Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
T he next few days, as we crawled through Rome, Venice, and finally arrived at Thorsteinn Castle in Austria, were the emotional equivalent of a tornado.
Every time I thought I knew the answer to what to do about Roman, my mind would twist again, and the solution would be ripped from my grasp.
Roman and Lydia continued to flirt with each other, and although I tried to give them as much space as possible, I was also like a creepy stalker, constantly checking out Roman.
Zali and I talked every day and her worry for me was upsetting. She had enough going on without my bullshit adding to it.
Roman had become unpredictable, seesawing from jovial and smiling to dark and brooding. My heart wept at his inability to open up to me. And I was absolutely useless at that stuff. Whenever we had a private moment together, which unfortunately was rare, I either didn’t want to ruin it, or I had no idea how to initiate the difficult conversation.
But there was a theme that was becoming as obvious as if we were in an Italian opera. When Roman was with Lydia, he was happy. With me, not so much. I had a terrible feeling it was something I’d done. And the timing meant it was something I’d done the night after the winery.
Lord knew what I’d said while I was drunk.
With my feelings for him being my own private battleground, I’d probably fired a freakin’ ‘I love you’ cannon and I didn’t even remember it.
Oh, God. I wanted to crawl under the bus and have him drive over me a dozen times.
But rejecting that as an option, I opted for my lovely hot tub in the castle keep instead. I needed some alone time. Something I’d barely had since I’d met Roman. Maybe while I soaked in heavenly bliss, I’d get flashbacks of what I’d done after the winery.
As I made my way down the curved stairwell, I hoped Count Frederik had drunk a bottle of whiskey for breakfast and was passed out somewhere well away from me.
Upon entering the tiny room, I sighed with content at the delightful aromas and the subtle lighting. Katrin was an absolute angel, and I made a mental note to buy something special to give to her on my next visit.
I slipped my shoulders beneath the warm water and sighed. So far, so good on the Frederik front. Closing my eyes, I prayed it would remain that way.
Barely two seconds later, I cursed at the sound of the door creaking open. Shit!
He didn’t loiter in the shadows this time. No. Count Frederik stepped forward, and my breath caught at how stunning he looked. He wore a white linen shirt that he’d unbuttoned to reveal his ripped abs. His hair was out, curling in waves to his shoulders. And he’d done a mighty fine job of a close-cropped beard that gave him a classy roguish appearance.
He inclined his head ever so slightly and the candlelight captured the intense green of his irises like he’d planned that move. “Hello, Daisy.”
Maybe being alone wasn’t the solution to my troubles after all. Despite myself, I couldn’t help the tiny smile curling on my lips. “Frederik.”
He ducked back into the shadows but emerged seconds later wearing just black speedos. As he climbed into the bath, my eyes cruised over his defined muscles. Whatever Frederik did to keep in shape was working just fine.
He slipped into the water, barely creating a ripple and we stared into each other’s eyes from the opposite sides of the tub. It was both awkward and titillating. He had the tiniest curl at the side of his lips like he was about to do something totally crazy.
Were we going to have a repeat of last month?
Did I want that?
I had so much crap going on in my mind, it was a wonder I could think rationally. Above the water, I was calm, in control. Not! Beneath the water, I twisted my fingers into knots. At the top of my turmoil was Roman. My attraction to him was stupid. And wrong. And killing me in so many ways.
Thinking of him with Lydia, them laughing and giggling, them touching each other, them fucking each other’s brains out, had furious waves of anger rolling through me so fast, I wanted to scream.
Why do I even waste my energy on him?
Especially when there was a smoking-hot count staring at me with lust in his eyes.
Frederik licked his bottom lip ever so slowly. “Have you had a good month?”
I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to think. What I wanted was to forget. Blood coursed through my body like it was jet-propelled.
Unable to hold back a second longer, I crossed the distance between us, curling a wave of scented water over the tub rim as I latched my lips onto his. Driving my fingers through his long hair, I grabbed a handful and pulled him toward me.
Thank God Frederik didn’t reject me.
Lord no! He was the opposite—eager to please.
Our tongues dueled in a greedy race to taste each other. A moan tumbled from his throat, and I matched it with a groan of my own.
His hand glided up my back and I copied him, feeling the firm muscles beneath his wet flesh.
I eased away, and when I saw the lust in his stunning green eyes, I stood, undid the hook on my bikini top, tossed it aside, and shoved my left boob in his face. He didn’t miss a beat, latching his lips onto my nipple and sucking hard.
I tilted my head, forcing myself to focus on now. And oh, what a glorious now it was. Romantic setting. Delightful aromas. Sexy mysterious stud.
His finger slipped into my pants and slid over my clit. I gasped at the swiftness, clawing my nails up his back. He pulled my bikini bottoms down to my ankles, and I kicked them free.
I stepped forward, straddling his legs and practically begging him to finger fuck me. When he shoved his finger inside me, I cried out. The sound echoed off the stone walls. I closed my eyes, shut off the tumbling thoughts, and let my body take over.
As I clutched his head to my breast, he rammed two fingers inside me. I bent my knees and clamped my insides around his fingers like a velvet glove.
He twisted his fingers in and out in a smooth gliding motion over and over, and an orgasm was growing inside me.
It was wild, unfettered, driven .
The sexual spring inside me wound tighter. And tighter. Every nerve in my body tingled. My eyes shot open and flashed onto Frederik. His eyes were open too. They met mine and for the briefest of seconds he glanced at me, but it was clear he wasn’t really seeing—he was lost to another world.
A sexual, erotic world.
A world where my mind finally slipped from my emotional hell and into heavenly bliss. There was nothing but my raging orgasm and his incredible fingers.
My whole body stiffened. I clamped my teeth together. I clawed at his hair.
A cry burst from my throat as my body imploded. Exploded.
My climax came out of nowhere, rolling through me like a tidal wave.
I gasped at the intensity, melted at the release, crumbled into a million quivering pieces.
It was over in minutes, seconds even.
I’d never had sex like that. It was like I’d been obsessed. Angry.
Maybe I was angry.
Easing back, I curled my lip into my mouth, suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment. “Sorry.” I eased into the water and fetched my bikini bottoms with my foot.
“No need to be.”
I tugged my pants on, and with my heart pounding so hard it was a wonder it didn’t make waves in the water, I climbed out of the tub. “I have to go.”
“Okay.”
Wrapping my towel around my waist and clutching it over my bare chest, I glanced at Frederik.
He was still in the water, a frown heavy over his stunning eyes. “Are you okay? ”
“Yes,” I lied. “Sorry.”
I grabbed my bikini top, dashed out the door, and raced up the stairs. Every step added another layer of guilt to my already fucked up brain.
A sob burst from my throat as I shoved the key into my door. Slamming it behind me, I dove onto the bed, shoved my face into the pillow, and bawled my eyes out.
What have I done?
Hardly able to breathe, I heaved wracking sobs as I searched for the answer.
I know exactly what I’ve done.
I fucked one man, yet my heart was for another.
Oh, God.
I am never going to be whole again.