CHAPTER 9
Finn
Cal has Declan in a chokehold while Declan flails wildly, trying to make contact with the taser. Victoria is probably naked as well, but she’s wrapped in a sheet and leaning against the headboard, watching the violence with complete calm.
“I’ve got this,” Declan squeaks, but it looks like he’s about to lose consciousness.
Special K leaps across the room to tackle Cal, but Cal manages to grab the taser and zap Declan, then cold cocks him, before Special K body slams him.
Declan goes rigid and falls like a tree just as Special K drops his fat ass on our oldest brother, who’s fighting with everything he has.
Fortunately, Special K has close to twenty pounds on him.
It’s my turn. I rope and tie Cal’s ankles and wrists, which takes longer than I’d hoped because Evander has decided not to help. He stands off to the side with his arms crossed. I know it’s because he doesn’t want to muss his girly-man suit.
That Project Runway motherfucker drives me crazy.
Cal’s still fighting and calling us all kinds of names that his new bride shouldn’t be hearing.
“You fucking greasy-haired shitbag scrotum sucks!”
Evander sighs, grabs a dirty sock off the floor, and shoves it in Cal’s mouth, which only makes him angrier. Cal’s face is purple. His eyeballs look like they’re about to pop from his skull.
I spread out the tarp. Those of us still conscious throw Cal on top of it and roll him tight.
I add a second layer of rope around his chest and ankles.
Special K and I each grab an end of the tarp and lift Cal, while Evander grabs Declan from the floor and swings him over his shoulder. That pussy is still out cold.
“Excuse me,” Victoria says from her relaxed position in the bed. We freeze and turn to her.
“We’re leaving for our honeymoon this afternoon.” She sounds bored. “Will you please have him back by two?”
“Unless he has a coronary from the stress,” Special K answers.
“You mean, unless we have a coronary from the stress,” I correct him.
We struggle our way outside and down the porch steps to the lane, and only then do we realize that no one thought to park a getaway vehicle in front of Cal’s house. Evander runs off to get his Genesis G460 SUV. Declan’s limp body bounces around on his shoulder.
Special K and I set the tarp on the gravel next to the beer cooler and look at each other.
“Should we make a breathing hole for him, do you think?”
K shrugs. “He’ll probably survive without one.”
The tarp is a huge, wiggling burrito of rage.
K grunts and retrieves his pocketknife. He bends over the cocoon. “Unless you want a blade in your eye, hold still.” He cuts a small slit near Cal’s nose and takes a moment to ensure the sock gag remains in place.
A few moments later, we get Cal thrown into the SUV’s cargo area and the rest of us load up. Evander’s at the wheel and I’m riding shotgun. Special K and the limp pussy are in the back seat. We start the trek to our favorite spot on the ranch—Sulphur Springs.
Cal is making a hell of a racket back there. Declan finally starts to regain consciousness. We drive down a dirt road and away from our houses and ranch operations.
“What happened?” Declan asks, sitting up.
“You were a god amongst men,” I tell him. “Superman and James Bond rolled into one unstoppable force.”
“Fuck-n-A right I was,” he says, blinking.
Special K grunts.
“Hey!” Evander yells. “Stop kicking my fucking car, Cal! I just had it detailed!”
We get to Sulphur Springs in record time, well before seven o’clock.
It’s a cool, sunny morning, and we get out of the car and stretch.
Eventually, we all gather around the dark-tinted back window.
Cal is still making a hell of a racket, and Evander’s SUV is definitely going to need another detail job, as well as some dent work.
At least he hasn’t busted out the glass.
Evander looks at all of us. “Who’s going to open the liftgate? Because I can assure you, it won’t be me.”
“Me either,” Declan says. “I’m still kinda woozy.”
“I’ll do it.” And that’s what Special K does.
The door raises. Cal rolls out from the cargo area in a fit.
He hits the dirt. I’m happy to see that my exterior ropes are holding, and the tarp is only partially shredded.
I know we’re all thinking the same thing.
We’re considering leaving him tied up for the foreseeable future, because Cal sure doesn’t seem to be enjoying our quality family time.
“We’re going to untie and unwrap you,” Evander tells Cal. “But you better calm the fuck down or Special K will go medieval on your ass and we’ll just leave you out here for the buzzards. You understand me, big brother?”
To answer, Cal violently struggles against his bindings.
“Somebody sit on him while I do this,” Special K says.
Declan and Evander look at me. I sigh, but I go ahead and sit on Cal, pinning him down with my inner thighs. It takes a while, and I’ll have a few bumps and bruises afterward, but K manages to slice open the tarp and cut the ropes.
We all jump back, giving Cal plenty of room to flail.
Okay. He seems pissed off.
He rounds on us. He’s still naked, and he’s fighting red from his head to his toes. “That was my wedding night! Wedding. Fucking. Night!”
“Technically, it’s the morning after your wedding night,” Declan says, then immediately hides behind Special K.
Cal points to Evander. “Give me your pants.”
“These aren’t pants. They’re bespoke trousers made of the finest—”
“Shut the fuck up about your virgin wool,” Declan snaps.
“Here. Take mine.” I rip off my jeans and hand them to Cal.
Special K sighs and grabs the cooler from the back seat. “We doing this or what? I’ve got shit to do today.”
We head over to the springs. We each grab a perfectly chilled beer and pop the caps. We clink bottles.
“A toast to the only married MacLaine,” I say, my bottle raised high in Cal’s direction.
“And married to a perfect woman,” Declan adds.
“You bet your ass she’s a perfect woman,” Cal growls.
“To Lieutenant MacLaine. He led us in war. He leads us in domesticity,” I add.
Everyone gives me a pointed look, and I know what they’re thinking. I was the first one married, by a long shot. I was the one who led in domesticity, but it was taken away too soon.
That’s why I made a point of giving Cal this win, so no one would mention Amy. Mentioning her wouldn’t be fair to Cal, since this is the happiest moment of our oldest brother’s life.
Or at least it was, right up until the abduction.
We all guzzle our bottles, grab a second, and strip down to soak in the natural hot springs. We each find a boulder to lounge on and enjoy this last bit of time before Cal leaves with Victoria on their honeymoon, a married man, all responsible and committed and shit.
Cal nods in my direction. “Maybe you’ll be the next to fall, Finn.”
“Me?” I’m frozen with terror. Has he read my thoughts about Emma? There’s no such thing as personal space in this fucking family!
“Now that you have a housekeeper, you can get back out there,” Declan clarifies. “Watch out, women of Earth, Finlay MacLaine is on the prowl!”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
Cal slaps my back. “Take your time, man. You’ll get out there when you’re good and ready.”
“Here’s to being good and ready,” Evander says.
We laugh and clink our bottles one last time.
That’s when I notice that somehow, Special K has managed to slink away from his boulder and the conversation. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him gathering up all of Evander’s clothes—shirt, suit, shoes, underwear—and chucking everything over the edge of a nearby culvert.
And it’s on again.