Chapter 7
“So, let me get this shit straight. You’re over here writing secret admirer letters to a nigga that stayed at The Luxe, you took a picture of his L’s, and you assigned yourself to clean his room.
Yo ole starkerish ass shoulda known you were in trouble when you assigned yourself to clean his shit.
Bruh, is the nigga that fine? Let me see a picture of him.
You said that was the reason you took the picture of his driver’s license.
You going to jail! And Ion wanna be friends with no convict, especially a stalker convict at that,” Jaz said, shaking her head.
I pulled the picture up so she could see him. She grabbed the phone out of my hand.
“Ohhhh, this nigga fine enough to make me go straight. He fine as fuck. This nigga run circles, stars, and boomerangs around anything you ever had before, including that orangutan you call a baby daddy.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. Jaz, it’s not like that. I swear I’m not a stalker, and I know it may seem like that, but I’m truly not.”
“But you are. But go off lil stalk-stalk,” she laughed.
“I tried so hard to fight sending that letter, but I just wanted to stay connected in some way.” I shrugged.
“Okay, boo. Gon’ head and write your lil’ letters, but when them people come knocking at your door, don’t put me and my niece in your mess,” my best friend said, while shaking her head at me.
“Now come on before you’re late for your doctor’s appointment.
I shouldn’t even be riding in the same car as you, ’cause what if they pull us over?
" She paused dramatically, and I instantly rolled my eyes.
“Girl, hush. I’m not hurting anybody.” To be honest, I did feel a little ashamed. Not just because of the letters, though.
I felt worse about the fact that while I was in Philadelphia for my conference that week, I actually drove past his house.
Well, I wasn’t sure if I would even call it a house.
His mansion. Calling that place a house was disrespectful as hell.
The property sat behind massive black gates.
His home looked like it could be in one of those lavish magazines.
The crazy part was, I actually sat outside those gates for almost ten minutes just staring in awe of the place. Ugh!
I hated that I did that. Deep down, I knew the only reason I went to Philadelphia was to see him again.
Every single day at work, I checked to see when a new VIP reservation came through, just to see if his name would be there.
I knew that all of this sounded crazy because men like him wouldn’t even think twice about someone like me.
That wasn’t to say that I couldn’t get a man, they just always seemed to choose the bougie women.
I sighed at the thought of it all. All I kept on asking myself was, “what have you gotten yourself into, Forever?” Even I didn’t have the answer to that.
“Fev. Did you hear about Nisha getting hurt at the bank?”
“Girl, yeah. That was some crazy shit. They said the door hit her, right?” I heard about it but didn’t get a chance to ask Nisha about it so I could get the entire story.
“Bihhhh. They said that she pulled the door open to walk in and the whole damn door fell on top of her. They talking about she tried to stand up and shit. She slow as hell ’cause my ass would’ve still been on the ground wit the door until my damn check cleared from my pain and suffering.
I woulda been out there slobbing at the mouth you hear me.
Soon as they would've tried to move the glass, my ass woulda put a tighter grip. Ain’t no damn way.
That bank would’ve been called First Jazmine Federal after I was through with they ass.
The judge woulda had to come talk to me right in the same spot I landed when me and the door went down,” she said, and I was hollering.
An hour later, I was settled into my doctor’s appointment.
Since I was going to be there for a while, I leaned back in the chair near the window and watched the rain pour down outside.
I loved rainy days. Something about them always calmed me down and gave me so much peace.
My thoughts drifted right back to Legacy.
So, I pulled my notebook from my purse and started writing him another letter. Maybe I wouldn’t send this one, though.
A few hours later, I was done with my appointment and finally made it back home.
The rain was still falling hard against the windows, and the forecast said it was supposed to storm for the next few days.
Honestly, I didn’t mind it. I’d been working so much lately that being forced to slow down almost felt nice.
I went and took me a warm shower, put on some tights and a t-shirt, and curled up on my couch with my notebook in hand.
Hanii decided to go home with Jaz, so I was kid free.
The house was quiet except for the rain tapping against the wall windowpane and my music playing What You Need by Tems. I absolutely loved this song.
No matter how peaceful the moment felt, my mind was still on Legacy Porter.
“Damn, Fev. Get your shit together and leave this man alone,” I whispered.
A few hours had passed, and it was a little after seven. I guess I needed to decide what I would eat for dinner. My phone started ringing, and it was my friend Kasia calling.
“Hey, girl. What’s up?” I greeted, placing the call on speaker while stretching out across my couch.
“Hey boo, I was calling to see if you wanted to go to Lou’s tonight?”
The second she mentioned Lou’s, my stomach growled loud as hell. So loud that Kasia could’ve heard it. Lou’s was a little hood bar in West Philly, but babbby, they food was slappin’. From the lemon pepper wings to the loaded crab fries, everything on that menu was fire.
“Mmmm. That actually sounds good as hell. You must’ve known I was hungry. But girl, I feel drained and I already got comfortable on this couch.”
“I’ll be there at nine, so gon’ head and get yourself together,” she said quickly. “And put that shit on, Fev. You know the niggas be outside at Lou’s.”
I instantly started laughing before she even finished.
“It’s time to get them damn cobwebs knocked off that puss,” she continued dramatically. “Friend, I don’t know how you do it, ’cause my ass gotta have it. Damn, let your hair down and be the biggest HOE! If these niggas can do it, so can we!”
At this point, I was laughing so hard my stomach was hurting.
This girl was crazy. When her and Jaz got together.
.. OMG, they show their whole ass. I honestly didn’t know why God placed them in my life, but I thank him.
They kept me crying laughing nonstop. I was nothing like either of them, but somehow, we balanced each other perfectly.
One thing about them, they will go to war behind me without hesitation.
“Okay, okayy,” I laughed. “I’ll go. But I’m driving myself because I probably won’t stay as long as you.”
Truthfully, the idea of getting out the house for a little while actually sounded good. I hadn’t really been anywhere besides work and home in months, so a tiny part of me was getting excited.
“Bet. I’ll text you when I leave out,” she said.
“Okay.”
We ended the call, and I finally dragged myself off the couch to head upstairs and get ready.
Thank God I’d gotten my hair silk pressed the day before because my hair was entirely too long and thick for me to be fighting with it tonight.
I hated styling it. Everybody always asked me what products I used or told me I should start doing hair tutorials online because my hair stayed so healthy.
Honestly, I didn’t even do much to it. I guess I got the good genes from the people that created me and avoiding heat.
I’m natural so I don’t like too much heat on my hair, and I keep the products I used to a minimum.
I walked into my bathroom, flipping on the vanity lights before staring at myself in the mirror.
I could see the change in my skin, and I needed to find something to help me with that.
I hated that. I removed my clothes, threw on my robe, and then pulled my bonnet off my hair and it fell down my back.
You are beautiful, you are worthy.
Those are the words of affirmation that I recite every day.
After I finished applying my makeup, I went to change into my clothes.
I decided on a lace body suit shirt, and a pair of stretched jeans that hugged every curve I had.
One thing about me, the body was bodying.
I never had a problem in the looks department, or my shape for that matter.
It was the fact that I always attracted the wrong type of men.
It was always a hood dude, and whenever I decided to give someone a chance, I find that they only wanted one thing.
Which is why I gave up on finding true love.
After my baby daddy, I met a couple of other guys and got my shit off with one of them for a while, but he became irritable to be around.
So, two years ago, I decided to be celibate.
I had some inner healing to do, I got into paying closer attention to the things I put in my body and trying my best to take care of me.
Life tends to come at you fast, and I had to really sit back to reflect and pray.
Loving my daughter in abundance is my only priority.
By the time I made it to Lou’s, cars were everywhere.
I mean on both sides of the street, and I had to find a park on the next block.
It was crazy, which meant it was packed inside and we probably wouldn’t get a seat anywhere.
I hated standing and that would be the reason I left early.
Ordering some take out and going back home sounded just as good as it did when Kasia invited me out.
Getting out my car, I walked up to the bar, and people were outside laughing, drinking, and smoking.