Chapter 17 #2
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Promise said, loving the feel of Monroe’s hands on her body as he catered to her.
“Don’t nothin’ scare me in this life, ma. Not bullets, prison, or death…But, the thought of wakin' up one day knowin' I had to live the rest of my life without you," he paused. “That shit is terrifying like a mu’fucka,” he admitted, all jokes aside.
Sitting the shea balm down on the bench, Monroe stood, walked over to the dresser, and pulled out a Sony ICD-TX660.
He’d purchased it a year before going to Malibu, and had only used it a few times.
However, when he went to Malibu he’d recorded a lot more thinking it’d just be something he’d listen to years later after life took its course.
There was so much to unpack, relive, feel, and come to terms with while he was away.
He never thought that he’d share those moments with anyone, but as he knelt before Promise he thought, there’s no time like the present.
“I’m ‘bout to get in the shower, but I want you to listen to the recordings from when I was in Malibu, and a few before I went. You know every version of me except the one that was out there. When you press play, it’ll start from the beginning.
I want you to hear all I had to say when we weren’t together.
You deserve to know where my head was at.
What a nigga was feeling like, and everything in between,” Monroe stated. “No secrets, right?
Promise didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything.
Just nodded. But, as soon as Monroe turned on the shower, she turned the recorder over, pressed play, and waited for the recording to begin.
Suddenly a soft click echoed through the room.
For a few seconds, there was nothing but the distant crash of ocean waves, and the rustle of wind against the microphone.
“Ehm,” he cleared his throat. “This shit weird as fuck, I’on even know why I’m doin’ this shit, bruh,” Monroe said, chuckling.
Promise smiled, but continued to listen attentively.
“Damn, this view is crazy. Promise would love this shit,” Monroe said, sitting his glass of Henny down on the glass table beside him. “Damn, I miss her,” he said, leaning forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. “She think a nigga full of shit, but I just wanna be everything she need me to be.”
“You always have been,” Promise whispered as if Monroe was right beside her as the next recording started.
The soft breeze and steady chirping of birds in the distance gave Promise a sense of peace as she listened.
There were no words for the complete thirty-second recording, but she heard him.
She had felt his presence on the recording, but it was the sound of him breathing that confirmed it.
She memorized this same sound from the first time she laid her head on his chest. It was smooth, weightless, but it had given her life.
She took a deep breath after the recording ended.
“I loved her the best I could…Gave her my all, but she left me. I get why she left, but knowing the truth don’t make that shit burn less. When I look in her eyes, I see what could’ve been…what prolly shoulda been…what still can be, but a nigga ain’t fuckin’ wit it. Shit cost too fuckin’ much. I–”
The recording ended abruptly, but Promise knew that one wasn’t about her…
It was about Sienna. He was weighing in on what they had, what they lost, and would never have again.
For the first time, Promise took a moment to really feel the weight Monroe had walked around with.
There were a few beats of silence before the faint sound of smooth R&B played faintly.
“Got me listenin’ to this slow shit. What the hell has my life come to?” Monroe chuckled. “Damn, a nigga homesick like a mu’fucka.”
Promise sat back and leaned her back against the footboard while tapping the top of her belly as her baby kicked her in the same spots.
Monroe’s words had resonated with her because she too was lovesick, and wanted him to come home.
The sound of a lighter flickering in the near distance let Promise know he was about to smoke, then the recording went silent, and started back seconds later.
“Lord, forgive me for all the pain I’m causin’ by my absence.
A nigga just really need some guidance right about now.
I know I’on come to you like I should, and even if you don’t answer me, can you work it out so that Promise, Monae, and Sienna come out on top?
” Monroe prayed. “I love Promise unconditionally, but I’d be lyin’ if I said I ain’t still have love for Sienna.
I just feel like I can’t be wit’ her after all this time.
I know my mama did the unthinkable, but still," he paused. “I just can’t. It’s been a full month, and I can’t think of nobody but Promise.
Is that a sign?” He asked God, then the recording went silent.
Promise pressed trembling fingers against her mouth. She hadn't realized she'd been crying until a tear slipped onto the recorder's screen. She wiped it away with the pad of her thumb. Then there was another click. Another recording.
“Monae Black. Hell yea that’s my daughter. And her smart ass is just like me. Smart as hell wit’ an old soul too.”
“Oh my God, she really is,” Promise said out loud, cracking up laughing because Monroe told no lies. That girl was daddy’s girl through and through. Promise smiled because her heart was so full. Monae had filled a space in her heart without permission, and it’s exactly what Promise needed.
“A’ight. Good lookin’ out, G,” Monroe said, concluding the call. The sound of an envelope sounded in the background, then there was more silence.
“ASPD Comorbid Antisocial Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia? What the fuck? Since when my mama got a severe mental illness and personality disorder?” Monroe questioned aloud. “How the hell I miss that?” Monroe sighed deeply, then silence settled over the recording again.
Promise moved to the edge of her seat, and hit rewind because what?
What the hell? Everything makes sense now, Promise thought, needing to hear that part again before listening to the rest. She shook her head as the realization hit.
She wasn’t tripping at all. Promise didn’t feel anything though.
Macie had tried to kill her, and God don’t like ugly.
“How you doin’, Ms. Montgomery?” Monroe said as soon as she answered the phone. “I was just callin’ to thank you for makin’ such a perfect ass woman. I just sent you a gift,” Monroe said. “Did you get it?”
“Ten thousand dollars, Monroe! Oh my goodness, son. You didn’t have to send me that.” Promise’s mom protested, I’m not struggling in the least, but thank you so much for thinking of me.
“You right. I should've sent more,” Monroe stated, not giving a damn about what she already had. It wasn’t about that… It was about appreciation. “I’ma double that amount every month for trustin’ me wit’ your daughter."
“Monroe Black, you better not,” Ms. Montgomery told him.
“I trust you with her because I know it’s Gods’ will for y’all to be together.
I see the way y’all look at each other. I notice the small details like how protective you are with her, how you tend to her every need and want without her having to ask…
It’s so pure. So beautiful to look at from the outside of the world you two created for others to marvel at.
It's a rarity, son, and you’re a phenomenal man.
I’m so proud of both of you,” she genuinely encouraged him.
“‘Preciate that, Ms. Montgomery. I’ma see you soon,” Monroe said, taking his dinner out of the bag.
“Alright, son. Talk to you later.”
Before walking out of the ensuite, Monroe bent down, opened the bottom drawer, and retrieved two surprises he’d been hiding from Promise.
It was the only place in the house he knew she’d never look, but it was true, sometimes the best hiding places were the ones that were in plain sight.
Draped in light blue sweats and no shirt, Monroe stepped out of the bathroom.
The expression on his face was telling of his confident vulnerability.
His eyes were softer…Deeper.
His posture was relaxed…Open.
He had made himself an open book for Promise to read and interpret his truth because he’d laid it all out for her.
She nourished and nurtured his heart, while he protected hers.
For a moment he just stood, allowing the silence between them to transport them to the dimension where only the rawest version of themselves could exist. It was almost as if time paused, and the only thing that moved was Monroe as he closed the space between them.
Sitting one of the gifts that he’d purchased for her on the bench beside her, he knelt before her the second time in less than an hour, and kissed her stomach.
“I love you so much, Monroe. You are all I want, and all I’ll ever need,” Promise confessed as tears streamed down her face. She was so blinded by her own emotions, she had totally overlooked the gift he’d sat beside her.