Chapter 26
26
PATRICK
C ormac and I are at one of the big tables back in the brew room, reviewing the updated brewing schedule on my laptop.
“Looks good, nice work.” I study the spreadsheet outlining the next six months.
“Your da helped me check it over.”
“I’m glad you’re taking the initiative, Cormac. And my dad knows just about everything about brewing, so he’s a good person to ask for help.”
Cormac’s been a model employee since his screwup with the autumn brew. He’s got potential but needs the right coaching, someone kind and patient. My dad’s the perfect person for that. Sean wasn’t—he needs coaching on how to coach. But since it’s unlikely he’ll ever work here or talk to me again, that’s irrelevant.
The door to the front entrance clicks open, and we both turn to look.
No fecking way.
Cara stands in front of us, like something from my bloody nightmares. We need to start locking the damn doors.
“Hello.” She stares at me.
I can’t get words out. My cheek twitches below my right eye.
Cormac looks at her, then turns to me.
“Can we help you?” he asks.
“This is Liam Smith’s sister,” I say, once my vocal chords agree to work. “Of New Dingle Brewing.”
She flinches subtly, and I enjoy the idea that she’s offended I’ve boiled her down to just a member of the competition’s family.
“Are you here to steal our brewing secrets?” Cormac chuckles, then trails off as Cara and I remain silent.
“Give us a minute.” I look at Cormac and nod my head to the brewery office.
“Right, of course.” He gets up from the metal chair that makes an offensive screeching sound as it pushes against the floor, then scurries into the tiny brewery office and shuts the door. Leaving me alone with my ex-fiancée.
“What are you doing here, Cara?” I at least sound calm.
“I need to talk to you.” Her voice causes a surge of emotion, which I try to mask. We haven’t talked in years. Why now?
I don’t answer verbally but flick my hands in the air.
She steps toward the table until she’s right next to it and shimmies off her winter coat.
“Damn, it smells awful back here.” She slides into the seat across from me. “I hate hanging out in breweries.”
I blink at her. Like Saoirse, Cara never had any interest in taking over the family business. She’d rather waitress in Dublin. I wonder if it drives Liam crazy? Or if he tries to get her to come work with him, like I do with my sister?
“Guess you’re not going to make small talk, huh.” She laughs lightly, then sighs when I don’t let my stony face crack. “Alright. I saw you kissing that woman at O’Brien’s the other night.”
I raise my eyebrows. Maddie’s plan worked.
“And it made me realize I needed to make things right with you before... my wedding. I’m getting married.”
Oh, she can feck right off. Any satisfied feelings disappear. I swallow hard, and her eyes flit to my throat, noticing. A lightning-fast memory reel goes through my mind: me proposing over white Christmas lights, her saying yes, then the excitement fading as time ticked by and we didn’t move forward with wedding plans.
“Congratulations.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
I feel my face twist. “It’s been five years since we split. We’re not friends. What would you like me to say?”
I hate how bitter I sound. I thought I was over feeling that way about her. When Maddie kissed me in front of Cara, I only cared about Maddie. But now negative emotions assault me from all directions.
She doesn’t say anything for a moment.
“How’s it going? At Slea Head? I know it was always your dream to take over. Must feel good.”
I cross my arms and keep my mouth shut. How dare she show up here and act like she belongs in this place. Like she cares about me. Like she knows me.
“You’re not making this easy.” She crumples her nose and squints her eyes shut for a beat. “When we were together, I know I messed up. A lot.”
“You think so?” Sarcasm drips off every syllable, but she doesn’t acknowledge it.
Cara looks around. “Can I get a drink?”
“No.”
She looks up at me and nods.
“I’m sorry. For all of it.”
“What are you sorry for?” I have a morbid curiosity to know what she’s thinking.
“For dragging you to Dublin when I knew you wanted to be in Dingle. For wasting your time when I knew...”
I intake air sharply. “Knew what? When?”
“I knew we would never get married. I knew it shortly after we got to Dublin.”
“I spent two years there,” I say, mostly to myself. “Wasted two years.”
“I’m sorry for not being faithful to you,” she whispers. “That’s not who I am.”
Maybe I just proposed that Christmas because I knew, deep down, that I was losing her, that what we had had already slipped through my fingers.
Maybe she said yes only because she was caught in the moment.
I don’t forgive her. I can’t. I can let it go, but I can’t accept her apology.
Cara searches my face for something and sighs deeply.
“There’s more you don’t know.”
“ What more could there be?” Jaysus.
“I told Liam you cheated on me.” She scrunches her face, as if bracing herself for my reaction.
“What?”
All at once, everything becomes clear. How much Liam hated me after Cara and I broke up. How he wouldn’t talk to me. I’d assumed it was because of the breakup in general, but never imagined it was because he thought I’d fecked around on his little sister.
With that lie, Cara took away our future together, my friend, and created a business enemy for me.
“Why would you do that?” I was so confused by Liam’s rejection. And hurt. I hadn’t understood what I did wrong.
“Because I felt like a terrible person, and I couldn’t bear for my brother to think that about me, too.”
I wish she’d leave this place, but I can’t stop myself from asking another question.
“How did you know we wouldn’t make it?” I sound pathetic, but I need to know this. I need to know because I’m on the edge of something with Maddie, and I’m terrified. Maybe similar to how Cara’s feeling right now.
She studies my face, and I can almost see the thoughts swirling in her head as she decides what to say.
“You were always questioning where I was going, who I was with, what I was doing. You were so rigid. I felt like you pushed me away. You didn’t get me at all. We weren’t a fit, Patrick. So I found someone who was.”
I harden my jaw and keep my teeth clenched together. Her words scorch my heart. I did it. I chased her away.
“I don’t think I knew about us for sure until we lived in the same place. But it was obvious right away.” She fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater. “Our personalities didn’t work together. I’d get so offended by things you’d say... I think you meant well. I know I ruined it in the end, but we were broken long before then.”
I want to bang on the table and scream. I want to throw my laptop against the wall.
Most of all, I want Cara to go.
“Please leave.”
“Patrick . . .”
“I don’t owe you my time. Or an apology. And I’m not about to accept yours.”
She sighs and stands, clutching her jacket in her hand, and pauses for a beat before spinning around and disappearing through the door.
I wait for feelings to wash over me—sadness, despair, joy, anything. But I feel dead inside.
Maddie’s face crystallizes in my mind. Every day I’m with her, I fall more and more in love. But I know I’ll ruin it eventually. She likes me now... but eventually, I’ll just be number eleven to her. She’ll walk out on me. She’ll give up on us.
Like Cara did. And Noreen.
I’d forgotten for a minute. When I’m with Maddie, anything seems possible.
But Cara reminded me of the truth.
I won’t forget it again.