Chapter 10 #4
Promise finally understood why Monroe had looked so torn inside that living room.
The hurt she'd carried hadn't disappeared, it had simply changed shape because everything she'd convinced herself was true, wasn't. Monroe hadn't played in her face, he'd been blindsided just like her, and the reality of that hit hard.
Suddenly, clarity took a front seat in her mind, and everything made sense now.
It took a moment to get out of her feelings to process what Monroe had told her.
Promise's heart ached for him, not because she'd forgotten her own pain, but because she finally understood his.
She felt bad for not giving him the benefit of doubt, and jumping to conclusions.
But, she hadn't been wrong about the shift she'd felt in their relationship.
She understood where Monroe was coming from, and truthfully, she'd be losing her shit if she found out that her mother had been the culprit in causing her to experience heartbreak to the capacity that Macie had.
Sitting in the weight of the moment was overwhelming, and almost impossible to think through, especially when one was as in tuned with not only themselves, but their man as well.
Promise felt Monroe's inner turmoil, she felt the pressure he was under, and his heart...
his heart was unsettled. Promise stood and closed the distance between them.
She needed to be close to him.
He needed to be close to her.
Promise reached forward and smoothed her hand down the back of his head, before letting it settle against his neck.
Her touch unraveled him as he leaned forward and rested his forehead on her abdomen.
He couldn’t deny it, Promise had that special touch that made him melt.
Her hands gently caressing his back was a silent beacon for him to stand.
Obliging her unspoken request, Monroe rose from the chair and immediately wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest with a desperation he'd been fighting ever since she'd walked out of his house.
He buried his face in the curve of her neck and released a slow, uneven breath, while Promise closed her eyes as his heartbeat settled in her ear.
And, for that moment, time stood still for them, and nothing else mattered in the space they'd escaped to. It was just them and it felt divine.
Monroe released a deep sigh.
As Promise slightly leaned her head back to gaze into his eyes, then forward as she brushed her lips against his without thinking.
The kiss they shared was slow and tender.
It wasn't fueled by passion, it was fueled by love.
A love they both knew existed between them, but neither of them spoke the sentiments.
They shared a love that didn't disappear simply because life got complicated.
Monroe rested his forehead against hers. "Without you there's no me. You the only woman in this world I want, Doll," Monroe confessed, his voice raw with rough emotion.
Promise felt his words and truly believed him. "I feel the same,” she said softly. “ But I think,” she paused to steady herself. “I think you need more time to get clear on your stance," Promise replied, stepping out of his embrace.
He started shaking his head before she'd even finished. The frustration written on Monroe's face spoke for itself.
"Fuck you mean, Promise?" Monroe couldn't hide his offense, he was about to lose his shit. He was terrified.
Promise cleared her throat.
"I listened to everything you said, and I think you need time to step into your role as a father.
You missed a lot of time from your daughter's life, and your mother...
If all you've said about her is true, and she's really been moving in all that treachery, then you have an even bigger problem that will need your attention because who knows what else she's capable of.
Then you have to deal with your feelings for Sienna. "
"What feelings, Promise? You don't see a nigga standing in front of you right now? If I wanted to be wit' her, trust me it wouldn't be hard."
Promise remained calm.
"That’s the thing, Monroe. You owe it to yourself to explore that opportunity, and see if that aligns best with what you want," Promise stated, reaching forward to hold his hand.
"When she was snatched from your life, it wasn't because you two were done with each other, and it wasn't because the two of you fell out of love with each other.
You need to figure that out, baby." Promise unselfishly stated.
"You have to think about more than yourself now, you have to think of your daughter and what's best for her as well. "
“So just like that, you done wit’ a nigga as soon as shit get thick?” Monroe snatched his hand out of hers, and stepped back.
Promise felt her heart crack as she stepped forward.
"Don't do that," her voice barely rose above a whisper. “Don’t misinterpret my decision. It’s not that I’m leaving, and don’t want anything else to do with you,” Promise clarified.
“I’m considering you. I’m considering your daughter.
And yes… I’m considering myself too. But, I’m not going anywhere. ”
“Do I look like I’m confused about who I want, or where I wanna to be?” Monroe shot back. “The fuck I look like tryna dredge up an old flame when all I need is right in front of me?”
“Monroe, you say that now, but you haven’t thought this all the way through. Look at the way you’ve moved since finding out about all of this. I should have been the first person to know about this, not ‘cause I’m your woman, but because I’m your oasis,” Promise challenged.
“You right,” Monroe conceded, calming himself down.
“It’s not about being right, that’s subjective. For me it’s about being sure. I’ve already chosen you,” she reminded him. “If you choose me once the fog clears, you know exactly where I’ll be. But, for now… we need to take a break.”
It was the most selfless thing Promise had ever done, but it was also the hardest decision she’d ever have to make.
She wanted to be selfish like most women would, but the truth was, she couldn’t handle the aftermath of all this shit blowing up in her face in the long run.
Monroe didn't see it the same way, but Promise had to protect her heart, and she trusted that if with her is where Monroe truly wanted to be, then there was nothing that would prohibit them from being together.
The decision Promise made had split Monroe in half.
He was so overwhelmed, he couldn’t stand to look into Promise’s beautiful face any longer.
From his side of the scope, he was reaching for her, but she was pulling away from him.
Monroe wasn’t the type of man to force anyone to be where they didn’t want to be.
He shifted his gaze to the open window that overlooked the city's lights. He silently prayed for answers, searched the sky for answers, but was only met with silence. Monroe hadn’t seen this moment coming, and it burned him to his core to realize that Promise was right.
He hadn’t taken the time to weigh his feelings, he just ruled them out because he was loyal to Promise.
The feel of Promise’s forehead against his back as she wrapped her arms around him from behind both warmed and made his heart sink.
“You killin’ me, Doll,” Monroe whispered, covering her hands with his.
“Just give me your word. Tell me that once you get to the bottom of all of this, you’ll find your way back home.”
Monroe turned to face Promise because more than he needed her to hear his words, he needed her to feel his words deep in the crevices of her soul, he needed his words to take root so they could spring up when she needed him the most.
He cupped her face gently with both hands.
“I’m a real man, ma. I ain’t never gon’ leave my home.
I’m just givin’ you time to realize that.
You tryna protect yourself from me and I’m harmless.
Just know whenever you ready to open your heart for me again, that’s all you gotta do is call, and a nigga gon’ come runnin’ every time.
”He said, then pressed his lips to hers.
“I’ma hold you to that,” Promise said, stepping back.
Monroe blew out an exaggerated sigh, knowing that Promise’s mind was made up, and there was no need to try convincing her otherwise.
Neither one of them moved. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to let go, but eventually Monroe released her face, slid both hands into his pockets, and lowered his head.
“I’m out, Doll. I’ma hit you up later on, a’ight,” Monroe said, his voice barely above a whisper as he headed towards the door without looking back.
Promise nodded, allowing silence to fill spaces her words should have, but she feared breaking down at the sight of his back as he walked out of her room and jogged down the stairs. Watching him walk away was harder than she'd imagined. She grabbed her phone when it vibrated.
Security Notification: Elevator doors closing.
Promise stared at the screen until the words blurred together.
The finality of it all had her dizzy. Her heart was so overwhelmed it brought her to her knees, and she sobbed.
She wrapped both arms around herself, rocking against the side of the bed as tears soaked the front of her shirt.
For the first time in her life, she was emotionally unstable.
She’d been a pillar for her mother, her sister, and her friends…
but the ache she felt hit different now that she was the one going through heartbreak.
“God, please help me,” she prayed.