Chapter 10 #2
How is your artistry going? You know I saw this movie called Mea Culpa a while ago with Kelly Rowland and she was seeing this artist. In one of the scenes, they were making love in body paint, creating this piece of art.
Not to sound crazy or anything, but have you ever thought about doing this?
I’ve officially added this to my bucket list. That was the sexiest scene of love-making I’ve ever seen in my life.
There’s a few more things that I’ve added to my list. Like bungee jumping, doing a 5K walk, visiting the Eiffel Tower and the lock bridge while I’m in Paris.
Making love on a beach in Bali. Anddd shopping with my baby girl on Rodeo Drive, lol.
Hanii and I would have so much fun. Those are just to name a few.
I’ve started to look at life differently.
Appreciating it a lot more than I used to.
You never know how much time you have here on earth so it’s best to live your life with no regrets.
Honestly, I hate that I have some. Nothing too major, but I regret never putting myself out there to find true love.
Allowing it to scare me away into loneliness.
Now, here it is... I’m facing one of the biggest and hardest challenges in my life, and I’m all alone for the most part.
I mean, I have my best friend, but that’s all.
No real family to rely on. Maybe that’s for the best. Maybe not.
That’s part of the reason why I knew I could never approach you—We’d have no time together.
No time to even try this thing called love out.
Hell, I’m not even sure that you would even like me.
I may not be who you’re interested in. I’m so scared of rejection.
I know you’re probably lost as hell, so I’m just going to go ahead and rip the band aid off. Legacy, the truth is, I’m dying. You wouldn’t be able to tell by just looking at me, not yet anyway.
About two years ago, I was diagnosed with indolent leukemia.
At first, my chances were good. I got early intervention, did treatment, and changed my diet.
I was optimistic. But me and odds never went well together, and like a thief in the night, cancer reared its ugly head and came back. Full force.
I prepared myself for another battle again.
Got ready to fight. Then I received the most devastating news that the treatment wasn’t working.
I finally decided to come to terms with it because, if I was going to go then I wanted to be me when I left.
I wanted to spend all the time I could with my daughter instead of being chained up in a hospital.
So, for the last year, I’ve been working hard as hell, saving up money for my daughter, and trying to figure out a way to be okay with leaving her behind. That’s the thing that breaks my heart most. Leaving her out here in this cruel ass world alone.
I guess it’ll never be easy to digest. I mean, she doesn’t even know I’m sick really. Does that make me terrible? Hiding the truth from her? I’m just trying to find the right time to talk to her about mommy leaving her and going to heaven.
If only this was another lifetime, one where I was bold and confident, and not dying, I would’ve definitely tried my chance with you.
However, we only get one life, and this one happens to be mine.
I have this word of affirmation that I recite daily.
Never let the stresses of life control you, you control it.
I need to practice this more than ever now, but it’s hard.
Say a prayer for me and ask God to cover me and my daughter.
Especially, my daughter... that little girl is going to need the arms of the angels surrounding her.
Well, until next time.
Sincerely,
Forever
Until the tears hit the paper, I didn’t even realize I was crying. This shit broke my heart into pieces, and I just couldn’t believe what the hell I just read. But it was something about this particular letter that nagged me.
“Dawg, that shit just tore me and I ain’t even a nigitch. I need me a drink after reading that. We need to do a walk; ain’t that what people do when they loved ones have cancer? This shit too much right here,” Rome said.
“It is, and it has me so damn emotional I wish I wasn’t being nosy and reading that. That’s heartbreaking, and I wanna find them just to hug her and be that angel her daughter needs ‘cause I got some money for her savings,” Zelly said with tears coming from her eyes.
I sat and read the letter again because that nagging feeling was taking me over the edge.
It was the part where she said, "Don’t let the stresses of life control you, you control it.
” I heard that shit from somewhere. The fuck!
But where did I hear it? Something hit me like a ton of bricks, and I took off out of the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time.
I skipped the elevator because I felt like it would take too damn long to get me upstairs.
Once I got into my bedroom, I went into the closet and grabbed my messenger bag.
I quickly found what I was looking for and there it was the same damn quote.
The Luxe. That message was left in my bag by someone at the Luxe Hotel.
I ran back into my closet and packed an overnight bag because I won’t be leaving New York until I find out who this was.
Minutes later, I was walking into the kitchen to grab my keys.
“Where are you going? Zelly questioned.
“Whoever this is, left me an affirmation while I was staying there, and they have to work there because this was left in my messenger bag. That bag was only in my suite.”
“Ohhh shit. Okay, I’m gonna go with you because on some real shit, we don’t know what you’re walking into.
You are still who you are, and we have to be ten steps ahead of anything.
These niggas out here will do anything these days.
Getting attached like this has your guard down and emotions all over the place.
Shit, it has my emotions all over the place.
If it’s on the up and up, I’ll take a step back and let you deal with it.
But for now, we gon’ be ready for whatever,” she said, pulling her twin Glocks from her side and holdin them in her hand.
“Damn! I’m glad you on our team. But Z, you need to start wearing some damn sneakers or somethin’ ’cause them damn heels long ass hell,” Rome told her as we all headed for the door. I guess he was going with us, so I decided to drive my truck.
“That same heel can end up in a nigga eye fucking with me.” She smirked.
“Okay, proud Mary, I hear you. L, I’ma drive ’cause yo ass too damn emotional to be driving my ass,” he said, and I quickly switched with him.
He pulled out of the driveway, and ten minutes later we were on the expressway.
An hour into the drive, we had to get some gas, ’cause I damn sure forgot to have Mo gas my cars up for the week.
“Ohhhh, pull over on the next exit; they got a Bojangles.” Zelly pointed out.
“Hell yeah. Cause my ribs is touching, and Bojangles got some good ass chicken, especially when it’s hot.
And them Bo-berry biscuits is fye! I didn’t know they had Bojangles up here.
They mostly in southern states,” Rome added as he got off at the exit.
We grabbed the gas first and once we were done, we headed to the drive thru of Bojangles.
“Welcome to Bojangles, may I take your order?” The girl came through on the intercom.
“Get me a three-piece chicken finger meal, with fries, and a coke. Don’t forget the boberry’s,” Zelly told him.
“You want something, L?” He asked me.
“Nah. I’m good. But let’s make this shit quick.” I adjusted in my seat because I was ready to get to this damn hotel.
“Yeah. Let me get a three-piece chicken finger meal, with fries and coke. And let me get a three-piece regular chicken spicy, with fries and a coke. And let me get a six pack of them bo-berrys,” Rome said, placing their order.
“Uhhh, we don’t have regular chicken,” the lady replied.
“Da fuck she talkin’ bout?” he spat. “How long it’s gon’ be on the chicken?” he asked her.
“Infinity. We don’t sell regular chicken here,” she said, and my brow raised because these niggas was about to show out.
“The fuck you getting smart with! Bitch I will send you with that muthafuckin chicken, infinity that.” He pulled off and parked, and both him and Zelly hopped out the car.
“I should’ve left you niggas home. I got shit to do.” I groaned, walking behind them because it looked like I would have to be the voice of reason.
“Now what you was saying!” Rome spat, walking up to the counter, looking at the girl.
“Is there a problem?” The chick that looked as if she was a manager asked.
“Yeah. This bitch gotta a smart-ass mouth. All we was trying to do was order our food but she decided today was the day she wanted to rock with the devil! ’Cause that’s exactly who we the fuck are!
And how the fuck y’all don’t got no damn regular chicken?
Does Bojangles know y’all ain’t got no chicken?
Y’all done pissed me the fuck off wit that shit, I’ma report y’all half chicken selling asses! ” He shouted.
“On God!” Zelly blurted. I couldn’t believe these niggas was about to murder these people over chicken.
“Sir, we only sell chicken fingers and chicken sandwiches,” she said. “I’m sorry my cashier got out of hand. I can give you your meals for free.” She shrugged.
“Chicken fingers! Y’all niggas ain’t Canes.” Rome spat.
“Yeah, I don’t own the place. The owner said selling the chicken was way too expensive,” she said.
“Oh, this nigga need to shut down. Just let us get twelve chicken fingers, two fries, two cokes, some dirty rice, and that fresh pan of boberry’s he just put in the window,” this nigga said.