CHAPTER NINETEEN | Onyx
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Onyx
T HE WEATHER THAT'S turned the same shade as our misery, like it knows that sunshine aren't the vibes right now. Beck stands near me, staring at the ground like it holds the answer to our situation but nothing is going to change unless I make the changes. Kenan hasn't looked me in the eye since his bedroom, not that I blame him, he knows he fucked up.
Using the knife I used to cut the boys down, I cut my arm and hand Kenan the knife. Taking a deep breath I fling my arm out, letting the blood spray out and splatter down to the rocks. It’s lame and probably a dumb as fuck idea, but I will not let him actually kill me. We’ll fake my death and I’ll disappear, forever.
Even if it’s killing me inside, knowing I won’t wake up tomorrow in bed with them. “That should be enough.” I lay down against the dirt and rocks, fuck my hair up and play dead.
Kenan takes his phone out and snaps a quick picture. “Got it.” He says, shoving the phone back into his pocket. There’s shame written all over his face and I can’t help but want to soothe him. It’s in my nature to make sure the ones I love are taken care of.
But I’m not sure I can forgive them. I could have gotten over everything else, but the fact that they drugged me and removed my IUD, trying to impregnate me, was too fucking far. I push up off the ground, grab my bag and look back at the two of them, standing there wrapped in pitiful sorrow and dread as I take one last moment to remember their faces. Using a towel he brought with us, I wrap it around my arm and let out a sigh, feeling my heart break as I take a step away, turning to leave.
No words will escape my lips tonight, I can’t bring myself to say goodbye. I climb into the car Kenan stole for me, dropping into the seat with a sigh. Don’t look back. Don’t look back. I say those three words on repeat as I put the running vehicle into drive and drive off. There’s too much between us for this life to be so fucking sad. I don’t understand why they did the things they did. We could have had a beautiful life, making memories. Instead, the taste of fire and ash will forever be left on my tongue when I think about them.
Shit, I glance back at them, even though I didn’t want to, seeing them in the rear-view mirror as Beck punches Kenan hard right in his face, knocking him back to his ass. I gasp, but I keep driving, because I will not remain here, not after the betrayal I’ve faced from them. I’m not even sure how I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again. I just hope this is enough to let me disappear for the rest of my life and for them to never fucking find me.
Goodbye boys.
Three months later
The woman shakes the bottle as I lay back on the table. She pulls my shirt up and tucks a small white towel into my waistband, “Ready?” she asks, squeezing the contents of the bottle onto my belly.
“Can't really not be ready.” I say with a shrug watching her. She pulls out this wand thingy and puts it on my stomach and starts moving it around and I watch the screen.
It just looks like the white noise screen on an old television until she stops moving and we spot the movement. “There we are.” She moves the wand a little more and squints her eyes. I've swollen to the size of a house at this point, my body no longer my own as a not so small human rampages inside of me. “How far along are you?” She asks.
“I've estimated between three and five months. Honestly, I don't know and this is the first sonogram I've had. Since I'm as large as a beached whale, I'd say I'm closer to five months.”
She makes a hmm sound as she moves the wand around more. “I'd say you're around three and a half months, maybe four. It's hard to tell with twins.”
My heart jack hammers as I push up into my elbows. “I'm sorry, did you say twins?” She rotates the monitor more for me to see.
“Yes, baby number one is here.” She points to the first bean moving around and then rotates the wand, again. “And baby number two is here. They're measuring around eighteen or nineteen weeks.”
“So far enough along to know what they are?” I ask. Twins. Of course I'd be fucking forced into a pregnancy I didn't want and end up with twins, just my damn luck.
“Yes. Lemme see here...” she drifts off in her sentence moving and looks at the monitor. “See here, these two dots close together and then this here,“ she points to a line on the screen. “A boy.” I watch a little while longer while she finds baby number one and smiles, “Baby number one, ah, look here. She points to three dots in a row, that means girl.” One of each, perfect, I never have to do this again.
“Can I have pictures?” I ask. Not really sure the etiquette on this whole thing.
“Through your patient portal you'll have access to the video. But I'll grab you a shot of both of them to take with you.” She smiles, does her thing and then lets me clean up and pull my shirt down. I basically wear nothing but sweats and hoodies these days, one it's cold, two it's comfy, and three nothing else really fits right.
“Here ya go.” She says handing me a small print out of my babies. Mine, they are all mine.
But they're not.
My mind flips back to their dad's, or dad, whatever or whoever. Kenan and Beck. I still think about them constantly, especially after I found out I was in fact pregnant when I left.
That was the first thing I did, after I drove for six hours straight. I didn't know they stole me a car with such good gas mileage, I had expected to stop long before I did. When the car needed gas, I stopped, bought a pregnancy test and cried for an hour at a small diner. Luckily for me, they needed help and I officially needed money.
I've been here ever since, making money, working at the run down diner just off the highway.
Staring down at the picture, I feel tears collecting in my eyes but swallow down the cry as I hop off the table and make my way to the small apartment over the diner.
When I unlock my door, I kick a small envelope that must've been slipped underneath. Bending over to pick it up might be a bit of a challenge. But, I manage to do it, flipping it over to see that it was hand delivered since there's no stamp or address. Just my name, and not the one I've been going by since I got here.
ONYX is written in bold letters across the middle. I rip it open and pull out the thick card stock to see:
We invite you to celebrate our children: Kenan Alexander Mazitti & Esme Daphne Wilson as they tie their lives together.
Vomit rises up my throat as I drop the wedding invitation. Running to the sink I lose my entire lunch and the delicious cookie I ate earlier, then wash my mouth out.
He's really marrying her, and someone knows where I am. Why would they invite me? I'm supposed to be dead.
Panic sets in when I turn around, wiping my mouth with the clean hand towel I pull from the counter, and see Candace is sitting on my dilapidated couch with a gun sitting on the table in front of her.
“Did you really think you could run off with my grand-babies?” She asks, crossing her right leg over her left knee.
“I-” my stomach threatens to expel whatever I have left in there.
“Stop. I'm not here to hurt you. I've known you were here the whole time. Can I see the sonogram?” She asks, holding a hand out.
I nod, rushing over as my entire body shakes, handing her the picture and back off.
“Twins.” She smiles, a genuine smile.
“Are you going to take them from me?” I ask, putting my hands over my belly, protecting them from her.
“No sweet dear. I won't hurt you or your children.” She puts the photo on the table and leans forward, uncrossing her legs as she pushes up off the couch. “I also can't have you living here.”
“He's getting married, because you told him to. He did this to me. I'm not going back. He doesn't deserve me.” I spit out.
“Come have a seat. It's time for a mother daughter conversation.” She says, holding a hand with a fucking gun in it out for me to take.