Sinful Liabilities

01 - We Can't Fall In Love, Easy Right?

The potent smell of sex still clings to my skin as the door of his bathroom shuts with a resounding click.

My thighs are slick with sweat, my mind filled with despair.

That was it?

That was sex?

It sucked.

A soft groan leaves my lips as I relax onto the crumpled sheets, looking towards the bathroom door from the corner of my eyes before staring back at the roof to f this too stuffy room.

He left, as soon as he'd made that weird face, like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing, what a stupid waste of two fucking months.

He didn't even last longer than sixty seconds.

Sixty seconds. I counted.

And I didn't even get off. Isn't that the point of this whole thing, to gain pleasure?

I must be lost in my thoughts for longer than I thought because the door opens and Dain re-enters, stopping at the sight of me.

"What are you still doing here?" His voice had that tone to it that had my stomach dropping and shame riding my heels.

For a moment I'm shocked silent, just blinking back at him. "What?"

He narrows his blue eyes, shaking his head like this whole thing is above him and all at once he's unattractive, completely and utterly ugly. "In case you didn't know, this is usually when a girl like you leaves."

My muscles tense and I grab the blanket beside me, tugging it up to cover my chest, fingers white knuckling the soft fabric. "A girl like me?"

He looks at me like I'm stupid, and maybe I am because I have no idea what he's talking about.

"Surely you knew this had an expiration date, Ivy?

" He doesn't let me say anything before he walks for his dresser, pulling out a shirt.

"You didn't honestly believe I wanted anything more from you?

" He doesn't even look at me as he delivers each blow.

"You're just some chick chasing sticks, would've thought Leon's sister had more dignity.

" He chokes out a laugh, shaking his head.

"I fucked his kid sister." Dain looks to me as glee fills his eyes.

"How do you think he'll react to that when I tell him on the ice?

High and mighty Leon won't be so above the fist fighting then.

" He shakes his head. "I'm sure the scouts won't want him once they see his rage on the ice. "

"Is that why you approached me?" The words are meant to come out strong, but they creak past my lips like an old door hinge, high and sharp. "To get to my brother?"

Dain looks over his shoulder, raising a brow over eyes I used to think were bright and charming, the smile curling his lips no longer producing butterflies but dread.

"What else are you good for? Have to get under the almighty Leon Collin's skin somehow, I just found a way in.

" He shrugs like he can't be blamed for his actions.

"It's all fun anyway, Ivy. You got what you wanted from me, I got what I wanted and now we end it here.

" He waved a hand, "go get your points and your 15 minutes.

Shut the door when you leave." He moves back for the bathroom, then stops, looking to me with a confused face before it lightens.

"Oh, you actually thought-" He runs a hand through his hair, awkwardness filling the air like a thick sludge. "Look, you're a nice girl-"

"You don't have to finish that sentence." I interrupt, cringing and reaching for my discarded clothes, pulling them in so quickly I'm pretty sure my shirt is backwards and inside out.

"It was just sex, Ivy. It's not a big deal."

Not a big deal? I just gave you my fucking virginity you overgrown tumour and you led me along like some puppet all for a stupid game, to get under my brothers skin.

He continues on while I get changed, avoiding looking at him.

"And look it may have been lousy, but I'm always up for seconds. You just can't expect to have a sleepover. I don't do that shit." Dain continues, and I roll my eyes.

As of this moment I've come to the conclusion that the jerk likes the sound of his own voice.

I haphazardly pull my light brown hair into a ponytail, willing the sting of tears away.

I'm not sad, I'm fucking angry. And I cry when I'm angry, it's an issue I should talk to a therapist about but I don't have the money for that shit so bathing in my childhood trauma seems like the best option right now.

What a waste of two fucking months, and I thought he'd be the perfect guy to give my virginity to.

"Are you listening to me, Ivy?"

"No." I reply, pulling my jeans over my ass, wanting to get out as quick as possible.

Anger slips over his face like a mask and he scoffs, "fuck, for a girl who has clue what's she's doing you sure do have a lot of attitude. I did you a favour by fucking you, Ivy."

My throat tightens with pain and I flash a glare his way. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nobody wants to fuck a lousy lay, you should be thanking me for taking one for the team and telling you now."

I don't give him an answer, shoving my feet into my shoes without any socks and rush for the door.

"Don't cry, baby." I hear him say behind me, "find me when you know how to suck cock and maybe I'll tell the team how good you are, I'm sure a girl like you would love having the team lining up for her."

Anger washes over me and I clench my teeth, rushing down the stairs and thanking god that the rest of the house is empty.

What did I ever see in that self serving fucking dick?

· · ·

"It was embarrassing, Charlie!" I say, shoving another marshmallow in my mouth with a pout.

"There's other guys out there, Ivy, don't give up!"

"That's not the point. I don't want to do it anymore!" I almost whine and then cringe from the sound of my own complaint. "What's the point? It wasn't even that good, the books make it out to be so good and then it was just," I huff, trying to find the right word, "meh."

Not to mention everything else. Used, and discarded. Fitting.

I shake my head and pierce my best friend with a stare, "He was no Cassian or Rowan, or even Gryphon Shore."

"They're book characters." Charlie says, reaching for a marshmallow. A pink one, ugh.

"Exactly, why can't I find a man like the boys in Hannaford prep, or four psychos?"

"Didn't they try to kill her?"

"That's not the point, Charlotte. All these books I read make it seem like sex is so easy and natural, and they all know what they're doing!"

"Ivy."

"I just wish there was a guide out there that could teach you what to do, like step by step instructions."

"What about all those magazines, they have all the articles in them."

"No it's not the same, I want just one book, that tells me exactly what I want to know when I want to know it, like magic."

"That's asking for a lot, Ivy." Charlie says softly, her blonde hair falling around her face is soft waves. Her blue eyes are wide but they twinkle with mirth.

I huff, leaning forward on my elbows, "I know." I chew my lip. "What if I finally get a boyfriend and I don't know how to do anything and they break up with me, or-" I look to Charlie. "I don't want to be insecure about sex, I want to know what I'm doing."

"You can't let Dain's stupid opinion get to you, he's just some guy."

"Yeah, some guy who called me a lousy lay and what if he's right?" I raise an eyebrow. "You don't get it Charlie, you've had boyfriends and one night stands. I haven't and I don't want something as trivial as my experience to get in the way of a relationship."

"You know how dating is these days, people sleep together before they've even formed a connection and I just, - I don't know." I huff. I hate that I've let a guys opinion of me dictate my insecurities.

We're silent for a second, both lost in our own thoughts before I see Charlotte sit up straighter. "I might have an idea."

I look to my best friend, raising a brow.

"What if you find someone who can help you?"

"I'm not following."

"Like a friends with benefits situation, and the benefits would be that he show you the ropes, and tell you how to do things." She throws her arms up as if she's just come up with the best idea. "Who better to tell you how to please a guy then a guy?"

I nod, seeing the appeal. "How the hell would I even find someone willing to tell me that, what would they want in return?"

Charlie shrugs, "you could ask Justin."

I blink, shocked. "Justin? As in Justin who plays on my brothers hockey team, that Justin?"

Charlie nods, not seeing the issue. "He's a player, which means he won't want to settle down. And rumour has it he knows what he's doing and he's slept with a lot of girls."

"If my brother found out he'd skin him alive."

"Then don't tell your brother."

"He'd find out, keeping a secret on this campus is like trying to trap the wind, impossible."

Her shoulders drop, "A secret tryst might be good for your twenties, imagine the stories."

"Imagine the rumours." I reply, shaking my head. "Justin can't keep his mouth shut."

"Well, it doesn't have to be Justin." She says before looking down at her phone, "Shit." She pushes from the kitchen island, "I gotta get to work."

I wave her goodbye as I reach for the last marshmallow, pushing from the island as the front door shuts behind her and walk to the sink with our cups.

I wash them quickly, my brain filled with too many thoughts before I hear footsteps behind me and I twist my head to glance at the person, finding them leaning against the kitchen island where Charlie and I had just sat.

"Oh, Hi Asher." I murmur, turning back to what I'm doing and finishing up before turning to my brothers best friend, and also Charlie's older brother. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Leon, we're meant to be going to a party."

I nod absentmindedly, moving around the kitchen as I collect my things, feeling Asher's eyes on me.

I look to him, raising a brow before letting my eyes slip down his figure.

Now Asher is who you would describe as tall, dark and dangerous, but replace dangerous with delicious and you have the almost perfect concoction that is Asher Hudson, a man I've know since I was six years old, and my brothers best friend for almost as long.

His grey eyes settle on me, his brow raised back at me but he doesn't say anything for a second, the silence between us feeling weighted.

He folds his arms across his chest, the veins beneath the olive skin more prominent with the move, the silver rings on his fingers glinting under the kitchen light. His gaze settle on my face, flitting between my eyes, narrowing slightly with concern. "Why are you upset?"

I flick my gaze back to him, not realising I was displaying my emotions so easily and shake my head, "Nothing really, just stupid boy drama."

I see his shoulders tense. "Oh, I heard."

My brows furrow, "What?"

His eyes seem to brighten and he shakes his head, brown hair falling into his eyes before he pushes it back. "You and my sister aren't exactly quiet, I could hear everything."

The blush fights to come to my cheeks but I fight equally as hard to push it away, mortification filling me.

I don't know who wins out but from the heat emanating from my cheeks, it's not looking good for me.

"Oh." How much had he heard? If he tells Leon about Dain-

"So you want someone to teach you how to please a guy?" I cringe as soon as the words exit his mouth, ignoring the grin on his lips.

"Don't say it like that, saying it like that makes it sound so, icky."

"Well that's what you want, I heard the conversation, you want someone to give you tips."

"How much did you hear?" I question, narrowing my eyes as he narrows his.

He roots his head, "you were going to ask Justin to teach you-"

"I was not-" I cut off at his amused expression. "I was not going to ask Justin."

"Who were you going to ask then?" He straitens and steps further into the kitchen, the room suddenly feeling far too small.

"I hadn't decided."

"No prospects on which guy on this campus could teach you how to suck-"

I wave my hands, cutting him off and he laughs. I glare at him, feeling mortified but straiten my back, forcing myself to say the words that linger in my mind. "What if I want to learn how to please myself? Or how to tell a guy what I want? Why does it have to be about the guys pleasure?"

Asher's amusement drops and he tenses further. A part of me feels smug to have caused the reaction, his amused questions silent now. He looks taken aback by my words, his lips quirking at the side.

"Okay well you've convinced me, I'll take the job."

I blink, shocked filling me. "What?"

He smiles smugly, now that his words have shocked me into near silence, "When do you want to start?"

"Pardon?"

"You wanted a player, last I checked that's what I've been branded at school." He shrugs, "and I don't exactly trust any of the other guys wth you." I blink at the words but he just glosses over them, standing straighter. "So when do you want to start?"

"I didn't ask you." I mutter.

"I'm offering, Ivy."

"What if I don't want you to?" For a second I think I may have offended him but he only grins wider, like the possibility is impossible.

"Why wouldn't you?"

"You're my brothers best friend, my best friend brother, it would practically be a sin."

"It's the perfect option, we know we can't fall for each other so it would be easy, no lines would be crossed."

It doesn't seem that easy but he speaks like it is and when I really think about it, I guess it is.

I don't see Charlie's brother as anyone except - well Charlie's brother.

It's not like I have a crush on him or any feelings to develop.

I've known him my whole life, I doubt a few more conversations - even if they are a little bit R-rated, will change anything.

I look back to Asher as he waits patiently for my answer.

"What would you get out of it?"

"Free tutoring, I've got some failing grades I need to pull up or I'll lose hockey." He shrugs likes its no big deal. "Three months, just until the finals, that's all it'll be."

I swallow, feeling anxiety fill me. "But-"

The front door opens, my brother entering with a boisterous laugh.

"Yo, bro, we gotta go." He says quickly to Asher before smiling at me, "Ivy, I'm going out so don't wait up for me tonight."

I nod my head and watch as my brother grabs his car keys from the hook beside the door and looks to Asher, "You coming, Hudson?"

Except Asher's eyes stay on me, probing and I swallow, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and nod, "Yeah, okay."

The words might seem like they're said to my brother but Asher knows they're for him and he gives a short dip of his head, grinning before leaving. "See you later, Ivy."

I don't miss the promise in the words, the finality before the door shuts and I practically boot to my room in embarrassment.

"What the fuck did I just agree to?" I ask my reflection, but she only blinks back and sometimes I think that girls stupid.

But today? Today, I know she is.