28. Aria
28
ARIA
T he nail technician swept the brush across my thumbnail, coating it in a deep, glossy black. Next to me, Quinn was picking out her chosen shade of polish, eventually settling on a royal blue and navy combination matching our school colours.
“Hopefully, this will bring us luck. It’s the final lacrosse game tomorrow. Are you coming?”
I shook my head, staring down at my hands as, one by one, my bare nails were coated in black. “No. I can’t. I don’t want to see Tristan.”
“Aria…”
“Quinn.” Elena shook her head. She leaned around Quinn to look at me. “No one expects you to come. But…but you know that what happened wasn’t Tristan’s fault, right?”
I did know that. Logically. Illogically, a part of me had been irreparably hurt by all the revelations. A big part. I’d made the decision to keep the truth of how my great-uncle had died from my grandparents. I knew it would be far too upsetting, and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting them, even though it wouldn’t be my fault. So I couldn’t talk to them about it, and I couldn’t even talk to my two closest friends about it properly because they were too close to Tristan’s best friends.
“I know it wasn’t his fault.” That apology he’d given me at the courts… The truth was written all over his face. How deeply sorry he was. But I knew that was the guilt talking. Anyone who wasn’t a monster would feel remorse. Finding out a close family member, someone you had looked up to all your life, had done that? I couldn’t even imagine.
But it didn’t mean anything. Not really. I’d accepted his apology, but it was best for everyone to draw a line under it all. Nothing had changed. The obstacles between us were still there, even if there had been a universe where he wanted something real with me. As soon as my exams were over, I’d leave Hatherley Hall and Nottswood behind, and I wouldn’t look back. I had offers from four different universities, and no matter which of the four I chose, I’d finally have a chance to put everything behind me and have a fresh start.
As for the money…there was no way I could pay my school fees back now, but the rest…I was going to put every penny aside to make my grandparents’ life easier in retirement. A little way for Tristan’s grandfather to pay for what he’d done.
“Ro said Tristan’s been really down,” Quinn said quietly. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m only saying it so you know he’s been affected by everything, too.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Please can we change the subject now? How’s revision going?”
“It’s…going,” Elena said, placing her hand under the UV lamp to cure her first coat of polish. “I can’t believe it’ll all be over in just a few weeks.” The machine beeped, and she pulled her hand out, lifting it to admire the navy to royal blue ombre effect.
“That’s so pretty.” Quinn nudged me. “Don’t you even want to get one nail done in our school colours? It might bring you luck in your exams.”
“Oh, fine. If it makes you both happy.” I turned to my nail technician, holding out my left hand, which he hadn’t started working on. “Can you do me one nail in navy? With the school crest in that royal blue?”
“Do you have a picture of the crest?”
“Yes, hang on.” I pulled up the internet browser on my phone. “Here.”
He studied it carefully and then nodded. “I can do that.”
“Thank you.” Maybe it would bring me luck in my exams. Maybe I’d just look at it to remind myself that once my exams were over, I could start again, that Hatherley Hall would one day be a memory, easily wiped away to be replaced by something newer and better.
All I had to do was to get through the next few weeks, and then I’d be free.
“Aria. Thank you for returning our call.”
I leaned back on my bed, balancing my phone on my thigh. My dorm room was currently empty, and so I’d decided that I might as well take the opportunity to get this conversation over with. I’d had four missed calls, two voicemails, and a text message today, and there was only so long I could avoid my godparents without the guilt setting in.
“What did you want?”
“Well, we-we wanted to apologise. Tristan told us everything. I want you to know that we had no idea that Samuel was involved in your great-uncle’s passing.” My godmother sniffed. Was she crying?
My godfather’s voice came through the speaker. “She’s right. Please believe me when I say that if we’d had any inkling?—”
“Aria, darling. I am so, so sorry. How can we make it up to you?”
“Oh…um…” It really wasn’t their fault. They’d been as much in the dark as the rest of us. Knox’s dad and Tristan’s uncle had had a long talk with Tristan’s grandfather, and I’d learned that the Brotherhood had sworn an oath to cover up what had happened that night. They’d hidden the evidence and disbanded the society to protect themselves and had never spoken of it again. It would have been a secret they’d have taken to the grave if I hadn’t found the box that night.
That box had unleashed a chain of events none of us had seen coming.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I reassured my godmother. “I don’t blame either of you. I just…it’s a lot to deal with. I’ll be taking some time away once the exams are over.”
“Of course,” Gregory said. “Whatever we can do to help… We’re at your disposal. Money, a car, a place to live…whatever you need, we can provide as your godparents. We don’t want you to feel like we’re doing this out of guilt. You’re our goddaughter, and that isn’t going to change.”
My lip trembled, and I bit down on it fiercely, the metallic tang of blood hitting my tongue. “You were manipulated into becoming my godparents.”
“Manipulated or not, you are our goddaughter, and we care for you very much.” Jane’s voice wobbled. “What Samuel did was abhorrent, but it brought you to us, and I shall never regret that.”
“Hear, hear.” My godfather cleared his throat. “As I said, we are at your disposal. Don’t be afraid to ask us for anything.”
“Th-thank you.”
“I understand if you feel as if you need some distance, but will you consider seeing us soon? Perhaps a luncheon or something. We don’t want you to push us away.”
No matter what had happened, no matter what was going on with Tristan, no matter how misguided they were…they’d done what they thought was best, and I couldn’t hold that against them. “I…I’ll consider it, yes. Thank you both.”
The call ended, and I lay back, rubbing at my eyes. Despite my earlier assurances to myself, my conversation with my godparents had reminded me that I wouldn’t really be able to make a fresh start. Not fully. I’d always have something tying me to Nottswood.