Chapter 25
Lacey
I t’s as though my brain just short-circuited when the words leave his mouth.
Did he just say…
No .
No, there’s no way he just called Daniel dad.
No. Fucking. Way.
I can feel the ground drop from under me when Daniel’s mouth falls open, guilt bleeding through his crumbling facade. It only takes an instant. Memories of the moment TJ told me about his father slam into me like a freight train.
It was the night after Sierra and I almost got kidnapped. We were lying in bed, still in shock over the hell we’d endured, and against all odds, TJ let slip that he’d been looking for his biological father.
TJ’s voice returns to me, echoing in the back of my head.
“I’ve spent my entire life wondering why he abandoned us. Was it another woman? Another family?”
Nothing could’ve prepared me for the emotional tidal wave wrapping me up when I piece it all together.
TJ found out that Daniel was my stepdad somehow. He knew who I was when he asked me to tutor him. He knew I’d been raised by his father since I was seven years old.
My mom was the other woman.
That’s why he inserted himself into my life—hell, it’s probably the only reason he even talked or looked at me.
“You blame me.” The truth slips from my mouth, coming out as a trembling whisper.
TJ’s eyes are full of tears, and his jaw is clenched so tight just looking at him hurts . I can tell I’m spot-on by the way he squeezes his eyes shut and breathes out through his nose, as if to keep himself in check.
My throat aches so much I can barely speak. “You think my mom and I ruined your life because we took your father away. You hate us for it, don’t you?”
TJ opens his bloodshot eyes and pins me with a look so heart-wrenching I nearly flinch and tear my gaze away.
Then he chokes out, “I did.”
I knew I was right, but somehow, hearing him confirm it only drives the knife deeper into my chest.
“I hated you…” He swallows hard. “…because I couldn’t accept that he chose you over us. I was a fucking idiot, Lace, so blinded by hatred I didn’t even stop to think that maybe…” His eyes dart to Daniel. “I was blaming the wrong person.”
I can’t make a sound. I can barely move a muscle. All I can do is watch TJ rip apart what’s left of my heart and curse the day I was stupid enough to entrust him with it.
“You didn’t do this, I know that now. You were just a kid when he abandoned us, like I was. But I knew I couldn’t hurt him like he hurt me, so I… I decided to hurt you instead.”
Overwhelming anger surges in my chest, washing away the festering sadness. “So what? Did you think I would never find out? You asked me to be your girlfriend. You had to know you’d meet my family, eventually. What the fuck were you thinking?”
He steps closer. “I know. I was crazy to think I could get away with it. Look, I’ve spent my entire childhood imagining what my dad’s new life was like. My mom told me he’d remarried and he had a stepdaughter, so I made up this false version of you in my head. Convinced myself you were this selfish, underserving brat. I didn’t want to even consider that you might be a good person, but, Lace, when I saw who you were… who you truly were… I knew I couldn’t go through with it.”
A scoff rips from my throat. “How big of you to have second thoughts about destroying my life. I’m flattered. Now, get out.”
His shoulders drop in disappointment, as though he was hoping his little speech would help his case.
“I didn’t know you then. I didn’t know your big fucking heart, or the way you blink when you lie, or your tendency to get annoyed when people don’t take care of themselves, even though all you ever do is sacrifice yourself for others. I didn’t know how funny you are, how smart you are. I didn’t know I would fall head over fucking heels in love with you, Lacey… Baby, please, we need to make this work. Please.”
A lone tear escapes his eye as he says that, and I have to look away so I don’t do something stupid like believe his lies.
“Go, please,” I croak, my own tears fighting to be released.
“I’m so sorry,” TJ breathes out.
I only know he’s gone when I hear the door close behind him.
TJ
Why is it that whenever we desperately want someone to reach out to us, everyone and their grandma reaches out except the person you want to talk to?
I must have received text messages from practically every person I know these past four days—Chance, Theo, Vera, even fucking Aaron—but nothing from Lacey.
Maybe it’s punishment for ruining the most beautiful thing in my life.
A text message from my aunt pops up on my phone at the same time I unlock it to make sure Lacey didn’t text me overnight.
Vera sent me two messages a few days ago.
Vera
Hey sweetie. I haven’t heard from you in a while.
Vera
Everything okay?
Then there’s her most recent one.
Vera
Kelsea just told me you’re going through something. She’s worried about you. Always here if you want to talk.
Kelsea told her what? Why has my sister been running her mouth? I’m fine… sort of.
And yeah, I might’ve spent my entire spring break locked in my room, but I certainly don’t need my teenage sister blabbing to my aunt like I’m some sort of heartbroken sap in need of an intervention.
I’m perfectly fine .
Voices erupt in the distance, accompanied by loud footsteps thundering down the hall, and I sit up in bed.
“I’m sorry for bothering you guys. I didn’t know what else to do. He hasn’t left his room in days.” I recognize my sister.
“Don’t apologize. You did the right thing,” a familiar voice answers.
I immediately know who’s standing outside of my bedroom.
Kelsea, you didn’t.
“He hasn’t eaten at all today. Or yesterday, for that matter.”
Loud knocks rattle my door the next second. I don’t say a word, hoping maybe my silence will deter them, but I’m out of fucking luck because they don’t wait to be let in before swinging the door open.
I only have enough time to cover up my junk—it got hot last night, and I didn’t want to get up to turn the heat down—before Theo and Chance come bursting inside my room like they own the place.
“Rise and shine, you heartbroken simp!” Theo blurts out and books it to my window to open the drapes.
The sunlight instantly fries my retinas, and I groan, blocking out the light with my hand. If I were able to see, I’d be giving my sister a death glare right now.
She called my friends.
She called my fucking friends .
“Jesus, man, your room smells like dead people,” Chance comments two steps into my bedroom.
“What are you guys doing here?” I drawl, squinting to try and make out their silhouettes through the lights.
“Pulling you out of a giant rut, what else?” Theo says.
I stare daggers through my sister’s forehead. “You called them?”
“You’ve barely eaten all week. Or showered.” She wrinkles her nose in disgust.
I don’t smell that bad, do I?
I shrug. “So? I’m fine.”
“Sierra told me about your falling out with Lacey. You’re not fine.” Kelsea calls me out.
I consider denying it but then figure there’s no point in lying to them. I’ve been busted.
“I needed some time to get through it. Sue me.”
Theo drops on the edge of my bed. “Except you’re not getting through it. You’re rotting.”
I fall back onto my bed with a sigh. “Let me rot in peace, then.”
“She hasn’t texted you back, huh?” Chance connects the dots.
I don’t reply, and ironically, that’s the answer he wanted.
“Well, come on, we’re going out,” Theo says.
“Where?” I grumble.
“Anywhere that’s not here,” Theo declares before rising off my bed. “You have fifteen minutes to shower and get dressed. If we have to come back and get you, we’re dragging you out by the balls.”
With that said, all three of them exit my room and close the door.
Well…
I guess we’re going out .
“Holy shit, that’s… a lot,” Theo comments the second I finish spilling my guts.
Suddenly, I’m not sure telling them the whole story was a good idea. In my defense, these two were like dogs with a bone. They haven’t stopped hounding me with questions about the Lacey debacle since we got to their house an hour ago.
I slouch into the couch with a scoff. “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
“It sucks. About your mom.” Chance’s voice is ridden with pity.
It’s sickening. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them about her either. I’d never told anyone before, precisely because I didn’t want people’s pity.
“You should tell Lacey,” Chance adds.
“It wouldn’t change anything. She’s done with me.”
“That’s it? You’re just going to give up? You’re not even going to try to get her to forgive you?” Theo asks.
I cringe. “You didn’t see the way she looked at me when she found out about Daniel. She practically kicked me out of her house.”
“To be fair, you deserved it.” Theo grabs a pillow on his couch and lobs it at my head. “I specifically told you not to hurt her, man. You promised.”
“Just like you promised not to get back together with Ashley?” I fire back.
He’s one to talk. No one’s broken more promises than Theo has—granted, they were promises he’d made to himself, but still .
“Dude, low blow,” Chance scolds.
I throw my head back with a sigh. “Sorry, I’m on edge.”
“What now? Are you going to try to win her back?” Chance asks.
I groan. “Why are we still talking about her? Wasn’t the whole point of getting me out of the house so that I wouldn’t have to ruminate about her?”
“Hey, we got your mind off her for five hours, didn’t we?” Theo points out.
He’s right. I’ve got to give them credit for making me feel human again—however brief as it might’ve been. I didn’t think getting out of bed would help at first, but they managed to distract me from the giant mess I’ve made.
We went for a ride, stopped by the arcades, got some junk food, and now we’re at Theo and Chance’s house, playing video games on the couch.
Aaron’s still on vacation. Lucky for him. The fucker better buckle up because he’s in for a rough ride when he gets back.
And it’s not even that I blame him for spilling my secret. He was right—she was bound to find out eventually, but it’s the way he went about it.
The way he humiliated Lacey in front of all of our friends while wasted out of his mind. He was so eager to bust me he didn’t even stop to think about how it would affect her. Now, that will earn him a black eye. Or two.
“It’s time you stop running and face your shit head-on. Tell her everything. She deserves to know,” Theo declares.
“How can I when she won’t even talk to me?”
“Do you love her?” Theo asks the million-dollar question.
My answer is a no-brainer. “Yes.”
A smile lifts the corners of his mouth. “Then you keep trying. I don’t care how long it takes.”
I’m probably delusional, but his speech convinces me to reach out one more time. I unlock my phone and select our conversation.
That’s when I see them.
The moving dots at the bottom of the screen.
She’s already typing a message.
At first, I think all the sleepless nights have gotten to my brain and I’m hallucinating.
I keep my eyes firmly on the moving dots as though I’m convinced that they’re going to disappear at any moment.
And then… they do.
My stomach drops.
What was she going to say? Why did she change her mind about sending that message?
Relief fills my chest when the dots pop up again a moment later.
Then my phone chimes with a text.
Lacey
We need to talk. Can you come over?
I’ve never pushed to my feet so fast in my life.
“I need to go home to get my car. Lacey wants to talk,” I tell the guys.
I’ve already typed a reply by the time Theo nods and rises off the couch.
Then I press Send.
TJ
I’m on my way.
Ever heard the phrase, “when something seems too good to be true, it usually is”?
Well, those words have never rung truer than they do right now.
Call me pessimistic, but when my car comes to an abrupt stop in front of Lacey’s house, the only question in my mind is, “What’s the catch?”
Just a few days ago, she was looking at me like I was dead to her, and now she suddenly wants to talk? Maybe she’s ready to forgive you , the hopeful side of me argues, but I know better than to think winning back her trust will be easy.
All I know is I have to try and fix this, however long it takes. I could have been on death’s doorstep, and I still would’ve shown up today.
I can hear my heart drumming in my ears as I make my way up her driveway toward the front door.
I’ve tried to come up with a few solid lines and apologies on the way here, but nothing I concoct seems to be enough to make me forgive myself , let alone make her forgive me.
The truth is, I wouldn’t forgive me either.
I hold my breath before ringing the doorbell.
Footsteps thump on the other side of the door, and the anticipation twists my stomach into a big bag of knots. I release the breath previously caught in my chest when she appears in the doorway.
She’s as beautiful as ever, wearing her hair down, a Duke University hoodie, and a pair of black leggings. She’s not wearing any makeup, not that she usually wears a lot, but the circles beneath her eyes tell me she hasn’t been sleeping well either.
She doesn’t smile when she sees me, or react, for that matter. She looks empty. Completely drained.
You did that.
You broke her.
I have no idea what to say, so I opt for a simple “Hey.”
She opens the door fully and steps aside. “Hey. Thanks for coming.”
I nudge the door shut as soon as I’ve entered the house, and Lacey takes off toward the kitchen, gesturing for me to follow.
“I’m surprised you reached out, to be honest. I didn’t think you’d be ready to hear me out so soon,” I say to fill the awkward silence.
“I’m not,” she says, shattering all of my hopes and delusions in one fell swoop.
Called it. I knew it was too good to be true.
“This isn’t about us,” she adds before turning the corner and walking into the kitchen.
That’s when I see him.
My father.
Sitting at the kitchen table with a serious expression on his face. My body immediately pulls the panic cord, my legs forbidding me from taking another step.
I’m not sure what the hell Lacey was trying to accomplish by asking me here, but it better not be peace and reconciliation because I have no intention of forgiving the motherfucker for abandoning us when I was seven years old.
“Hi, Mathias,” Daniel says, and my fists contract at my sides, pain and anger bubbling in my chest.
“What’s he doing here?” I say through clenched teeth.
“You two have a lot to talk about,” Lacey answers in a flat voice. She doesn’t sound like herself. It’s as though she cried until there wasn’t a trace of emotion left in her system. “You should sit down.”
I scoff. “Like hell.”
“TJ, this is important. Sit down. Please ,” she insists, taking a seat at the table herself.
I must be more desperate than I thought because I actually consider it. For some reason, I get the feeling that what I do next will determine whether or not Lacey and I make it in the end.
I drop onto the chair next to Lacey with a sigh, my eyes burning with anger as I stare Daniel up and down. He’s changed. He doesn’t have a beard anymore, for one. His hair is also shorter than I remember, and his face bears more wrinkles. I almost didn’t recognize him that time he and Lacey had lunch at the Grill House. I was working the bar that day, and even though I’d found out Lacey was his stepdaughter a few weeks prior when I was doing some digging, it was the first time I’d seen them together with my own eyes.
“Just spit it out,” I hiss, slouching into my seat. “Whatever half-assed apology you’ve got prepared, just say it so we can get this over with.”
Daniel looks torn. Hell, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he looks like he’s hurt. Like seeing me sitting there in front of him is hurting him.
He proceeds to inhale and exhale a deep breath, as if to prepare himself.
Then he cuts to the chase. “I’m aware that this isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, so before I tell you, I just need you to know that I never would’ve left you and your sister if I’d had a choice.”
Is this a joke?
“Wow… I figured you were going to try and avoid taking accountability, but playing the victim? Now, that’s on a whole other level.”
“I’m not trying to play the victim, Mathias. But I’m also not the villain you think I am.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“I’m sorry, I wish you didn’t have to find out this way, but I…” He can barely bring himself to say it. “…I’m not your father.”
The news hits me so hard it momentarily knocks me out of my body.
I’m not your father.
I’m not your father.
I’m not your father.
His words echo in my head like a broken record. My brain’s concocted a million scenarios since the day he left. I imagined a million different apologies and a million different excuses, but never… not once in my entire life, did I imagine that he’d say that.
“What?” I choke out, my breathing quickening as I glance at Lacey for confirmation.
I don’t know if I believe him. I have no fucking idea what to believe, but I do know that I can trust her. I can trust Lacey, even though when it mattered the most, she couldn’t trust me.
Emotions trickle back into her eyes, and for a short moment, I recognize the girl I love. The one who didn’t always have her walls up in my presence. I don’t even need to speak for her to know what I’m asking.
In response, she gives a small nod.
Holy fucking shit .
It’s true.
“That’s why I left. Because I found out your mother was having an affair with her boss.”
No.
No, that’s impossible.
My mom worked at a luxurious hotel. She was a maid there. We met her boss multiple times over the years. When she would bring us to work with her because she couldn’t afford a babysitter.
His name was Samuel. He was married with three children, all boys. Kelsea and I would play with them at Christmas parties. Samuel was always so kind. He’d give me and Kelsea all sorts of presents.
“Your mom and I got along, and her parents approved of me because I was in law school, but it wasn’t… She didn’t love me like she loved Samuel. He was your father, Mathias. But he didn’t want his wife to find out he’d gotten his employee pregnant. He strung your mother along for years, promising that he’d tell his wife but never going through with it.
“He refused to give your mom a penny because his wife had access to all of their accounts. He knew she’d find out. Your mom would’ve believed anything he said. He was loaded. She dreamed of the lifestyle he could give all of you.”
“H-How did you find out?” I ask.
“It started after Kelsea was born. Your mom and I weren’t sexually active during that time, but somehow, she kept getting pregnant. I lied to myself for a while. Telling myself she was just very fertile and the few times we had sex a year were enough to conceive, but it just didn’t add up. Then I suggested that she get the IUD because I was still in law school, and I barely had the means to take care of myself, let alone two kids. She agreed. I think she could tell I was starting to get suspicious. And then…” He pauses like he can’t bear to tell me the rest.
“Then what?” I press.
“Then her boss died of a heart attack.”
Oh my God.
He’s right.
I remember we went to his funeral. I was so young I didn’t think much of it, but it’s true. He died out of nowhere. And it shocked everyone. If what he’s saying is true, then that means my biological father is dead.
Not only that, but it also means I have three half-brothers somewhere out there.
“He was forty-two. Quite young, and no one expected it. It was right around the time I started to question if you were my kids. Your mom swore you were, but I still had my doubts. You didn’t look like me at all. Then I found out she’d gotten her IUD removed without telling me. She would try and initiate sex a lot more, too. I think maybe she thought by the time I did find out you weren’t mine, I would’ve gotten her pregnant for real, and maybe I wouldn’t leave. The truth is, she wanted me for financial support. Because Samuel was gone. And she knew she couldn’t provide for both of you without me.”
For all I know, he’s just making shit up so he doesn’t have to look like the bad guy.
This doesn’t sound like my mom. My mom was kind, considerate. She was smart. She wasn’t a manipulator willing to do the unthinkable to get some money.
“That was the last straw for me. I asked her for a paternity test. Then she confessed to everything. She admitted to the affair and begged me not to leave, but I was so angry at her I couldn’t stand to go on like nothing happened. You were around seven then, and you didn’t understand why I left so suddenly. I didn’t know what to do.”
A bitter laugh escapes me. “So, you just never came back? You’d raised us our entire lives, and you still left without blinking.”
“That’s not true! After I had some time to digest the news, I tried to come back. I knew there was no way I was getting back together with your mom, but I still wanted to be in your lives. By then, she was filled with rage and grief over Samuel. It was like she was mad at the world. She refused to let me see you unless I agreed to get back together with her. It was either I pay for everything the way I did before, or she’d never let me see you and Kelsea again. I didn’t mind helping her out, but I couldn’t go on paying for everything like nothing ever happened. And yes, I know it sounds stupid. Like I gave you up for money, but there’s also the fact that I had no rights. You weren’t mine. Legally, I couldn’t demand to see you, and she knew that. She used it against me.
“Looking back, I realize I should’ve fought harder. I loved you like you were my own. I should’ve given her more money, to hell with the consequences. I’m sorry, Mathias. I’m so sorry.”
I can’t speak. Hell, I can’t even breathe right now, the thoughts spinning in my head giving me a migraine.
“Shortly after that, I met Lacey’s mom. I still didn’t stop trying to see you. But as time went on, it occurred to me that coming back into your life when you were older would mean having to tell you the truth about your mom. It would mean potentially ruining your perspective of her. She was your everything. You adored her. I didn’t want you to think of her differently, and so… eventually, I just stopped trying. I decided to leave the past in the past and embrace my new life. But from that day on, I promised myself I would never let something as stupid as money keep me from my kids ever again, and that’s why?—”
“That’s why you’ve been helping me out financially.” Lacey connects the dots. “Because you still blame yourself for leaving them.”
“Because I realized it doesn’t matter if you’re biologically mine. The two of you might not be my flesh and blood… but you’re my heart.”
My throat aches so much it’s impossible to swallow.
This isn’t happening. It can’t be.
Daniel turns to me. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize that sooner. And I know you have no reason to believe me, but there’s nothing I want more than to be a part of your life again. I never stopped caring about you and Kelsea. Never stopped checking in on you, even from a distance. I just… If you’re open to it, I’d love to make things right.”
His apology is my breaking point. I know I’m seconds away from losing it, and I won’t be able to keep it together unless I get out of here. Now.
Everything I thought I knew was wrong.
All this energy I’ve wasted being angry at my father for leaving… I’ve driven myself mad for years, wondering why Kelsea and I weren’t enough.
I push to my feet so fast it startles them both. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
I want to scream, break shit, cry until my voice gives out, but I need to be alone to do it. I need to be somewhere she won’t see me.
Where no one can see me.
“TJ!” Lacey calls behind me, but I’m already booking it to the front door.
I can’t bring myself to turn around, swinging the door open and rushing out of the house. I can hear Lacey’s footsteps thundering in the distance, but I don’t stop.
I’m halfway to my car when she catches up to me, her hand wrapping around my bicep.
“TJ, wait!”
She spins me around, forcing me to look at her. My eyes hurt from holding back the tears, and she must see it because her emotionless facade immediately crumbles.
“I’m so sorry you had to find out this way,” she says.
I can’t maintain the eye contact, staring blankly ahead of me.
“Are you going to be okay?” she croaks, her voice thick with worry.
Not so long ago, I would’ve jumped in front of a moving train if it meant knowing that she still cared about me, but my head is too messed up for me to be happy about her chasing after me right now.
“No,” I admit.
It’s as though the barrier between us just collapsed and hit the ground. She doesn’t hesitate, throwing her arms around me for a hug. I want to hug her back. But I also don’t want to hold her, knowing it might be the last time.
It’s a miracle I manage not to break down when she squeezes me tighter.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers.
“No, it’s not.” I separate from her, backing away. “You don’t get it. I’ve spent my whole life hating him. Hating you . You and your mom. I convinced myself he was a monster, but it turns out… the monster is my mom.”
“Don’t say that. She’s not a monster,” she says to make me feel better when, in fact, she has no idea.
I thought I knew my mom better than anyone. Now, I’m not so sure.
I shove a frantic hand through my hair. “Fuck, I ruined everything. I destroyed the only good thing in my life to avenge a woman who couldn’t even be bothered to tell us the fucking truth.”
I only realize I’ve said too much when Lacey’s face twists with shock. “What do you mean avenge her?”
Why did I say that? Fuck, I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
I know she’s not going to let it go when she follows up with, “Oh my God, TJ. Is she… is your mom?—”
“I… I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”
She doesn’t argue, watching me unlock my car with the key fob and drop into the driver’s seat.
All I can hear as I take off at full speed is the sound of my entire world crashing down around me, along with my old life.
And every good memory I have of my mom.