Chapter 27
Tip twenty-seven; Initiate sex, but don't push for it. Don't just expect your partner to always initiate it. Don't use sex as a bargaining tool for malicious reasons. (Unless you have that type of relationship with your partner.)
Ivy
Tuesday rolls around, and I wake up already anxious.
There's a heavy weight in my chest, like my body knows today isn't going to go smoothly, even though I've been telling myself for days now that I'll figure it all out. I'd planned to meet Asher for our study session, but the idea of seeing him, talking to him.
It makes my stomach churn.
I try to focus on the day ahead, shoving down everything else, but it's useless. By mid-morning, I can't shake the restless energy, and the thought of being around Asher feels suffocating. I grab my phone, my fingers hesitating for just a second before I type out the message.
I can't make it today. Sorry.
I send it before I can overthink and immediately throw my phone onto the bed, turning away from it like it's going to explode. I know Asher's going to ask why. I know he'll push for answers.
I don't have an explanation that doesn't sound pathetic.
I can't deal with him right now.
After pacing around my room for a bit, I make a decision.
If I stay here, trapped in this house, waiting for Leon or one of his friends to show up, I'll go insane.
So, I pack up my things, grab my laptop, and head to the town library.
It's quieter than campus, a little further away, and it feels like the one place where I might be able to clear my head without running into anyone I know. No distractions, no Asher. Just peace.
· · ·
The town library is quiet. Almost empty. It smells like old paper and dust and something faintly floral.
Safe.
I tuck myself into a table in the far corner, open my laptop, and pretend to study.
Study lasts five minutes.
My eyes keep drifting to the door.
He won't come here.
He doesn't even know I'm here.
I shake my head and force my gaze back onto my computer but instead my mind wanders.
I think about the other day, how everything seemed to spiral out of control so quickly.
About the way he'd talked about Harlowe. The casual "maybe."
The way it made me feel like a placeholder until something easier came along.
I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't notice someone approaching until I hear his voice.
"Ivy."
My heart stumbles. No. Not here.
I look up, and of course, there he is. Asher.
He stands in front of my table, jaw tight, hands shoved into his pockets like he's holding himself back from something. "You didn't show up."
I swallow, trying to keep my voice steady. "I texted you." I look around the library. "How did you-"
"You always come to the town library when you need a break." He steps closer, close enough I can smell his aftershave. "You've been avoiding me for days, Ivy. I'm not stupid."
My throat tightens. I close my laptop. "I just needed some space. I-"
"Space from what?" His voice lowers, tone quiet. "From me?"
I stand up, pushing my chair back with a soft scrape. "Can we not do this here?"
Without waiting for a response, I walk away from the table, weaving through the rows of bookshelves. I don't know where I'm going - just away.
Away from him, away from the confrontation I know is coming. But Asher doesn't let me go. I hear his footsteps behind me, following closely as I head deeper into the stacks.
We stop between two tall shelves at the back of the library. Hidden. Close enough that I can feel the warmth of him without touching him.
"What's going on?"
My heart is racing, and I know I can't keep running from this. From him.
"I think we should stop,"
Asher blinks, his expression shifting from frustration to shock. And for a moment he doesn't say anything.
Say something. Tell me I'm wrong.
He looks at me for a long time. Like he's trying to see past whatever wall I just placed between us.
"You're serious." He says finally.
It's not a question and It's not what I expected to hear.
I nod, folding my arms around myself. My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears.
"Why?"
One word. It lands softly, too quiet.
Because I heard you say maybe.
Because I'm not easy.
Because I'm already in too deep.
"Because it was always temporary," I say instead. "We both knew that."
His jaw flexes.
"It's better to end it before it gets complicated."
The word hangs between us.
His eyes flicker at that.
"Complicated," he repeats.
I nod.
Don't ask me to explain.
Don't make me say it.
Say something.
Tell me I'm being stupid.
He exhales slowly. “Did I do something?”
For one terrifying second, I almost tell him the truth.
Almost ask him if I misunderstood.
But that would mean giving him the chance to hurt me for real.
And I’m not brave enough for that.
I shake my head silently.
"If that's what you want," he says quietly.
That's it.
That's all he says.
Something inside my chest caves in.
If that's what you want. That's it?
That's all I'm worth?
It isn’t what I want.
But it's the only way I know how to protect myself.
He doesn't fight me on it; he just accepts it.
I force myself to keep my face blank.
"I think we need space," I add. "From each other."
His eyes search mine, like he's trying to find something in my expression that will tell him I'm lying. "Really, Ivy? You want to call it off?"
"Yes," I repeat, my voice firmer this time. "I think it's for the best."
Asher steps back, his jaw tightening as he takes in my words. He looks... deflated.
Like I've punched the air out of him. But then he straightens, the emotion gone so quick I question if I even saw it to begin with.
"Alright," he says, his voice steady. "We'll call it off."
His jaw clenches once then stills.
My chest tightens.
Fight for me.
He doesn't.
I nod, wrapping my arms tighter around myself like I'm trying to hold myself together. "Okay."
Asher nods too, though there's something in the way his eyes darken that makes my chest ache. "Right. Well... I'll leave you alone, then."
And with that, he turns and walks away, leaving me standing there between the stacks, my heart breaking all over again.
I stand there long after he's gone, staring at the space between the shelves where he stood.
Wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life.