Chapter 32 Ella #2
“I know, but I have to do something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to function. I worry for you constantly. It’s always in the back of my mind. I’m trying to fight my compulsions to . . .” He sighs. “It’s getting harder to deal with you being a target, and every day I’m closer to snapping.”
My brows furrow. The fear and anguish in his voice is so real, raw. But his words make my stomach coil in apprehension.
“What compulsions?”
His jaw tenses, clearly avoiding the question.
“What compulsions, Asher?”
“In the beginning, they were to run away, to push you away. A terrified voice in the back of my mind keeps screaming at me to do that, and to stay away this time.”
My heart stutters in my chest.
“Not because I want you gone, but because if you’re not with me, then one day people will forget about you, and then you can live a safe and normal life.”
I meet his eyes and hope that the fire in mine can get through to the fear in his. “I don’t want a safe and normal life if you’re not in it.”
He kisses my forehead. “I know.”
“What’s another compulsion? It sounded like you had more than one.”
He hesitates before answering. “I want nothing more than to lock you away until this is over. I know it’s fucked up, but I can’t help the instinct to hide you where my enemies can’t find you. Until they’re all dead.”
“I am not a princess that can be locked in a tower, Asher.”
He sighs. “I know, baby.”
I narrow my gaze. “Do you?”
“Yes. Of course I know that.”
“You’ve already had me on a lockdown.”
“And I’m about to put you on another one.”
“I will not stay in your penthouse again like that. I nearly went crazy last time.”
“It’s your penthouse too.”
I wave my hand, dismissing that.
“It’s for your safe—”
“I am aware it’s for my safety,” I snap. “But we have to find another way.”
“I don’t want you in the office anymore. It’s not safe there, not when I don’t know how many traitors I have in my midst.”
“What about work?”
“What about it? Your current job is null and void with the dismantling of the contract and PR team. Whatever needs to be overseen will be handled by the smaller team, and I can have them brought here when they need to work directly with you.”
“I can agree to the office, but I won’t give up my work with the school pantry and some other charities I’m interested in working with. I also have photo shoots and brand deals for Lennox Rose coming up; I can’t do those from here, and I’m not backing out of them.”
“I’m not asking you to back out of anything besides the office.
That’s where you’re most vulnerable. As far as everything else, we’ll make it work by putting more security in place.
I’ve hired an additional personal security guard for you, a female, and she will quite literally go everywhere with you.
Jenkins can’t always move through female places like restrooms, so Flores will accompany you in those spaces, and then the two of them will be with you at all other times unless you’re at home.
It’s the everyday Langford Holdings that is the problem.
We’ve found some answers, but we’re missing others.
Something about this isn’t adding up and I’m not risking you while we figure it out. ”
“So, unless I have a planned outing, you want me to stay here all day because something isn’t adding up and you don’t even know what it is?”
“Yes.”
“Asher,” I groan. “What am I supposed to do all day?”
“We can find another type of work, but it needs to be remote so you can do it from here.”
“And if I don’t agree to that?”
“Then I’ll fire you and make certain you’re not allowed inside the building unless you’re with me.”
“You would not do that!”
“You underestimate what I would do to keep you safe. Firing you is one of the least sins I would commit.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“It’s not just the poisoning, Ella. I had to remove you from the hospital early. You weren’t supposed to be discharged until today, but you’ve been home for two days.”
“Why?”
“There was a threat intercepted by our team. Sergei learned what hospital you were in and knew that I was with you, and he sent a team after the two of us.”
“To do what? Kill me? Kill you?”
“No. To corner and intimidate me while you were vulnerable in the hospital. They can’t get what they want if I die.
I hold all the power and if I die that power passes to my brothers, so it won’t help their cause.
But they could hurt me and make me watch while they hurt you, to get their point across.
Their message was hidden on the stalker letter.
They have demanded that I sign Greenspan over to them or they’re coming for me. And they’re coming to me through you.”
Fuck.
“Every part of me wants to give in and give them what they want so that I can keep you safe. But I can’t.
I can’t set that sort of precedent. If it gets out that all someone has to do is threaten you and I’ll give them whatever they want, you’ll never be safe again.
Also, while I might be loose on a lot of my ethics, I do actually give a fuck what happens to this planet, and I am one of the few people who can put forth the money needed on research to get real results for climate change.
The Russian mafia isn’t something I want to fuck with, but they’ve given me no choice.
I can’t give in to their threats, which means I have to take them out.
You’re the potential collateral damage, and I can’t have that.
If I have to keep you somewhat locked down to keep you safe, that’s what I’ll do. ”
I let out a groan but don’t have much to say. This is all too much to think about when my mind is still slushy from medication. I need to think this through before I know what my next step is.
“That reminds me,” Asher says, looking a little hesitant. “You are also not to contact Lucy until this is all over.”
“Excuse me?” What in the actual fuck?
“Lucy is a Morozov, a cousin of the Antonovs.”
I bristle. “Lucy would never hurt me.”
“I know that, Ella, I do. But regardless of Lucy’s intentions, if the Antonovs learn about the connection between the two of you, they will try to exploit it.”
“She would never help them or hurt me.”
“She probably wouldn’t even know it’s happening. They would use her in ways she wouldn’t realize.”
“She is not stupid or na?ve, she would see right through them.”
“Okay, maybe they don’t use her. Maybe they just hurt her to get to you, which would get them to me.
They might be her family, but they are ruthless.
This is hundreds of billions of dollars on the line when you look at the long-term effects of cutting out significant portions of oil in everyday life.
They’re not going to risk that, and if they have to use one of their own to prevent that loss?
They won’t hesitate. For them it will be well worth the cost.”
I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, groaning. “So, this means I’m cut off from one of my best friends, my work, and a lot of the outside world.”
“Until I have a handle on this, yes.”
Fucking hell. “And how long will that take?”
“I don’t know. But I’m coming for them with everything I have.
I’m sorry, Ella. This is exactly why I’ve kept people at arm’s length my entire life.
It wasn’t merely selfishness at wanting to live a carefree bachelor life; it was this.
My life is complicated, and my status can make it dangerous.
I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this. You deserve better.”
“It sounds like you’re trying to say goodbye.”
“I’m not, although you’d be better off in the long run if I did.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I think that ship has sailed. Even if you did say goodbye, people will still know who I am. Your idea that I’ll just fade into anonymity and have a normal life is something that could take years to accomplish.”
“Which is why keeping you close is what’s best.”
“Is that the only reason you’re keeping me close?” My stomach sinks. This conversation is starting to taste strongly of regret.
“Of course not. But the situation you’re in is my worst fear come to life, and I hate it.”
I reach my hand up and cup his face. “I hate it too. But if this is what it means to be with you, then I accept it. I accepted it from the beginning. I meant what I said when you were eavesdropping on my call with my mother and Maya. You’re worth it.
All the craziness that comes with your life, I’ll take it if it means I get to be with you. ”
Asher swallows and leans his forehead down to mine.
“I love you, Ella. And I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life proving that to you.
” His lips meet mine, and he kisses me tenderly, with so much love and affection that tears prickle in the backs of my eyes.
I hold on to the moment—trying to memorize it—since I have a feeling that I’ll need these types of memories to help me deal with the uncertainty ahead of us.
Because without these small moments, without the reminder of who he is without all the outside pressures bearing down on him, I don’t know if I could survive Asher’s world.