Chapter 4 #2
“He’s a pretty cool guy,” Kemp said, getting that dopey, proud-papa smile that secretly melted me deep inside.
“Ryder, you should hold him,” our mom said, walking over to my brother.
Every muscle in my body tensed.
“I don’t want to hold him, Mom,” Ryder said.
It was a known fact that my brother wasn’t comfortable around kids. It was easy to figure out why, but he didn’t like to talk about it. I shot my mom a look, silently willing her to drop it. She knew better.
“Do you want pie or cookies, Mom?” I asked, hoping to distract her.
“Pie, please, even if it’s not homemade.”
“And what did you make to share with everybody?” Ryder asked her pointedly.
“It was all I could do to get here, Ryder.” She pressed a kiss to Oliver’s head and moved closer to my brother. “Here, take him. He’s a lovey little—”
“Dammit, Mom, I said I don’t want to hold him.” Ryder moved his chair a few inches away from her to make a point. “What is wrong with you?”
“I just think you could use some tenderness in your life,” our mother said.
With his pie half gone, Ryder dropped his fork on his plate, making a loud clink. “I’m outta here.” He pushed his chair back, stood, emptied his plate into the trash, and set it in the sink.
I stood too. “Ryder, you don’t have to go. Mom is not going to ask you to hold Oliver again. Right, Mom?”
She shrugged and put on an aggravating innocent act. “I just thought he’d benefit from a snuggle from a sweet, warm baby.”
Ryder grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and stormed through the living room and out the door.
I exchanged a look with Kemp, whose eyes were full of understanding. He was no stranger to any of my family drama, but it’d been a few years since he’d experienced it firsthand.
Sitting back down at the table, I said, “Try your pie, Mom. I’ll take Oliver so you can eat.”
“It would do him good to think about someone else in his life,” she said as she handed Oliver to me.
The irony of that statement coming from her wasn’t lost on me.
I took in a slow breath, trying to ignore what she said, but some days I just wanted to shake some sense and common decency into her. “You knew what his response would be,” I said calmly.
“So it’s my fault your brother stomped out of here like a toddler having a tantrum?”
She was the only toddler here today, but I shoved a bite of pie into my mouth to keep from saying it.
“You know what?” my mom continued, shoving her uneaten pie away. “It’s time for me to go too. I can tell when I’m not welcome.”
I closed my eyes as she stomped to the living room, her straw-colored hair bouncing with her indignation, and grabbed her coat and purse. I refused to beg her to stay. In fact, I’d be glad when she was gone. My patience with her had limits, and she’d surpassed them five minutes ago.
“Be right back,” I muttered to Kemp apologetically, handing his son over to him.
I went into the living room and saw my mom to the door.
I skipped wishing her a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year.
The truth was, my mom would never be happy.
Not until she got professional help, which she refused to do.
“Bye, Mom. Talk to you soon,” I said as if I wasn’t put out with her.
“Bye, Kemp,” she called out all pleasant-like.
“Bye, Mrs. D. Drive safe.”
Without addressing me specifically, she went out the door and on her way.
“Byyyye,” I said quietly after I shut the door. I stood there, reining in my annoyance.
Kemp came up behind me with Oliver in one arm. I felt his big hand on my back. “You okay?” he asked in a concerned voice.
I pivoted, smiled, and said, “Yep. My tension just lowered by half the second she walked out the door.”
“Let’s go sit down and eat pie.”
“You have the best ideas.” I tapped Oliver’s adorable nose. “Your daddy’s a smart one.”
Kemp didn’t crack a grin. “I want to talk to you about something.”
“Oh?” I asked as we went toward the table. “Are you ending our friendship because my family’s too much?”
Now he did lighten up a little. “If that were the case, I would’ve done it years ago.”
“Fair point. I should get a high chair for when you come over,” I said as we sat down.
“When’s your lease up here?” Kemp asked, serious once again.
I frowned, trying to catch up. “I… It’s month-to-month, I think. After the first year, I’m pretty sure it changed to that. I’d have to find it and check. Why?”
Kemp jabbed his fork through the pie but stopped without scooping up the bite. “I’ve got a deal to propose. It’s a big ask.”
“Just ask,” I said, curiosity making me forget my own pie for a minute.
“Hear me out. What if you moved into my place and lived rent free? Then you’d be there for Oliver on nights when I get called out.
He’s got a daytime spot with Quincy starting tomorrow, at least until her baby comes this summer.
Her rates are fair, but daycare isn’t cheap, and I still have the nighttime problem.
” He expelled a breath, but before I could organize my thoughts, he continued, “If I get the lieutenant position and somehow figure out a way to keep up with the brewery too, maybe I’ll be able to pay a nanny for those nights, but for now, I’m at my limit in more ways than one. ”
“You’re really going to go for lieutenant?” I asked, because that was easier than sorting through my thoughts about his proposition.
“Of course. If I’m going to keep fighting fires, why wouldn’t I want the paid position?” He finally shoved the bite in his mouth.
“I guess I’m still questioning the two-careers thing,” I said. We’d discussed it at length yesterday.
I understood his stance. Firefighting was an honorable endeavor, and sure, a paycheck for doing it would be great.
But his heart had always been way more into the brewery.
Rusty Anchor Brewing was his and Holden’s pride and joy.
He lived and breathed that job. He was the mastermind behind all their beer.
Firefighting he did more out of duty and some kind of connection to his late father.
Balancing the two had always worked, but now he had a son, and I didn’t think he was truly grasping how crazy it was to take on all three.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to do it,” Kemp said, jabbing another bite. “Like I said, it’s a lot to ask of anyone.”
“I’m not anyone,” I said, giving up the argument against firefighting for now and turning my thoughts to moving. To Kemp’s.
He was right about it being a big ask. He couldn’t actually know how big. Living with this man who was everything to me? Who I’d had feelings for forever? Without those feelings being returned? Without him figuring out just how much I cared?
I swallowed. “Where would I sleep?” There was only the master, Natalie’s room, and an office on the main floor, plus Kemp’s domain in the basement from when he was a teenager. The last I’d been down there, it was full of extra furniture and his parents’ belongings in boxes.
“I figured you could take Natalie’s room. I’ll put this guy’s crib in the office for now until I can rearrange things.”
“For a year?” I asked.
“For however long you want. If I get lieutenant and hire a nanny, you can still be my roommate. Or you can find a place if hanging out with a dad and his kid isn’t your thing.”
I was afraid it might be too much my thing. Could I live with him and Oliver and keep some kind of mental boundaries in place so I didn’t forget I was just the roommate?
“I want to make it clear,” he said. “I’m not asking you to move in as a full-time co-parent. That wouldn’t be fair. But if we could work out a system where you’re around when I’m on call, so I’d know Oliver’ll be cared for… That’s what I’m looking for.”
“When will you know if you made lieutenant?”
He shrugged, his knee bouncing like he was nervous. “Couple months at least.”
I forked a bite of pie on autopilot, working up my courage. Part of me wanted nothing more than to help Kemp, to be there for him, and to love on his little boy to my heart’s content. But the other part of me knew it could be dangerous to my heart.
“Imagine what it’d be like to no longer live in fear of getting locked in the bathroom,” he teased. “And we could split cleaning and cooking, so we’d both be doing less. Win-win.”
“When would you want me to move in?”
“As soon as you can. Depends on your lease though, doesn’t it?”
“I’m sure Morris will be flexible. Worst case, I’ll have to give him thirty days’ notice, but that just means one more month of rent. It doesn’t mean I have to stay all thirty days.
“You said will,” he pointed out. “Morris will be flexible. Does that mean you’re up for it?”
On paper, it was an easy yes. Free rent? Spending time with one of my favorite people and his sweet son? Sharing meal duties with another adult? I’d be crazy not to…if I didn’t have all these hidden feelings.
“Tell Anna your daddy trusts her more than anyone,” he said, turning Oliver to face me and pointing so the baby’s big blue eyes fixed on me.
Oliver cooed and babbled; his eyes lit up as he considered me.
“You don’t play fair, Kemp Ronald Essex,” I said, falling a little more for Oliver in that moment.
“All’s fair in babies and war,” he quipped.
It would be an internal war to resist falling more for Kemp, but I knew, in spite of that, I couldn’t say no. Not to the guy who’d been through thick and thin with me practically since we were born. And certainly not to his irresistible infant son.
I slowly nodded my head. “I’m in, Kemp. I’ll move in with you.”