CHAPTER SIXTEEN | Beckett
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Beckett
I STAND IN MY APARTMENT shower, with my hands holding me up as I lean against the wall attempting to keep myself from crying. I’m a grown ass man and I’m all mixed up in my emotions, overwhelmed by everything. The water is trying to wash away the pain I’m feeling. I can’t keep lying to her, I need to be theirs, completely, but how can that happen if we’re lying to her. He’s so adamant on keeping her in the dark until he knows she’s pregnant. Pregnant. I never thought kids would have been in his future, let alone mine.
My heart breaks every time I push into her, every time we take her. We’re trying to get her pregnant, against her will, and it’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve killed men for Kenan, ran drugs, guns, and found any and everything he’s ever needed, but this is crossing a line I can’t keep standing behind.
I’ve felt these feelings for Kenan for far too long, and the way he looked at me when he held me against the wall, I knew that I went too far for him. I shouldn’t have said anything. It plays back through my head on repeat.
I throw my hands in the air and let out a disappointing grunt, “We can’t keep lying to her, Kenan. Do you think she’s just going to roll over and be okay with what we’ve done?”
“She doesn’t get a fucking choice.” Kenan barks out. “She messed with my family, attempting to blow the lid off our operation. Stalking her and getting the information didn’t work. She won’t tell us anything. And now,” He runs his hands through his dark hair, frustrated as hell.
“And now you’ve fucked your way into her heart, you can’t play with people’s emotions like this. You’re going to ruin everything, her, me, this.” I say gesturing between us. “I won’t survive if this blows up in our faces.”
“You’ll do as you’re told, Beck, end of discussion.”
“No, I won’t stand by and let this happen! I can’t let you break me or her. I love you Kenan, with everything I have in me, and I have for a long time, but your family will not accept her. They’ve already told you to kill her, and you haven’t. What do you think will happen if your mom catches her out there alone? Huh? What happens if Candace the fucking Mob Queen demands that one of your dads kill her in front of you, because you were too wrapped up in whatever the fuck we’ve been doing to do your job.”
“I fucking know the impossible situation I’ve found myself in!” He shouts, grabbing a fist full of my shirt, “I’m not killing her.” He growls through gritted teeth.
“Then tell her the fucking truth.” Kenan grabs me by the throat and slams me hard against the wall. “You can beat me to a bloody pulp, but it won’t stop what's coming if you don’t get out ahead of it.”
“Is this all coming up because you want me to yourself?” His grip tightens, cutting off my air. “Are you threatened by her?”
“Listen to-your-self.” I gasp out, “It’s eating away at your soul to be doing this!” His grip loosens for a split second, but then I see his eyes shift, the darkness I’ve always known was in there, rears its ugly head, trying to take control of the kind-hearted, party-having man that I care so deeply for. The part that he’s missing is that I care for her too, and this is going to explode in our faces. “You can’t have her if your mom won’t let you.” Kenan’s eyes slit at me, and I can see him getting lost in himself. “I wish you hadn’t brought her home, you’ve ruined everything. She deserves to know that you’re trying to ruin her life, that you’re ruining all of our lives.”
“I will fucking kill you.” He slams me against the wall again, my ears ringing as a red flashes across my vision. And of course, the bedroom door opens and she walks in, seeing exactly what he didn’t want her to see. The look on his face tells me that if I say anything right now, he might actually kill me, but death could be better than watching all of this fall apart around me.
I can’t risk losing him because of her, but what if I lose her because of him? I had actually thought that death would be better than losing them. Would it? I’ve never known the kind of weightlessness that they provide when we’re all together. They’re my security now, I feel like a ship without a sail, floating on a windless ocean. Even now, being away from them for so long hurts me deep inside. My heart aches to be without them, but I’m not sure it can handle being with them either. It’s almost too much for me to bear, the secrets and lies, the passion and intimacy. I would devote my entire being to the pair of them, but do I trust him with this or will it all blow away like ashes in the wind?
Shaking away all the insane thoughts in my head, I wash my hair and get out of the shower, dry off and drop into my bed, staring up at the ceiling because what else can I do? I drift to sleep.
I snap awake as my phone blares from across the room. Jumping off the bed, still wrapped in my towel. I snatch the phone from the dresser seeing Kenan’s face light up my screen. I swipe to answer, “Shit, I fell asleep. I’m sorry.” I say, feeling my heart racing in my chest.
“Come back.” Is all he says, his voice is soft, like he’s whispering to avoid something.
“Are you okay?” I ask, throwing the towel on the bathroom counter as I rush around my apartment, grabbing clothes and getting dressed.
“No.” The line goes dead and full fucking panic sets in, burying me in a mountain of worry. Shit fuck. I run through the apartment collecting everything else I’ll need and run out of there.
When I pull through the large metal gates, I don’t even bother parking in the back like I’m supposed to. I pull up to the front steps, fling the door open, not even bothering to shut the car off. I round the car and shout at the guard standing there. “Park the car!” I push the door open and run straight through the house, up the stairs and down two long fucking halls until I get to his door. My chest is heaving as I open the door, finding Onyx crying on the bed and Kenan sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the bed. “What happened?” I ask, entering the room, softly pushing the door shut as I watch them.
“I told her everything.” Kenan sighs and my heart drops to my stomach. He did what?
“After everything you said to me?” I look at him like he’s lost his fucking mind. I let out an uber frustrating sigh as I put my hands on my hips.
Onyx sobs into a pillow and I’m not sure cuddling into her will help at this point, she might stab me. I don’t honestly know what I should do.
“So what happens next?” I ask, sitting in front of Kenan, putting my hand on his.
“Whatever she wants to do.” Kenan says, dropping his head to his chest. I’m guessing with all the crying happening on the bed she didn’t take this whole thing very well, which means I probably can’t talk her into staying.
This. This is what I was afraid of.
Losing them.
Kenan pushes my hand away and turns away, getting up off the floor. “I’ll do whatever she wants.” He whispers as he leaves the room.
Turning to look at Onyx, she lifts her head, eyes puffy and red from crying. “Why?” She rasps out, “Why would you do this to a person?” The pain and hurt on her face breaks my heart as I climb up into the bed with her.
“Did he tell you everything?” I ask, sitting on the edge, not wanting to piss her off.
“That-” she hiccups, “I either die or become his plaything, forever. If I’m not already pregnant!” A sob breaks through again. “You-you, should’ve ju-just said som-something to me, I coulda helped.” She uses the back of her hand to wipe away the tears, then I see it, just like I saw when it happened to Kenan. That snap in the eyes, the kind that tells you that life is about to fuck you harder than a cactus in the ass.
She pushes up off the bed, stomps across the room and flings the door open, “Kenan Alexander Mazitti, get your fucking ass back in here!” She shouts through a few hiccups, trying to keep herself from crying more she takes a deep breath.
Kenan stomps back into the room, Onyx on his heels, slamming the bedroom door, “I already knew your mother wanted me dead, but you drugged me, the pair of you!” She shouts, punching him in the jaw, then kicks him in the knee making it extend backwards. Which makes him stumble backwards, “I will not be your fucking puppet to screw over your mother’s deal, all because you didn’t want to marry some white trash whore. Either you want me, or you fucking let me leave!” She punches him in the throat, he coughs violently grabbing at his neck.
“I-uh, Onyx.” I try to interject, but when she turns her face to look at me, I sit right the fuck back down on the bed. I’ve never in my life been scared of a woman, not like this. The cold look in her eyes, reddened cheeks send a shock-wave of uncertainty throughout my entire body. This is either about to get very bloody, or very sexy.
And I’m not sure what to do.