CHAPTER TWENTY ONE | Beck
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Beck
The day after the betrayal
A NGER, BETRAYAL, GUILT , disgust, confusion, love, fear.
Everything rampages through me like a caged fucking tiger missing the free wild life. I’ve sunken into the abyss of my loss, unsure if I’ll be able to crawl my way out of this.
Another Life by Motionless In White plays on repeat over and over again as I lay on my bed drowning in the lyrics. I let him do this to us, I played by his stupid rules, did what he said and didn’t tell her and he ruined it all.
I hate that I need them, that I want them. I want to crawl into his bed and wake up from this nightmare that’s played in my head all day. I need this all to be a distant memory. I feel like I'm drowning .
Laying on my floor in the middle of my living room, I lift a piece of pizza to my lips, choking back a sob as I eat away the pain, suffering through one bite at a time.
Two weeks after the betrayal
I stand on stage, singing Bulletproof by Godsmack, drunk and dancing as I have the time of my miserable existence. The alcohol ripples through me as I sway, barely staying upright.
Every second my eyes are open, I see them and every night I close my eyes I feel them. My heart aches as I try to find myself again. I haven’t seen Kenan since that night, how could I after what he did to us. To me. He was my best fucking friend and I lost him, I lost her.
Music is supposed to help the soul heal, and this song will be my anthem, helping me find who I am without them. Kenan’s called me a few times and sent me several texts, but I haven’t responded to a single one. I can’t bring myself to talk to him. If I hear his voice, I’ll fall to my knees for him.
When my song ends the crowd shouts and I stumble down, falling into the arms of some guy. “Oh, sweet boy.” He says, keeping me from face planting the ground. “Whoever broke you, they’ll get what’s coming to them.” He says, putting me up on my feet, “But whatever happened, you won’t find your peace at the bottom of a bottle.” He says, as if he knows me.
“Fuck Lou.” I say,
“I’d rather not fuck Lou, whoever that is.” He laughs, but now I’m confused, because who is Lou and why are we talking about him?
Shaking my head, I push off the guy, not even bothering to look at his face, because it doesn’t matter what he looks like, he’s not Kenan.
When I get back to my apartment, I see the mess I’ve left behind. Empty pizza boxes, bottles of half drank booze laying around. I kick my shoes off and trip heading to my bed. I drop with a sigh, tucking what I think is my pillow under my head and letting the darkness consume me.
Stupid Kenan.
One month after the betrayal
I found a job, it doesn’t pay anything like he did, but it’s money to pay the bills. I no longer think about him, if I don’t mentally say his name then maybe I won’t hurt anymore.
Sometimes when I’m walking in the streets, I’ll see a beautiful blonde woman and hope like hell when she turns around that Onyx smiles at me. But it’s never her.
“Hey Kip.” I say, walking into the store. We sell collection items. Everything from old baseball cards, to the newest set of Magic the Gathering.
Cards Galore. That’s what the store is called, dumb and I know I don’t belong here. I’m good at it though. People seem to enjoy coming in and talking to me. Especially the women. I guess it’s because I don’t look like the stereotypical nerd. My nerd self stayed hidden behind the strong front of fighting and being a bodyguard for him. But I could totally nerd out over some Pokemon cards any fucking day of the week.
“Beck, you have the floor. I’m going on break.” He says with a nod as I step behind the counter.
Everything is starting to slowly piece back together, one painful brick at a time while I try to restore the soul crushing moment that left me in shattered bits across my living room floor.
I will find that part of me again, the one that I lost along the way, that made me sink so fucking low that I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror.
“Do you buy card collections?” A voice asks, pulling me out of my head.
“Yes, what do you have?” I ask, stepping up to the counter as he opens his binder.
My eyes widen at the first card in the binder, and I see a 1999 Pokemon First Edition Charizard, Holographic. “What the fuck?” I say gasping as I lean closer to look at it. “Where did you get this?” I ask, pointing to the beautiful rarity that has walked into this store.
“It was my grandfather's, he’s passed on and he left me his Pokemon cards.” The guy grunts. “Like that’s worth anything.” This dumb fucking kid, I’m going to need Jesus after this, because I’m going to try my best to talk into selling me that card.
Clearing my throat, I stand up, straightening my shirt, “How much do you want for the binder?” I ask, flipping to the next page, spotting more cards that would make any card collector cum in his pants at the sight.
“I was thinking ten grand.” He says.
“That’s a steep price for us.” I reply, continuing to page through the cards. That would be my entire allowed budget for the month, and it’s only the second. I wouldn’t be allowed to purchase another card until the first rolls around again. Shit.
“I’d take five, but the Charizard card leaves with me.”
“You want five thousand just for the Charizard card?” I ask, cocking a brow at him.
“I did my research, sort of. It’s not in mint condition and I haven’t had it appraised or whatever to get that thing they do, but it’s worth a lot.” He nods.
“I have to call my boss.” I reply, pulling my phone out and dialing Kip’s number. He answers after the first ring. “Kip, there’s a kid here with a RCC.” He told me to never state what they have when we have cards, that if certain cards came through the store while he wasn’t here, we had codes for them. RCC equals Rare Charizard Card. There’s a few others, including baseball cards and Magic cards, but this one I’ve been on the lookout for myself. Not that I could afford actually owning it.
“I’ll be right there.” He says, hanging up the phone without so much as a goodbye.
“My boss is on his way. He’ll take over from here. Please have a look around while you wait.” The kid nods, picks up the binder and starts looking around. It’d be amazing if that card made its way into this shop.
After a very long forty-five minutes, Kip buys the full binder for eighty-five hundred. Stating that if the card sells, then we’d call him back for a percentage. Signed contract and all.
“Fucking beautiful card.” I say, admiring it in the case Kip put it in.
“I’ll have it appraised.” Kip locks the cabinet and leaves again, probably to finish his lunch.
Losing myself in the card, I stare at it for far too long, until I see a reflection in the case, forcing my heart into my throat as I jump up and turn around.
Kenan?
When my eyes land on the man behind me my entire body drops, I’m not sure what I expected, but it’s not him and I don’t know how I feel about that. What would happen if he showed up?
Three months after the betrayal
My phone is ringing.
Why?
Pushing my blanket off, I stumble out of bed and grab it from my dresser, unplugging it and let my eyes focus on the name.
Candace.
“Fuck.” I say out loud as I swipe the call to answer it. “Mrs. Mazitti.” I say, waking up faster due to who is calling.
“Beckett.” She’s been crying.
“What happened?” I ask, panic lacing through me like a fucking stab through the heart. “Is it Kenan?” A lump in my throat nearly stops me from breathing as my mouth dries out waiting for her to answer.
“We need you at the hospital.” She says, sucking in a breath attempting to calm herself down.
“Tell me what happened!” I shout, reaching for my light switch, flicking it up to turn the lamp on.
“Ke..he..” There’s a sound, like the phone dropping as my heart stops beating.
“He what?” I shout, pulling my drawer open to get a shirt. “Hello?” I say when there’s no answer.
“Beck. It’s Garrett. Kenan jumped off the Bond Bridge.” He says into the phone, my entire world stops spinning as I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. “He’s alive, but we need you here, he needs you here.”
I can’t speak, my tongue is frozen.
“Beckett.” Garrett snaps me out of whatever daze I’m walking through.
“Yeah. Text me which hospital.” I say, hanging up on them so I can get dressed. Kenan, the toughest son of a bitch I’ve ever met in my life, the carefree man who gave no fucks what people thought, tried to kill himself.
I burst through the waiting room doors finding his entire family sitting there. His brother JT, who has been gone for months, is even here. “Beckett.” Maci cries, slamming her body into mine. I look around, notating everyone that’s here.
Maci, Cara, JT, Axel, Cordelia, Damien, Garrett, Aaron, Cara’s guys, but no Candace or Ethan. “Where’s Ethan and Candace?” I ask as Maci pulls away, wiping her cheeks.
“They’re back there with him. They’re only allowing two at a time.”
“We don’t know how to get a hold of Onyx.” Cordelia says, holding a small baby against her chest.
“She’s dead.” I admit, keeping the lie alive. Shaking my head I stand there, not sure what I’m feeling. Honestly, my body feels numb, like I’ve been dreaming for months, floating through the universe waiting to find my way home.
All of their faces drop, and I’m not sure if he told them that we ‘killed’ her. What do they think happened to her after he proclaimed that she would be his?
They are my family. All of them, these people helped me when I needed it most and I just stopped talking to them. “Hey kid.” Aaron says, dropping an arm over my shoulder. “Do you want to see him?” He asks.
“I can’t take his parents' time, they need to be with him.” I say, shaking my head as I step out of his grip. “Will he survive?” I ask, needing to know that answer with my whole soul.
“He has a broken wrist, some damage to his shoulder and plenty of bruising. If he wakes up, then the doctors are sure he’ll be fine. The issue is they don’t know why he won’t wake up.”
“Maybe because he jumped off a fucking bridge!” I snarl at them. “Why would he do this?”
“He’s been trying to kill himself for a couple of months.” Cara blurts out with a sob, but regrets it and covers her mouth.
“What?” I ask, feeling my eyes burn as I force back the tears.
“Well, since you left he’s been different. Keeping to himself, drinking more, always high. When did Onyx die?” Maci’s face scrunches, like she’s trying to piece things together.
“The night I left.” I reply as everything clicks into place for them. The catastrophe that they knew nothing about is what sent their son and brother into his spiral leading us all here. Kenan in a hospital bed and his family suffering from his actions.
“How many times has he tried to kill himself?” I ask, looking at each of them, wondering why they didn’t call me sooner.
“At least three times.” Cara says, hanging her head in shame.
“Those are just the times we’ve seen or had to help.” Axel admits.
“And none of you fucking pricks called me until this one?” I’m seething, gritting my teeth as I clench my fists at my side. Anger, that’s good, I’m not numb anymore. But once this anger dies off, what comes next?