Eleventh Grade
CARTER
Subject: Some Advice for Your Date Tonight.
Please don’t embarrass yourself by wearing a goddamn sweater.
Sincerely,
Carter
Subject: Re: Some Advice for Your Date Tonight.
Please don’t embarrass yourself by talking for more than five seconds at a time.
So not sincerely,
Arizona
Subject: In All Seriousness …
Where is your date taking you? Do you have a curfew?
Sincerely,
Carter
Subject: Re: In All Seriousness …
Since he’s a TRUE gentleman and not just into sex like someone unfortunate I know …
He’s taking me on a “whirlwind” date. (Every girl at school is talking about these btw.) First, he’s taking me to see a movie in the VIP section of Waldman’s Theater.
Then, we’re going to Sandcastle to watch fireworks over ice cream …
Then we’re going to walk down the pier at sunset and get tattoos before a little stargazing to end the night. (Take notes. THIS is how it’s done.)
Where are you taking Monica? No, wait. Let me guess. Since she’s already told you that she’s looking forward to having sex and just wants to do something simple …
A movie and Burger King?
Get more creative,
Arizona
Subject: Re: Re: In All Seriousness …
A movie and McDonalds.
Sincerely,
Carter
As it turned out, Ari was more than right about that “whirlwind date” thing.
The second I picked up my date—Monica, who was ironically wearing a sweater said, “I’m so grateful you’re not like other guys, Carter …
I don’t have to dress like a model to impress you and I’m sure you’re not really taking me to a drive-in movie and a burger place like all the other guys I’ve been with … ”
Of course, not …
I googled “cheap whirlwind date,” and pretended as if I’d planned to take her on one all along. I took her to a free art gallery and to Zapas—a restaurant a step above fast food fare. Then, because I was such a “nice guy,” I took her to a private park.
When we returned to the parking lot, her true intentions began to surface. As soon as we got into my car, her arms went around my neck and her lips were against mine.
I reclined my seat and pulled her into my lap, rolling my windows all the way up.
She straddled me, kissing me harder, as I ran my fingers through her hair. I slipped my hand underneath her sweater, running my fingers along the clasp of her bra. Before I could take things any further, my phone rang.
I ignored it, letting it continue to sound off in my pocket.
Monica moaned against my mouth, and my phone rang again, but I ignored it once more. Surely it was a misdial, and it couldn’t have been anyone important; the people closest to me knew I was on a date.
Unsnapping Monica’s bra, I palmed her breasts in my hands.
My phone rang louder, again and again.
Groaning, I gently lifted Monica out of my lap and placed her in the passenger seat. “Give me one second.” I kissed her lips again before taking out the phone to see who it was.
Ari …
“This better be a goddamn national emergency …” I held the phone up to my ear.
“It is …” She was crying. Hard. “It fucking is …”
“Whoa. Hold up.” I changed my tone. “What’s going on? Why are you crying?”
“I’m sorry for calling instead of texting during your date, but …”
“But what?”
“After you take Monica home—whatever time that may be, could you please come get me?”
“Where are you?”
“Waldman Theater …”
“The one near the bookstore?”
“No,” she said. “The one by the airport …”
What? “Where is Elliott?”
“Gone … He left me here.” She sniffled. “I’m perfectly fine … Just wanted to get a ride, since the buses don’t come out here. Oh, and before you ask, yes, I’ll definitely give you gas money for driving all the way out here.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you for gas money.”
“It was a joke …” She sniffled again. “Will you be able to get me?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks. See you later.” She hung up, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give Monica my full attention right now, even if I tried.
I buckled my pants and cranked the engine. “Something important just came up. We’ll have to finish this later …”
“Aww!” She blushed as she readjusted her bra. “You really are a gentleman! You want to wait until the second date for us to have sex. I was so going to sleep with you today, but it’s cute that you want to hold off for a bit!”
Fuckkkk, Ari …
I dropped Monica off in record time, with her promising a “more satisfying night” next weekend, and began the long drive to the airport area. I passed exit after exit, wondering what type of argument must have transpired between Ari and Elliott, for him to leave her in the middle of nowhere.
Why the hell would anyone do that?
When I pulled up to the theater, Ari was sitting on a bench with a bucket of popcorn in her lap—looking at her phone. I pulled up to the curb and got out of the car.
“Hey …” I said.
“Hey …” She didn’t look up as I sat next to her. “I hope you didn’t cut your date short because of this.”
“There were a few other reasons …”
“Oh?” She looked at me and I noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, that there were tears falling down her face.
“Yeah …” I untied the silk headband she was wearing and pressed it against her cheeks. “Turns out she wanted a whirlwind date, too. She also thought I was a complete gentleman, so she wore a sweater.”
“Bahahaha!” She burst into laughter and I caught the popcorn bucket before it could fall to the concrete. “Oh god! I am … I am … Bahahahaha! That’s what you get for trying to sleep with every girl possible.”
“Glad my night of epic failure could make you laugh.” I waited for her to stop. “What happened to yours?”
“Turns out, you were right …”
“About?”
“Guys our age are really only interested in sex …” She paused, looking at me.
“Okay …” I said. “Are you going to tell me the rest of the story, or are you waiting for something?”
“I’m waiting for you to say what you’re supposed to say. You know, that’s not true, Ari. All guys our age aren’t only interested in sex.”
I blinked.
“Ugh.” She shook her head. “He tried to put a move on me in the theater and I mean … I went along with it at first because he’s a really good kisser. I mean a really, really good kisser. He does this thing with his tongue where he kind of—”
“Can we bypass all the flattery parts for the asshole who left you in the middle of nowhere, please?”
“Right …” She snapped out of it. “As we were kissing, he started slipping his hands under my dress and you know …”
“Fingering you?”
“Yes … Fingering me, and um …”
I raised my eyebrow, waiting for her to finish.
“It felt good, but awkward, you know? So, I asked him to stop and he did. We watched the rest of the movie and he just kissed me here or there. After the movie, we got into his car and I started to ask him if he wanted to get dinner, since we had a few hours before the fireworks, but he started kissing and fingering me again and um …”
I pressed the scarf against her cheeks again.
“When I told him to stop this time, he got mad. He said he was tired of spending so much money on me without getting anything in return. He said he would only continue our date, if I promised he would finally get to fuck me by the end of the night.”
I sighed.
“So, I told him I couldn’t promise him that, and he said he couldn’t promise to finish our date either.
Then he made me get out of his car and sped off, but not before saying, ‘Thanks for wasting six months of my life …” Tears fell down her face again.
“I should’ve believed you … I should’ve known. ”
“No, that’s not it,” I said. “He’s just an asshole.” I sent a quick text to my newest friend, Josh, regarding Elliot and tried to calm Ari down again. “I actually think it’s kind of cool that you want to hold on to your virginity until you’re ready.”
“Really? You think so?”
“No.” I couldn’t keep a straight face with that lie. “But it’s honorable. Lame as hell, but honorable.”
“Have I mentioned that you’re a dickhead this week already?”
“You just did.” I smiled and pulled her up—walking her to my car.
“On the plus side, at least I’ll get some sleep tonight and have energy to last through tomorrow’s bake sale.”
“Like hell you will.” I cranked the engine. “I’m not letting a Saturday night go to waste, especially since I have blue balls already. We’re both going to do something so this night won’t be a complete bust.” I veered onto the highway. “Where was lover-boy supposed to take you after the movie?”
“Sandcastle for fireworks.”
“Ugh. And after that?”
“Gourmet ice cream.”
“Jesus … And after that?”
“Tattoos.”
“Okay, we can do all of that, but only if we get tattoos first. I’ll need some pain to focus on to get through the rest of that shit.”
“Deal,” she said. “Now, tell me more about Monica’s sweater. That was a joke, right?”
“I wish, my friend. I fucking wish …” I gave her the play by play of my night—every moment in detail, and by the time I was done, we’d arrived at Hot Needle.
“Were you planning on getting ‘Ari and Elliott forever’?” I looked over at her. “I hope you now know that would’ve been a terrible idea.”
“I was going to get a key and a pen.”
“Yes, to the key. No, to the pen.”
“Okay, Dad.” She rolled her eyes. “What are you getting?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled a box of beer from underneath my seat. “Ask me after I’ve had four or five of these. You can have two.”
“How very generous of you.”
“I am, since you’re a lightweight.”
“If you drink all of those, I’m not letting you drive back.” She took my keys and put them in her purse. “We’ll call a cab to get home, and I’ll take the bus with you tomorrow to get your car back.”
“Deal,” I said. “So, seeing as though we’ll be able to see the fireworks from here, we can get your dreamy ice cream at a parlor after the tattoos. Wait a minute. I’ve never seen you eat any ice cream. I thought you only ate yogurt?”
“I do.” She shrugged. “Elliot is the one who loves ice cream.”
“Okay, forget that.” I opened a beer. “Yogurt it is. I don’t like ice cream that much either, you know.”
“Unless you’re after a girl who likes it?”
“Exactly. That changes my ‘likes and non-likes’ list instantly.”
She laughed. “Why am I friends with you again?”
“Because no one else will put up with you.”
An hour later, after we’d chugged nearly all of the beers, we stumbled into the tattoo parlor, trying our best to play sober. Laughing at nothing at all, we happily handed them our fake IDs and design ideas.
She stuck to her key and pen, and I decided to let the designer have free reign on my right arm.
I didn’t even realize what exactly he’d drawn until the next morning, when a snooty kid walked up to me on the bus and asked me why I had the State of Arizona on my arm …