Chapter 5 #2
I almost let the sound out that wants to slip past, but I seal my lips tight, not needing to embarrass myself further.
I almost want to tell him that I know exactly what part he just got to in the book - based off the words he's using but I don't.
"You like that? Use your words, tell me how you like it?"
My body heats up. Hearing it from a man's lips is very different from reading it on a page.
But hearing it from Asher's lips? My whole body is alive in a way I've never experienced.
I clench my hands to stop them from lifting towards him.
Repeating in my head, 'this is just a lesson. A lesson. A lesson.'
My head swims as he lifts up, looking down into my eyes like he didn't just turn my mind inside out, "Did I sound like an idiot?"
I shake my head but he only grins and pulls back, "Use your words, Ivy."
"No." I swallow and sit up. He sits there, completely calm and collected while I feel like I've been dumped in a fire. Get a hold of yourself Ivy. "You didn't sound like an idiot."
He nods, "Okay, now it's your turn."
"What?"
"It's your turn. I'm the teacher Ivy; this is a pop quiz. Go." He says again, though he can't hide the amusement in his tone. "What would you say?"
I choke up, my mind blanking on everything but one sentence, yet I'm too embarrassed to say it.
He raises a brow, waiting and I close my eyes, whispering the words.
"What?"
My eyes snap open and I glare at the grin on his face, knowing he heard what I said but wants me to be louder.
"I want you to fuck me."
"Tame, what else have you got?"
"I want you to fuck me so hard I feel you between my legs for days." I mumble it quickly, but he still hears the words, his eyes widening slightly like he didn't expect those words.
"What else, Ivy?"
"I want to feel your cock in my mouth; I want you to fill me up." My cheeks are hot. I can feel them.
His eyes close. Just for a second.
Then he exhales and shifts back, creating space between us like he's forcing distance.
"What else?" The words come out monotone, and I shift awkwardly as the atmosphere suddenly feels too small.
"I want you on your knees with your head between my legs, tell me how much you like how I taste."
"I don't think you need any help with dirty talk; you just need to stop being quiet." He says softly, his eyes focused on mine.
I nod, feeling the tension slip between us. "Okay." I say softly.
"Ivy-"
There's a knock at my door, and I rear up, pushing Asher to the floor with a heavy thud.
My bedroom door opens and Leon stands there, looking around my room. "What was that?"
"What was what?" I ask, my heart racing beneath my chest.
"I thought I heard a noise."
"I didn't hear anything."
He shrugs, turning back to me, "I'm going to go grab dinner, you want anything?"
"No, I'm good." I say, needing him to leave as fast as possible.
"Cool, be back soon."
He turns and races down the stairs.
"Leon, my door!"
"Shut it yourself."
I grunt under my breath as I push from the bed and speed walk to the door, shutting it with a resounding click before resting my head against it for a breather.
Seconds later I turn, Asher stands on the other side of the bed, avoiding eye contact.
He won't look at me. Not like he was before.
Like he's drawn a line I didn't even realise we crossed.
"I'm going to get going."
"Good idea." I say, stepping away from the door as he approaches.
His hand curls around the handle of my bedroom door, pulling it open and I find my mouth opening before I even know what I'm going to say.
"Umm, thank you?" I pause. The sentence is awkward and jilted, and I cringe but refuse to look up at him.
"All good, that's what I'm here for."
The atmosphere is awkward and I look around my room to distract myself before Asher clears his throat, "oh I have homework for you." He reaches for his back pocket, retrieving a small notepad.
"Homework?"
"This," he says, tapping the book lightly with his finger, "is your homework for the week." His tone is as calm as if he's assigning reading for a class. Meanwhile, my heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest.
He steps forward, handing me the book, and our fingertips brush for the briefest moment. My skin tingles from the contact, but I focus on the book in my hand. It's stupid to react to something so small. It's Asher. My best friend's brother. He's just helping me. There's nothing more to it.
Even if his voice does things to my body I'm not ready to look into.
"What exactly am I supposed to learn from this?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady, even though it feels like the floor is about to drop from under me.
"Start with the basics. Understand your own body first. Once you're comfortable with that, we'll move on to..." He pauses, and I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to finish the thought.
"Other people?" I blurt, cringing at how breathless I sound.
He nods slowly, his expression softening in a way that makes my stomach twist. "Yeah. Other people. You don't need to rush this. We're taking it step by step."
Step by step. That's what this is. A lesson. He's not doing this to torture me. He's not... enjoying this. Right?
I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. "And after I've read it, what then?"
"Then we'll talk about how pleasure works for a guy. If you're curious." He says it so matter-of-factly, but I can't help but feel the heat creep up my neck. We were just on my bed, with him over me and whispering dirty things and now we're - discussing this like we're talking about the weather.
I look down at the book in my lap. I'm supposed to read this and learn about... myself. I feel like an idiot.
But then I hear myself asking, "What does it feel like? For a guy?"
My heart immediately jumps into my throat. I didn't mean to ask that. Oh God.
Asher stops and turns to look at me, his expression unreadable for a moment. I want to disappear, but instead, I stand there, waiting for him to say something, anything.
He steps closer, his voice tighter than usual.
"It's hard to explain. It's like everything builds, everything tightens, and then it all.
.. releases. It's intense. You stop thinking, you just feel.
" His eyes are steady on mine, his voice seeming to deepen.
"Have you ever-" he cuts himself off with a shake of his head.
"That's a conversation for another time. Right now, you've got homework."
I blink, trying to process everything he just said, but all I manage is a shaky, "yes, homework?"
I blink and suddenly the old Asher is back. His grin widens, and I swear he's enjoying this more than he should. "Yep. Read up, and I expect questions next time."
And then he's gone, leaving me alone with a book and a heart that's beating way too fast.