CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Daddy barely said anything the entire ride. I kept looking back at him from the passenger seat. He sat behind Jokah, staring out the window with his hands folded in his lap.
"Daddy, you okay?"
"Yeah, baby."
"You quiet."
"Just thinking."
"About what?"
"Everything."
I turned around in my seat. "You nervous?"
"A little."
"That's normal."
"I know."
"You don't have to do this if you're not ready."
Jokah glanced at me before looking in the rearview mirror. Daddy did too. Their eyes met for a second before Daddy quickly looked away.
"I'm ready."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I need this."
I smiled. "Okay."
He looked back out of the window. I faced forward again and reached over to grab Jokah's hand. He squeezed mine in return.
The closer we got to the rehab facility, the more emotional I became. Daddy had talked about getting clean before, but this was the first time I'd actually seen him take a real step toward doing it. I wanted to believe this time would be different. I needed it to be.
When we arrived, Jokah parked and the three of us went inside.
The intake process took longer than I expected.
There were forms, questions, paperwork and a bunch of other shit that made everything suddenly feel real.
Daddy was actually staying. When everything was finally done, we stood near the entrance while one of the staff members waited to take him back. I looked at him.
"You got this."
He nodded. "I'm gone try."
"Don't try. Do it."
"Okay, boss lady," he smiled.
"I'm serious."
"I know."
My eyes filled with tears and my daddy opened his arms. "Come here."
I hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
"I'm proud of you," I whispered.
"Ain't did nothing yet."
"You came. That's a start."
He kissed the side of my head.
"I love you, baby."
"I love you too."
I pulled away and wiped my face.
"And don't be in here giving these people no trouble."
He laughed. "I'm not."
"Mhm."
"I'm serious."
"Okay, Kevin."
His eyes narrowed.
"Don't call me Kevin."
I laughed through my tears. "Bye, Daddy."
He smiled before looking at Jokah. His smile suddenly disappeared. Jokah stood beside me with his hands in his pockets.
Daddy cleared his throat. "Thank you."
Jokah nodded. "Handle your business."
"I am."
"And don't have her crying over you again."
Daddy looked at me before looking back at him.
"I won't."
There was something weird about the way they looked at each other. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Then Daddy reached for Jokah's hand and he shook it.
"Take care of my baby."
Jokah looked at me.
"Always."
My heart melted. Daddy gave me one last hug before following the staff member through the doors. I stood there watching until he disappeared.
Jokah put his arm around me.
"You good?"
I nodded.
"You sure?"
"No."
He pulled me against him. I buried my face in his chest. "I just hope he stays."
"That's on him now."
"I know."
"You did what you could."
"So did you."
He kissed the top of my head.
"Come on."
We walked back outside. By the time we got into the truck, I had myself together again. Jokah pulled out of the parking lot.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Everything."
"You ain't gotta thank me."
"Yes, I do. Rehab isn't cheap."
"I got it."
"I know you got it. That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
I looked at him.
"You didn't have to do any of this."
"He your daddy."
"Exactly."
Jokah glanced at me. "That's all I needed to know."
"Most people would've looked at Daddy and just saw a crackhead."
Jokah kept his eyes on the road.
"I’m not most people."
"That I know."
I looked over at him.
"Thank you."
"Stop thanking me."
"I can't help it."
"Try harder."
I smiled and looked out the window.
"I just want him to get better."
"He will if he wants it bad enough."
"I hope he does."
"He got something worth getting better for."
I looked over at Jokah. He kept his eyes on the road.
"You and your sisters."
"I hope we're enough."
"You are."
The way he said it made me look at him again.
Jokah was quiet for a few seconds before reaching across the console and taking my hand.
"You know you fucked me up, right?"
I frowned. "What?"
He smiled slightly, but there was nothing playful about it. "I wasn't looking for none of this when I met you."
"None of what?"
"You."
My smile faded. Jokah rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand.
"I've dealt with women my whole life and never gave a fuck whether they stayed or left. Never had to. I ain't never been the nigga wondering what somebody doing, wanting them around me all the time, thinking about them when they ain't there."
He glanced at me.
"Then your ass walked away from me that first night."
I smiled.
"And I couldn't stop thinking about you."
"Because I didn't know who you were," I replied.
"Nah. It started because you didn't give a fuck who I was."
I laughed softly.
"But somewhere between then and now, that shit changed. It stopped being about wanting you. I started caring about how your day went. Whether you ate. If you made it home safe. What made you happy. What made you cry."
My eyes started burning again.
"I don't like seeing you hurt. I don't like shit bothering you that I can't fix. And when you ain't around, I feel that shit."
He squeezed my hand.
"I don't know when the fuck it happened."
"Jokah..."
"Nah. Let me finish."
I closed my mouth.
"I know this shit happened fast. Probably faster than either one of us planned. But I don't need years to tell me how I feel about you."
He looked over at me, and this time his eyes stayed on mine for a second before returning to the road.
"In this little-ass window of time I've known you, I fell in love with you, Kaior."
My breath caught. Jokah brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it.
"I love you."
I stared at him, completely speechless. Of all the things I expected him to say today, that wasn't one of them.
"You mean that?"
He looked at me.
"I wouldn't have said that shit if I didn't."
A tear rolled down my cheek, but this time I was smiling. "Say it again."
His smile drove me crazy every time.
"Don't start."
"Jokah."
"I love you, Kaior."
I squeezed his hand.
"I love you too."
He brought my hand back to his lips. And for the rest of the ride, he never let it go.