even enough room,” I say to Eliot.
Audrey perks up. “I can sleep on the pull-out couch.”
“No,” Beckett says gently.
“She can have my room,” Eliot decrees, trying to find a solution to appease everyone, but this isn’t going to fucking work. This is such a bad idea, and to be completely honest—we’re full of those, he and I.
We know how to breathe under the mess we create, but Ben will suffocate. I do not want to smother our little brother.
I cut in, “Eliot Alice—”
“We’ll paint the walls blue—”
“No, Eliot.” I abruptly stand up from my chair. It crashes backward with the sudden force.
Surprise coats his eyes. “Tom. We’re on the same side.”
It hurts. “I don’t think we are, Eliot.” I face my sister who blinks back tears. “I’m sorry, Audrey, but I don’t want you to move in with us.”
“Cobalts are the strongest united as one,” Audrey says tearfully, trying to sway me, and she’s doing a decent job. Especially when she says, “Ensemble.” Together.
“Ensemble,” Eliot chimes in.
All I see is Ben struggling to breathe at the end of the table. Does no one else see him? Am I imagining this? No, I’m not. Beckett has left his chair. He’s crouching down to Ben and speaking hushed to him, and our dad leans over and whispers to Ben, too.
“I know, I know, I know,” Ben mutters into his palms. “I’m okay.” He’s not okay. “It’s not fair to her.” I hear his guilt over being a roadblock to Audrey’s big New York move. He doesn’t want to be the reason she doesn’t come, but he also doesn’t want her to move in with us either.
I have no guilt. “Audrey, don’t come to New York. Don’t graduate early,” I plead. “Think of all the time you’ll miss out with Kinney. Okay, be with your best friend. You don’t get that time back either.”
“I…” Audrey’s chin quakes seeing our little brother verge into a panic attack. Soon he’s springing out of his chair. Beckett leads him out of the dining room with our dad following behind.
The door shuts, but the tension hasn’t left with them.
“Gremlin,” Mom says to Audrey. “Do you need to step out for a moment?”
“No,” Audrey hoists her chin again, collecting her emotion. “I’m applying to Manhattan Valley University,” she tells the rest of us here. “If I get accepted, I start school next January. So if I’m not living with all of you, I’ll be living at the dorms.”
“Wonderful. Go with that,” Charlie snaps.
“I will,” Audrey threatens.
“She won’t,” Eliot says. “You’re living with us.”
“Eliot,” I groan, my hands threaded on my head.
He stands up now too. “Ben will be fine. If we opened our doors to him, it’s only fair we do the same for our sister—”
“It’s not the same. Nothing about this is the fucking same!” I shout in distress.
Jane is on her feet now. Which means the only two still sitting are Charlie and our mom. Jane taps a goblet with her knife, as though this is a normal Wednesday Night Dinner and it’s her turn for an opening remark.
This is not normal.
Not even close.
“Brothers. The ones who remain.” She swings her butter knife loosely to Charlie, me, and Eliot. “This decision is a monumental one, and I would like to remind you that we all flew from the nest at one time. Let our little sister fly free.” She extends her feathered arms.
“Jane Eleanor,” I gape. “A bird metaphor?” I release an angered groan. “We are lions. Okay, Audrey shouldn’t be flying. She should be with Mom. Mom, don’t you want Audrey here a little longer?”
Mom taps her sharp nails to the table. “Don’t bring me into your defense.”
“But it’s a good one.”
Her lips smooth together, and she gives me a subtle nod. I point to Audrey. “Did you see that? Mom nodded. Mom wants you here.”
“I know she does,” Audrey says. “We’ve spoken at great length, but I am ready to leave. It’s time for me to be in New York, and even though…I-I might not be wanted—”
“You are wanted,” Eliot interjects deeply. “I want you there. Tom wants you there.” He stares into me like, Do not crush our sister.
“Of course I want you there,” I tell Audrey, immediately hurting for Ben with each word. “But not right now.”
“Tom,” Eliot sighs hard.
Mom abruptly leaves the table, her phone in hand. “No bloodshed,” she warns us, quickly exiting with the clip-clap of her high heels.
“Tom.” Eliot tries to capture my gaze, but it’s becoming harder and harder staring him in the eye.
I feel like a cowardly lion, but I love him.
I love Eliot with my entire soul. As memories fade with age, loving him is the last thing I’ll remember from my childhood.
We’ve never disagreed about anything this serious.
Never.
Not once in our lives.
“I’m just trying to protect Ben, dude. He’s not ready for her to live with us.”
Audrey pipes in, “He’s stronger than we all give him credit for, don’t you think?”
“I think we want him to be,” I say softly. “I’m terrified that we’ll push him too hard, too far, too fast.”
“So then I don’t live with you all in New York,” Audrey reasons. “I don’t want to hurt Ben. But I can’t put my life on pause out of fear that I might.”
I have no good rebuttal to this. None at all.
Charlie—the only one still seated—has an unlit cigarette between his lips. He leans toward a brass candelabra, letting the flame burn the tip. I expect him to enter the conversation, but he says nothing, drawing in a long drag.
“You realize that’s what’s happening here?” Audrey speaks passionately to me, Eliot, and Charlie. “I’m to be trapped in a castle because Ben is afraid I’ll be harmed if I go out into the world. You mean to trap me here. Forever.”
“I won’t leave you here,” Eliot promises.
I’m being ripped in half. “Not forever,” I mumble.
“Set her free,” Jane says with a knife tap to the goblet.
“Delusion,” Charlie tells our older sister, blowing smoke up at the chandelier. “You’re encouraging utter fucking delusion, Jane.”
“I am encouraging our sister’s independence,” Jane rebuts. “You and Beckett had yours at sixteen when you moved to New York. She turns eighteen in January. It’s hardly a giant leap.”