Chapter 21
CALLIE
I stopped pretending somewhere between Hawk’s hands and Diesel’s mouth.
I’d told myself, and them, that this didn’t mean anything.
I wanted that to be true. Wanted this to be nothing more than adrenaline looking for an exit, fear needing an outlet.
All of that was probably true. Seven years of keeping my guard up, and they found the crack in my armor.
Fear needed somewhere to go, and I’d been running on fumes for two days straight.
I’d been bracing for impact and this moment, this single night of releasing all that pent-up energy left me light on my feet and feeling better than I had in years.
I hadn’t forgotten how they made me feel, but I had pushed it to the back of my mind because losing it was never an option.
Hawk kept control just like always. Diesel watched me with that steadiness I’d tried to understand but still confused me at times. He was still steady, still deliberate with every movement. He paid attention. They all did.
Colt proved it every time he touched me. He remembered what I liked, what made me gasp and between all three of them, I didn’t stand a chance.
My body ached in all the right places, and when Colt took Diesel’s place between my legs, I wasn’t sure if I had one more orgasm in me.
Colt being Colt, proved I did. He murmured my name in my ear as he entered me with that consuming, reckless and devoted passion that had consumed me years ago.
They were familiar but my heart remained fully focused on the fact that Cody slept down the hall. That was the biggest difference. Even as I fell apart one last time in Colt’s arms, the stakes were different this time.
Cody mattered more than the time that had passed, the ledger, and the Hellhounds combined.
I rested my head in the crook of Colt’s neck and breathed him in.
I’d missed this. All of this. I’d missed them more than I let myself realize.
My heart drummed hard enough it whooshed in my ears.
The compound settled around us with little creaks and groans from the old wood, sounds that I’d never stuck around long enough to find familiar.
Hawk and Diesel stood behind me and Colt, their bodies loose but ready for action at a moment’s notice. I’d never mastered that, but I needed to learn.
I pulled away from Colt and reached for my shirt. “This was great, but it doesn’t change anything.”
Colt shifted his weight to the side, bending to retrieve his pants.
Hawk and Diesel dressed in the semi-dark, the taut lines of their shoulders making the movements stiff and distracting.
“It was stress. We were all wound up from the last two days and it needed somewhere to go. That’s all this was.” I pulled the shirt over my head. “Now we can go back to handling the actual problem.” Which I hadn’t been willing to discuss.
Colt turned his head and looked at me. There was just enough light in the kitchen to catch on his eyes and show the flash of hurt that skated over his features.
No. That couldn’t be right. He was angry with me for keeping Cody a secret.
“I have a kid down the hall.” I forced my voice to steady and yanked on my jeans before my hands started to shake. “I can’t do this again. I can’t let this be a thing because last time I ended up alone with a positive pregnancy test.”
“It wasn’t.” Colt straightened and set his hands on his hips.
“Colt.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You can call it whatever you need to, but that doesn’t change what it was. And you being alone last time was your decision. Don’t act like that was our fault either. We screwed up. I’ll admit that, but I deserved to know, Callie.”
I buttoned my jeans and sat to pull on my socks and boots, avoiding Colt’s gaze because if I looked at him too long, I’d end up apologizing. I’d done what I thought was right, and I’d do it all again. My jaw locked. To hell with it. To hell with them and their anger.
“Tonight was the first honest thing you’ve let yourself have since you walked away.
” Hawk adjusted his jeans and shrugged into his shirt with a careless motion that almost ripped the material down the center.
His attention locked on me, his control slipping a fraction.
“You can try to go back to whatever you were before, but the truth is you missed this. You missed us, and you hate yourself for it. It’s not a weakness, Callie. ”
“Don’t analyze me.”
He tucked his shirt into the front of his jeans. “I’m not. I’m telling you what I see. What I know. You and Colt are so much alike. You want to push us away. You’re thinking about whether you have a chance to run. Well, you don’t.”
Fuck. I tried to hide my dismay by ducking my head.
Couldn’t he see that me staying here was a huge mistake?
We’d proven that once already, and even with a change in the rules, Cody and I were not safe here.
My heart was not safe here. I cared too much about them, and I didn’t have room for the fear that came with all of them being in danger because of me.
Were they my best option at keeping Cody safe? That was the question that had kept me here this long despite everything.
“What are you going to do about the Hellhounds? What are you doing about the fact that there was a tracker under my car?”
“We’re handling it.” Hawk just kept looking at me.
I couldn’t tell if he was waiting for me to fall apart or finally decide to trust him.
Maybe a bit of both. And I couldn’t handle that I didn’t know.
“Handling it how? With what? A plan you haven’t told me, which blows your whole ‘I’ve changed’ bullshit out of the water.
I won’t sit by and let you try to manage me and my son.
If you can’t tell me what’s being done aside from putting up security cameras and checking windows, then I’m out. ”
It was more than I’d have been able to do for myself, but saying so meant letting them see me vulnerable. No thanks. I’d rather come off as a raging bitch than see an ounce of pity on their faces when they realized just how much I’d struggled without them.
“Diesel is pulling everything he can from the tracker. I have calls going out tonight to people who owe me answers. Colt is running route options in case we need to move.” Hawk nodded toward each man, but his gaze never left mine.
“You are staying here. We’re keeping Cody close, and you are not leaving this property without telling someone where you’re going.
” He shook his head. “Fuck that. You’re not going anywhere without one of us. ”
I crossed my arms and pulled them tight across my stomach, hoping it would keep him from seeing the rapid breaths making my head spin. “And if I decide I’m done taking orders from you?”
If I could just piss him off enough, I might be able to stop being so bitchy. Which made no sense when I thought it through, but I’d spent too long taking care of me and Cody to hand over our care without a fight.
“Then you decide that.” Hawk still didn’t move.
He didn’t have to. “And I follow you anyway, because you are not going to disappear with Cody while someone is actively hunting you. You can be furious. You can kick and scream and rage if that makes you feel better. I don’t give a fuck.
You can hate every part of this arrangement, but you’re staying alive, and you’re staying here so I can make sure of it. ”
Colt straightened from where he’d been fixing his boots and looked at me with a muted expression I didn’t have the ability to read or fully understand. But anger danced at the edges of his features, showing in the tightening around his eyes and the way his mouth crimped.
My throat worked hard to swallow back a rush of tears. I was so tired of all of it. Tired of being alone. Tired of being the only person I trusted.
But I had to keep my emotional distance.
“I want to know the plan.” I swung my head around to Hawk so I didn’t have to watch Colt’s hurt spread across his face.
“The real plan. I don’t want some bullshit version that you think will keep me calm.
If you so much as even hint that I’m being overly emotional, I will castrate you.
I’m allowed to feel every fucking thing I want, and no one is going to tell me otherwise. ” Not like last time.
“In the morning, when I have more answers.” He turned toward the door.
“I don’t want to wait until morning.” I followed after him, almost catching up.
He stopped with his hand on the door and turned. “You need to sleep. We all need to sleep before we lose our minds. You’re no good to Cody running on empty, and I can’t focus on protecting the two of you if I’m dead on my feet.”
Poor choice of words but I understood the implication.
Hawk ran his knuckles down my cheek in a move so tender the threat of tears rushed up so fast I almost couldn’t stop them. “If anything changes, I’ll come get you. But for now, rest.”
Colt crossed the room and stopped close enough that his scent filled my head with that sweet and spicy tang of leather and orange.
He pressed his lips to my forehead and looped an arm around my waist. “I know you’re scared.
I’m fucking terrified.” He dropped his mouth to my ear.
“We’re not going anywhere, Callie. You can keep trying to push us away if it makes you feel better, but we’re here. I’m right here.”
But he wouldn’t stay. The words stuck in my throat. Thank goodness, because the moment I admitted that I wanted him to find the strength to stick around was the day I lost my whole heart to him.
Diesel shifted his weight, leaning slightly away from the window where he’d been perched since putting on his clothes.
“Hawk.” It wasn’t what he said but how he said Hawk’s name that lifted every hair on the back of my neck and sent a shiver down my spine.
Diesel glared out the window. “Someone’s outside. ”