Chapter 12
My friend,
When next I see you, you’ll be lauded as the diamond of the season. They’ll all see the shine that glows there, when you don’t dull it and let it emanate. Maybe not a diamond at all, but an ember. The same white satin dress as all the others, but with a heart of fire. Don’t let it flicker. For me.
Your friend, V
The sounds floated down the stairs from the throne room, steady and melodic, filling Noelle’s chest with the pounding beat of the music, the soft keen of winds and strings.
The pounding beat, that was her own heart, she realized, putting a hand to her bosom.
She took both hands and straightened her ivory gown again.
She felt a gentle, steadying hand at her elbow. Jasper.
She looked up at him.
“You look like the beautiful young lady I know, but a little shinier tonight. Take courage, Noelle. I’ll be next to you the whole time if you get overwhelmed.”
She took a deep breath. Kathleen pulled her in for an embrace, her long silk gloves moved up and down Noelle’s back soothingly. She hugged just like their mother had, she wore the same perfume and had the same gold and auburn hair.
Oh god, not now. Why had she thought of her mother right now?
Noelle’s eyes welled with tears.
“It’s alright, I miss her and father too. That’s why I brought you these.”
Kathleen slipped a strand of pearls around her sister’s neck.
Their mother’s pearls. For months she’d thought about how cruel it felt that she’d put off her season while her mother was alive, saying she wasn’t ready; and now her mother was not here by her side for this.
The offered pearls felt like Kathleen knew how very much she wanted their mother here on the night of her debut.
“Thank you,” she breathed, fighting sentimental tears with a long, fortifying inhale.
She took Jasper’s arm, leaning on his strong arm and his confidence, and walked into the great hall.
“You’re not wearing your spectacles,” he observed.
“Good thing I have you to lean on.”
“You’d have still been every bit the debutante with them on,” he said, giving her a smile that told her he had meant every word. Jasper could be cross and moody, but he always told the truth.
When the doors opened, all Noelle could see was a whirl of sensations, a haze of white and gold.
White dresses with wide skirts, silk gloves, feathers towering atop feminine heads, flowers arranged in golden vessels, neatly tied snow-colored cravats.
Gold chandeliers, filigree, urns, jewels, and gilt.
Gossamer and vellum and satin and champagne.
Even the liveried servants were adorned in gold.
She focused on the girl in front of her and adjusted her pace.
Noelle towered over the girl, over many of the other debutantes.
Many assessing eyes in the throne room weighed her in that genteel, judging way of theirs.
Her age, her family’s losses and scandals, her height, her reputation for being bookish and a wallflower…
they all made her feel so conspicuous in her demure white gown.
She could hear her skittish heartbeat echoing in her eardrums.
The voices around her were indistinguishable; but the music, the music propelled her forward.
Jasper’s arm steered her, he was her tether.
Before she knew it, the girl directly in front of her was curtsying in front of the queen.
Her Majesty Queen Victoria looked radiant.
She was likely not much older than some of the debutantes themselves, but every bit a goddess with an ermine-lined train draped elegantly over her gown.
Noelle had only met her one other time besides the funeral, when her mother had been interviewed to serve as one of her ladies-in-waiting.
Even as she and her Majesty had corresponded, Noelle had a hard time picturing the face of the woman who’d listened and encouraged and counseled her like a friend.
The petite girl in front of Noelle bowed. Her tiara moved slightly askance. She handled herself admirably. Across Noelle’s line of vision on the other side of the girl, was him.
The smile that spread across his face when she recognized him was pure sunshine.
It warmed her entire being with sparks of light and fuses of hope.
At Brookevale Park, he’d driven her to the brink of madness, and then he’d done the unthinkable and kissed her at the coaching inn.
When she arrived in London, she found he’d written her a letter; her foolish heart again flitting at his handwriting and the smell of him still lingering on the parchment.
It had only conveyed a few words:
I’ll be the one wearing black and white, and a smile. I’ll be looking for you to claim my dance. Hope you practiced your quadrille, Princess.
F
PS- Don’t trip.
The first letter she’d received addressed from him wasn’t a declaration of intent.
She wasn’t even sure what to read into it, if that was even wise.
Still, she couldn’t deny her reaction. His figure in elegant formal attire hardly seemed the same as every other man in attendance, highlighting his strong form. He smiled at her and nodded once.
She stepped forward and made an elegant curtsy in front of her queen.
Noelle hadn’t noticed before how small the queen was, she was easily several inches taller; yet the set of Queen Victoria’s dainty shoulders and features conveyed a power that she, Noelle, had never felt.
Awe, rather, than envy, flooded through her.
She held in her breath, bowing as low as she was taught and as low as the wide circle of her skirts would allow.
The queen made a smile of approval and dismissed her.
She could hardly tear her gaze from the regal woman in front of her.
Noelle retreated to the familiar side of her older brother to usher her to whatever destination awaited them next.
She had rehearsed this moment and still had no idea what came after, and not merely because she couldn’t see.
She had her older brother to rely on for that.
“Well done,” he breathed down at her. He was smiling at her with pride.
She found Moria, wiping a tear from her eye, as Kathleen gave her a wink. Unfairly, Noelle thought, she’s even lovely when she’s crying. If anyone could accomplish that, Moria could.
Beside her, Lawrence nodded his approval, looking not the least surprised. She had had her doubts that she could pull this off. But these people who called her their little sister, they had believed it of her all along.