Track 32. New Year’s Day
RACHEL
A few weeks after he joined me on ‘Semester at Sea’
Dear Rachel,
I know exactly what you’re doing right now.
You’re not fooling anyone, and I can see right through your acting. (You’re not sick AT ALL, and you have to stop faking these coughing spells during our master class hours.)
Forget You,
Ethan
P.S.—Why didn’t you tell me how terrible the water pressure was on this ship? I vividly remember a particular letter you sent me a while ago about how “amazing” and “spa-like” it was. It feels like a goddamn dripping faucet.
Dear Ethan,
I’m confused. What are you talking about? (I know that I’m not sick. I’m giving you the signal. The ‘I would like to have sex right now’ signal.)
Forget You,
Rachel
P.S.—I only told you that to make you jealous, since you mentioned taking some girl to “The Four Seasons” for an entire weekend during our junior year. You have to use the showers on deck five. Just go when the administrators are in their midday meeting.
Dear Rachel,
You’re a terrible actress. (I’ll meet you in my room in twenty minutes.)
Forget You,
Ethan
P.S.—I made that up. (I was already jealous.) Wait. What? Are you saying that you go into their rooms when they’re not in there? Just to take a decent hot shower?
Dear Ethan,
(Okay, I’ll start coughing a little harder in like three minutes and leave class first.)
Forget You,
Rachel
P.S.—Yeah. Just once a week, though. The water pressure in their rooms is PHENOMENAL. Also, their bathrooms are disconnected from their suites. Technically, I’m not going into their rooms, you know? It’s only a problem, if you get caught. I’ll give you all the passcodes later.
Dear Ethan AND Rachel,
Can you please stop using our ship’s limited Wi-Fi to send these dumbass notes to each other during master class hours? You do realize that everyone in this room can SEE all of your messages via the class chat system, right? We’ve seen them EVERY DAY since Ethan joined us on this ship!
Forget BOTH of you,
Professor Max
P.S.—Rachel, I’ll need you to meet me during my office hours tomorrow morning to discuss this ‘stealing showers’ business...
Dear Ethan,
Do you think we can find a way to adjust the privacy settings on this chat, or no?
Forget You,
Rachel