Chapter 16 Ella
ELLA
My nerves churn in my gut as I pace the floors of the penthouse.
Eighteen hours is too long to wait for a flight, and I hardly slept last night.
I haven’t spoken to Asher since yesterday at noon when his flight took off.
He was only able to give me a quick call before takeoff, and with the security concerns, his team decided to keep communication off unless necessary.
To make matters worse, I got a text at four a.m. from Asher telling me they hit a bad storm and their flight had been rerouted.
He couldn’t send any more texts, and I haven’t heard a word since.
It’s been two hours since then, and in those two hours, I’ve been restlessly pacing, waiting for any news.
All I’ve been able to think about is the text I read over Declan’s shoulder when he dropped me off at home.
Asher gave a quick synopsis of the attack, and with every line I read, my stomach sank further.
Hotel room gassed, security blocked, Asher and Robert tied up and unconscious in their hotel, Yegor Volkov holding a gun to Asher’s head.
I hyperventilated near to passing out at the last bit of information.
I’ve been so foolish, I think, berating myself over how I pushed Asher away a few weeks ago.
I know how fragile life is. I know what it’s like to lose someone so important to you that they’re irreplaceable.
The process of losing my father was slow and painful as he battled cancer for a few years, but even though we had accepted his fate in the end, it didn’t diminish the pain.
It didn’t change the fact that all we wanted, all we craved as his family, was more time with him.
Especially the time before the diagnosis.
I’d heard my father speak his regrets dozens and dozens of times about how he’d wished he had done things differently.
If he’d known he only had a few more years to live, he would have changed his life.
He would have cut back at work, he would have spent more time with his wife and daughters, he would have given himself more freedom to spend time on hobbies and on the things that brought him joy.
He wouldn’t have given so much of himself to a job that hired his replacement the same week he started chemotherapy.
It seems I’ve forgotten my father’s words.
I’ve forgotten that I can’t take life for granted.
I can’t take people and relationships for granted, and I can’t move through life only half living because of fear.
That’s no way to live. It would be a tragedy to wake up one day and realize I didn’t live because I was afraid.
Pain and loss are a part of life, and buffering and hiding myself away to avoid them won’t save me.
I’ve let my fear of being hurt keep me from giving my all, at least to an extent, to Asher—but that ends tonight.
No more holding back. I’ll let go and do what feels so natural—being with him.
And if things end between us, then I’ll deal with the pain that comes with it.
I’m going to love Asher, and if he’s afraid of committing all the way to me, then I guess I’ll just have to live with that until he’s ready.
I can be brave enough for the two of us.
Finally, after hours of waiting, my phone rings.
I answer it before even looking at the name.
“We made it,” Asher’s voice says. He lets out a long breath. “We didn’t have to reroute after all, we just ended up circling over the ocean for a bit. And now we’re on the tarmac safe and sound.”
“Thank god,” I rasp, barely able to get the words out. I collapse onto the sofa.
Asher gives a ghost of a chuckle. “Anxious to see me, Ms. Hale?”
“You have no fucking idea. I almost had a heart attack when Declan told me what happened to you.”
“You and me both.”
“God. Sorry. I’ve been so caught up in my own fear, I haven’t even asked how you’re doing. That must have been terrifying.”
“It was scary for a minute.”
“But you’re okay? Truly? I’m so worried about you.”
“I’m fine. I can’t wait to be home. It’s been too long without you.”
“Hurry back to me, Asher. Please.” I don’t think anything will feel okay until I see him and touch him and make sure he’s real.
“I will, baby.”
We hang up, but I still can’t calm my racing mind. Unable to stand another minute of pacing between the living room or our bedroom, I walk out of the front door and stand in the foyer that divides the front door from the elevator entrance. I want to see Asher the second he’s home.
A round white table is the only piece of furniture in the space, and a large floral arrangement sits atop it, changed weekly by Ms. Graham.
She always chooses something extraordinarily beautiful.
This week it’s pink peonies with greenery and some other white flowers I don’t know the name of.
I climb onto the table to sit while I wait.
I cross my legs and lean forward slightly, trying not to crush the flowers as I watch the minutes tick by on my phone.
I almost manically chuckle to myself as I think about what Lucy would say if she saw me waiting on a table like this.
She would scold me for sure, but it doesn’t matter.
I meant what I said to her and Zahra: I’ve fallen for Asher, and there’s no going back.
I haven’t dared to speak the words to him, but it doesn’t change how sure I feel them inside my heart.
There is no one else for me, and I know now that I have to do everything in my power to keep him.
I’ll take on the board, the Antonovs, the Volkovs, and anyone else that threatens him.
Because I know now that to live without him would be the worst kind of torture imaginable.
Finally, the elevator doors open. Asher’s eyes meet mine, and I practically launch myself off the table. I scramble toward him, and he lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, bury my face in his neck, and let out a sob of relief.
“Ella,” he breathes.
“Never scare me like that again,” I gasp out.
Before he can say another word, I take his face in both my hands and press my lips to his. He kisses me back, fiercely, ignoring the men who enter the foyer behind him.
“I need you,” he murmurs against my lips. “I need you so fucking much.”
His lips meet mine again and never leave as he carries me into the penthouse and straight toward the bedroom. I’m running on practically no sleep and am exhausted, but a shot of adrenaline races through me at the happiness and relief of being in Asher’s arms again.
There are no words spoken as the two of us tear at each other’s clothes, as if we both know that nothing will feel right until there’s nothing between us—until we can feel one another skin to skin.
So many things in our relationship are complicated, but this, this is where everything is clear and simple.
When it’s just the two of us, everything makes sense, and it’s like the outside world doesn’t exist.
And right now, that’s what I desperately need.
I fall onto my back, and Asher lies on top of me. I welcome the weight of him. I’ve always loved the feel of his large body pressing down on mine, but after the hell of the last twenty-four hours, this almost feels like an answer to a prayer.
I lace my fingers through his hair as he kisses his way down my jaw, to my neck, and across my chest. But then his lips leave my skin, and he pulls away, hovering above me. He looks at me, his blue eyes filled with fire, but also relief.
“I can’t believe I’m here, and you’re real,” he whispers.
I trace my fingers down his cheek. “I’m real.”
He buries his face in my neck as his hands grip my shoulders, almost bruising me with their intensity.
“I missed you so fucking much. And then I thought I may not make it back to you.”
“I know,” I choke out, my voice quavering. “I can never go through that again.”
He nods into my neck and then kisses his way up along my jaw again.
“I need you. I need to be inside you.”
Without another word, he thrusts his cock inside me, and I moan at the feel of him stretching me. Filling me. I could live with this man inside me and never tire of it.
He moves slowly at first, but then his thrusts grow faster, almost frantic with need.
He sucks my breast into his mouth, teasing my nipple with his tongue, as he kneads my other breast in his hand.
I move my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust, lost in the haze of need right along with him.
His mouth and hands trace and worship every inch of me as he pounds into me, and I cling to him like my life depends on it.
I might be panting and gasping for air, but it feels like I can breathe properly for the first time in two weeks.
Asher reaches down, circling his finger over my clit, and sparks shiver down my spine. Pleasure pools low in my core, and every thrust of his cock hits that perfect spot inside me, over and over again.
“Don’t stop,” I gasp out. “Please, don’t stop.”
Asher answers my plea by thrusting harder, deeper, and I can’t fight the moans and whimpers that leave me. Nothing compares to this man. Nothing.
I cling to him, digging my fingers into the flesh of his back, but if it hurts him, he doesn’t complain. I couldn’t lessen my hold if I tried to, anyway, and I’m sure I’ll be left with my own marks as Asher’s teeth graze my neck, biting and sucking and claiming.
“Are you close?” Asher asks. “Because it’s been too long without you, and I can’t hold back anymore.”
“I’m close.”
“Then come for me, baby,” Asher demands, thrusting harder.
Seconds later, my inner walls pulse and flutter. Stars pepper my vision, my ears pop and ring, and I scream Asher’s name as the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had rips through me. Asher pounds into me even harder until he stills, spilling himself inside me.
“Fuck!” he gasps. “Fuck, Ella.”
Asher collapses on top of me, and for a few moments we just lie there, my arms and legs tangled around him and his face buried again against my neck.
Our breathing slows. Our heartbeats quiet.
And it’s only once the high of our orgasms fade that we allow ourselves to let go and for Asher to pull out of me.
He leans back on his heels and watches with a fevered fascination as his cum leaks out of me, sliding down my thighs.
He reaches for me and brushes his thumbs through it, smearing it across my skin, pressing some back into my entrance.
He leans down and presses a kiss to the top of my pussy, then leans his forehead against my lower abdomen.
“I don’t know what to do,” Asher whispers against my skin.
“What do you mean?”
He lifts his body up and sits back against his heels again.
“I’m so fucking glad you weren’t on that trip with me.
Threats from Katrina. Attacked by Yegor.
Then my plane hit a storm that slowed us so much we were worried for a moment about running out of fuel.
I couldn’t have handled it if you had been there for any one of those situations.
And yet, all I could think about the entire time was how much I hated being away from you.
I want you to travel with me. I want you by my side as much as possible, but I also don’t want to put you in harm’s way.
And right now, that seems to be the way of my life. ”
“We’ll take care of it. You can’t keep living this way. Declan and I have a plan we think will help.”
Asher furrows his brows. “Ugh. Don’t say my brother’s name while you’re lying naked beneath me with my cum in your pussy.”
I giggle. “Then we can talk about it later when I’m fully clothed. But you should know, I want the same as you. I want to be with you. Wherever you go. I know we can’t make it work all the time, but I want to be with you as much as I can. You are an addiction I can’t seem to kick, Mr. Langford.”
“I can’t say I hate the sound of that.”
Asher’s eyes shine with mischief, then he grabs hold of my legs and hauls me off the bed. I yelp in surprise as he slings me over his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I ask through laughter.
“Shower,” he grunts out.