CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
My phone rang while I was driving back to the penthouse. Hulk’s name flashed across the screen.
"Yeah."
"You headed back?"
"Why?"
"You need to come home."
My grip tightened around the steering wheel.
"What happened?"
"Just come back, Jokah."
"Hulk."
"She’s safe."
That was all I needed to hear.
"Kaior?"
"She’s safe. Come home."
When the call ended, I stared at my phone for half a second before pressing harder on the gas. Hulk was waiting downstairs when I pulled up. I got out and walked straight toward him.
"Where she at?"
"She went to her mama's."
I stopped.
"What?"
"She left."
"What the fuck you mean she left?"
"She came downstairs with a suitcase and told me she was going to her mama's."
"And you let her?"
"I followed her."
I stared at him.
"She asked me not to call you until she got there."
"You work for me, nigga."
"I know exactly who I work for."
"Then why the fuck—"
"Because she asked me for ten minutes."
I stepped closer.
"You should've called me."
"And you would've done what?"
"Turned the fuck around."
"Exactly."
Hulk sighed. "She’s hurt bruh. Do you know how hard it was having her standing in front of me crying and begging me to let her leave.”
That hit me dead in the chest.
“She’s not running from you. She’s not trying to disappear. She told me where she was going and let me follow her all the way there."
That didn't make the shit sitting in my chest feel any better.
"And she’s there?"
"Yeah. I watched her walk in."
I pulled my keys back out, but Hulk didn't move.
"She left something for you."
My hand stopped.
"What?"
"On the kitchen island."
I looked toward the elevator.
"She told me to make sure you saw it."
Fuck! I put my keys back in my pocket and headed upstairs. The second I stepped off the elevator, the silence hit me. I walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. Her suitcase was gone. Some of her clothes were missing from the closet, but most of her shit was still there.
Then I remembered what Hulk said, so I went back to the kitchen.
A folded piece of paper sat on the island.
I picked it up and started reading. By the time I reached the sentence that said she was scared loving me might cost her her life, I had to stop and read that shit again. My ass dropped onto the barstool.
"Fuck."
I rubbed my hand over my face before forcing myself to finish. My first instinct was to go get her.
I knew exactly where she was. Hulk had just told me. I grabbed my keys but then I stopped, hearing those words out loud, please give me that. I looked back at the letter.
Every part of me wanted to ignore that shit, drive straight to Samantha's house, get my woman, and bring her home. But that wasn't what Kaior asked me for. She asked me for time.
After everything that had already been taken from her, I wasn't about to take her choice too.
I put my keys back down and sat there in our kitchen by myself.
I picked the letter back up. I'm just scared loving you might cost me mine.
There wasn't a nigga I couldn't find. A problem I couldn't handle.
A threat I couldn't remove. But how the fuck was I supposed to fight this?
I folded the letter and put it in my pocket.
My phone buzzed. Poncho was calling, so I ignored it. It rang again, but I ignored that shit too. I walked over to the windows and stared out at the city. I told Kaior I loved her. I told her I would protect her and that nobody would ever put their hands on her again.
But none of that changed the fact that she didn't feel safe in my world. That shit hurt worse than anything anybody had ever done to me because I couldn't even be mad at her. I understood it. I just didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do with it.
I pulled out my phone and opened her name. Then typed: Come home. I stared at the words, then deleted them. Then I typed: I'm coming to get you. My thumb hovered over send. But her words came back to me. Please give me that.
"Fuck."
I deleted the message and called Grandaddy. He answered after a few rings. "What's up, son?"
"Kaior left me."
The words sounded fucked up coming out of my mouth.
"What happened?"
"She left me a letter."
"Y'all argue?"
"Nah."
"What does the letter say?"
I pulled it from my pocket.
"She loves me. She ain't blaming me for what happened. But she said she needs her mama and her sisters. She needs something that feels like her old life again."
I paused before saying the part that had been fucking with me since I read it.
"She said she is scared loving me might cost her her life."
Grandaddy was quiet.
"I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that."
"Nothing."
I frowned.
"What you mean nothing?"
"I mean you don't do anything with it tonight."
"I'm supposed to just let her leave?"
"She already left Joaquin."
That shut me up.
"That girl been through something most people couldn't imagine. Right now, this ain't about whether she loves you."
"I know she loves me."
"Then stop thinking like she left because she don't."
I looked out over the city.
"I can protect her."
"I know you can."
"Then why the fuck she feels like she gotta leave me to be safe?"
"Because protection ain't the same thing as peace. You can put ten men around that girl. Even twenty. Cameras everywhere she go. Guns at every door. That might make you feel better because you know nobody can get close to her."
He paused.
"But what does it feel like to her?"
I already knew the answer.
"Like somebody always watching her."
"There you go."
"I'm trying to keep her safe."
"I know. So does she. That doesn’t mean it's what she needs right now."
"What am I supposed to do, Grandaddy?"
"Give her what she asked you for."
"Time?"
"Time."
I shook my head.
"I don't like that shit."
"Didn't ask if you liked it."
I rubbed my hand over my face.
"I wanna go get her."
"I know."
"I can be at her mama’s house in twenty minutes."
"And then what?"
"Bring her home."
"Does she want to come home?"
I didn't answer.
"If that girl wanted to be at that penthouse tonight, she'd be there."
That shit hurt.
"I ain't saying that to hurt you, son."
"I know."
"You're used to fixing things. Somebody crosses you, you handle it. Something goes wrong… you make a call. Kaior needs something, you get it. But you can't fix this for her."
"Then who the fuck can?"
"She can."
I closed my eyes.
"Her family can support her. You can support her. But she has to work through what happened at her own pace."
I didn't say anything.
"And Joaquin?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't make her healing about losing you."
That one hit.
"She shouldn't have to worry about making you feel better while she's trying to figure out how to feel safe again."
"I don't want her worrying about me."
"Then don't give her a reason to. She asked you for time?"
"Yeah."
"Give it to her."
"What if she decides she doesn’t want to come back?"
Saying it out loud made my chest hurt.
"Then you'll deal with that if it happens. But don't make the decision for her because you're scared of what she might decide for herself."
I leaned against the window.
"I love that girl, Grandaddy."
"I know."
"I can't lose her."
"Then love her the way she needs you to right now.”
“And right now, that means leaving her alone?"
"Right now, that means respecting what she asked you for."
I looked down at her letter.
"Shit."
"Ain't nobody ever told you love was easy."
I stood there quietly for a moment.
"Thanks, Grandaddy."
"Anytime, son."
"A'ight."
"And Joaquin?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't go over there."
"I ain't."
"A'ight. Love you."
"Love you too."
I hung up and opened Kaior's messages again.
This time, I didn't tell her to come home or that I was coming to get her. I typed the only thing I knew she needed from me.
I read your letter.
I love you. Take whatever time you need.
I stared at the message before sending it. Every part of me wanted to say something else, but this wasn't about what I wanted, so I hit send. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed.
Thank you. I love you too.
That was it. I locked my phone and looked around the penthouse.
I couldn't threaten this away. I couldn't buy her peace or put enough men around her to make what happened disappear.
And I damn sure couldn't force her to heal on my time just because being without her hurt.
So, I did the hardest thing she ever asked me to do. I left her alone.