Ava Reynolds
The ride back to Sincere’s place was quiet because we were both tired and tipsy. My feet hurt in my heels. But I was scared to take them off because I knew my feet would swell if I did, and I wouldn’t be able to put them back on when I got out of the car.
Outside, snow fell in soft sheets. It was only early November, and it already looked and felt like it was the dead of winter.
Sincere leaned forward over the wheel, with his shoulders tense and hands at ten and two.
“We shouldn’t have had that last shot,” I said, watching his knuckles tighten as the car slid a little on a turn. Luckily, his fancy ass car corrected itself and merged back into the correct lane.
“We shouldn’t have had the last three. And I definitely shouldn’t have driven. We should have just took an Uber back. You shouldn’t drive your car home tonight. You should Uber or sleep at my house until you sober up or until the roads clear.”
“I agree.”
I had pregamed for the party at Sincere’s house and rode with him to the estate, leaving my car in his driveway.
The heater blew warm air up my legs, and the heated seats massaged my back. My body relaxed in the seat even as my brain stayed on high alert, tracking every small slide of the tires on the slick street.
“The party was a lot.” I could tell that he was trying to start a conversation to keep himself awake.
“It was. Seeing Slick and Ace say they’re sitting down… I don’t know. It’s good. It’s sad. It’s… a lot, like you said.”
“Yeah. It won’t be the same without them around as much.”
I turned my head to study his profile. The streetlights painted his face in gold and shadows. He looked tipsy, but angelic. “Sterling and Eloise would be proud of you too.”
His jaw flexed for a second. “I hope so.”
We fell quiet again as the radio played something soft and sexy. My eyelids felt heavy, but my mind wouldn’t sit still. It kept bouncing between the memory of Saint and Zahra on the dance floor, Legend with his hand on Aria’s back, Tempo laughing with Big A, and Livia tucked under Icon’s arm.
All of them had somebody and a home to call their own.
Sincere turned onto his block and pulled into his driveway. The tires crunched slowly over the thin layer of snow.
He shifted into park but didn’t turn the car off. For a moment, we just sat there with the engine humming and the snow falling on the windows.
“You okay?” he asked again, but softer this time.
I let out a slow breath. “I don’t know. It was a good night. But it’s also… Watching everybody you love have somebody to go home with and knowing I’m going to a guest room alone is a… lonely feeling.”
His hand rested on his thigh. I stared at it, then forced my eyes up. “You’re not alone there.”
“I know, and I’m grateful. Saint and Zahra have done more for me than I can ever repay. Sometimes I still feel like I’m just… floating, like my life isn’t as fulfilled as everyone else’s around me. I’m not in school anymore. I’m single. I’m living in my sister’s house with her husband.”
He looked at me. “After everything that happened to you, you’re still you and showing up for people. That’s not floating. That’s fighting.”
“You say nice things when you’re drunk,” I teased.
“I say nice things to you all the time. You just don’t always listen.”
We smiled at each other, and then the smile faded out into something else. The car felt smaller and warmer suddenly. Then, it felt too quiet, even with the radio on.
His eyes dropped to my mouth for half a second. My heart picked up. I should have looked away, but I didn’t.
He leaned in just a little. Not all the way, just close enough that I could feel his breath and smell the faint mix of liquor and mint on it, close enough that if I moved an inch, our lips would brush.
“Ava,” he summoned with a tone that set me on fire, even in the midst of the falling snow.
“Sincere,” I nearly moaned.
I could no longer breathe, wondering if the moment I had been fantasizing about was about to suddenly happen.
Part of me was so hungry for it. I wanted to forget every rule for one second and see what it felt like to finally be with the man of my dreams. The other part kept seeing Zahra, Tempo, Aria, and Livia’s face.
I pulled back first.
“We can’t,” I blurted.
He paused, then leaned back slowly, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Yeah… I know.”
My heart hammered. My cheeks burned. I stared down at my hands knotted in my lap.
“I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to.
I just… I can’t do that to Tempo or the rest of the family.
Tempo’s like my sister, and even though she’s moved on, it wouldn’t look right, and I would never want to hide anything from them. ”
“I agree.”
I took a breath and decided I might as well be honest. “I’ve always had feelings for you, even when you were with Tempo and especially after. I just kept it to myself because I knew it was wrong.”
He stared at me with eyes softer than I expected. “I know.”
Embarrassed, I flinched. “How?”
He shrugged a shoulder so casually that it furthered my embarrassment. “I pay attention, and I’m not blind.”
We didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then he sighed. “I’ve known all along, but I also knew that you were keeping it to yourself out of respect for Tempo. I never mentioned anything for the same reason. I only tried to kiss you because I’m drunk and… honestly, I need some pussy.”
Gasping, I turned my head sharply towards him. “Wow, Jerk! So, you’re not attracted to me at all? You just saw me as an ‘easy target’?”
He shook his head adamantly, but I was still hurt. “Of course, I’m attracted to you. You’re beautiful. You know that. I’d have to be dead not to see it.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I muttered, stung.
“I’m being real. I’m attracted to you, but I respect you and the Cartier’s. And that’s exactly why I shouldn’t be trying shit in my driveway when I’m drunk. That’s not the man I want to be, especially not with you. You deserve better than that.”
My eyes burned a little at the corners.
“But it wouldn’t have stopped at a kiss, Ava. And then what? We cross a line we can’t uncross and disrespect our closest friends?”
My shoulders sank. “You’re right.”
He reached over and took my hand. It was a friendly touch, not a flirting one, and somehow that hurt a little more.
“I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” he told me.
“You mean a lot to me too, and I don’t want to ruin that.”
“Then we don’t,” he said simply. “We don’t act on this. We chalk it up to liquor, a long night, and drunk hormones. We set the boundary, and we keep it. You deserve more than having to feel any guilt behind the man you’re with.”
I exhaled slowly, feeling some of the tension slipping out with it. “Okay. We’re friends.”
“We’re friends,” he repeated.
We sat there for another second, with our hands still linked and the snow whispering against the windshield.
Then he let go and killed the engine. “Come on. I’m not letting you drive home ’til you sit inside and sober up some. Saint not about to skin me alive for letting his sister-in-law drive home drunk.”
I laughed. “Fair.”
We climbed out into the cold, and as we walked toward his door, my heart still ached with what almost happened and what never would. But under the ache, there was relief.
No matter my longing, I knew we had made the right decision. But I was already so jealous of the lucky woman that would eventually own Sincere’s heart.