Chapter 49 Weston
WESTON
I’m good at triage. Cuts and burns, and the kind of stuff you can put your hands on and work through one step at a time.
What I’m learning now, sitting cross-legged on Elena’s living room floor with T.J.
Ramirez and a half-finished LEGO fire station, is that fear in a kid doesn’t work that way.
Instead of bleeding where you can see it, it hides in pauses, like the way T.J.
freezes when a car backfires somewhere in the distance.
In the evenings, he wants all the lights in the house on after sunset. While we build, he keeps one hand close to me, like he needs proof I’m still here.
T.J. squints at the instruction booklet. “You put one in the wrong spot.”
He’s right. Damn. “Good catch.”
The boy grins, and for a second, he looks like himself again. “You skipped a whole page.”
“I’m choosing to call that creative interpretation.”
T.J. shakes his head. “That’s not how LEGOs work.”
“Says who?”
“Says everybody. Except maybe you and Ms. Whitaker.”
I huff out a laugh and hand him the booklet. “Then I’m glad I’m working with an expert.”
Elena’s soft laugh drifts toward us from the kitchen, where she and Buck are cleaning up after dinner. Calder is outside, taking the trash cans to the curb and probably doing an unofficial neighborhood watch, even though the danger is over.
Over. I handle that thought gently, as if too much pressure might crack it. Anton Kozlov is dead, and the men he’d hired are gone. Federal debriefings are done, and Moon Ridge is safe. Elena and T.J. are safe.
And somehow, I’m here, helping an eight-year-old build a toy fire station in the house where I now keep a toothbrush, spare clothes, and more peace than I ever expected to find in my life.
Not that it’s quiet here. With five of us in this small house, things can be noisy, and sometimes we get in each other’s way, but it’s worth it to be together.
Buck’s house is bigger, and he invited Elena to come and live with him, where Calder and I would be right next door, but she doesn’t want to change anything else in T.J.’s life right now, especially something as big as where he sleeps at night.
When recent events are further behind us, we’ll talk about living arrangements. Maybe we’ll build a big new house that holds all of us comfortably—and maybe with space for more.
Out of nowhere, as he snaps two pieces together with fierce concentration, T.J. asks, “Do you think nightmares go away?”
I keep my voice even. “Sometimes.”
His gaze stays on the LEGO pieces. “What if they don’t?”
I set down the brick in my hand and take my time before answering. “Then you get better at not letting them boss you around.” I nudge a tiny plastic ladder toward T.J. “You talk about ‘em. You learn what helps. You remember that waking up means it isn’t real anymore.”
He picks up the ladder and turns it over in his fingers. “Mom says talking helps. That’s why she’s taking me to see Dr. Nancy.”
“Your mom’s smart.”
T.J. peeks up at me. “You have nightmares, too?”
“Yeah.” I keep my tone matter-of-fact. “Not as many as I used to. Some are bad, some are just weird. One time, I dreamed Buck got attacked by a bear because he tried to pet it.”
T.J. laughs, and Buck calls out from the kitchen, “Are you sure I wasn’t the bear?”
“Our brains can be weird, especially in our dreams,” I say.
T.J. nods solemnly, then reaches for the instructions.
We focus on the build for several minutes before he says, “Dr. Nancy wanted me to talk about the fires.”
I let that settle for a moment, and when he doesn’t say anything more, I ask, “Is that hard?”
His voice is nearly a whisper. “I was afraid I’d cry.”
I open our next bag of pieces and ignore the sudden tightness in my throat. “Then you cry.”
He looks over at me with a serious expression as he searches my face. “That doesn’t bother you.”
“Nope.”
“What about my other dads?” T.J.’s asking me, but Buck and Elena are in the doorway now.
“Nope,” Buck says.
From the kitchen, Calder says, “Also nope.”
T.J. leans into my side for a second, then two. “Okay.”
I hook an arm around his shoulders and squeeze once. “You’ve already done the hard part.”
“What was that?”
“Getting through it.”
Elena, Buck, and Calder come over after that and admire our progress. Buck asks questions about the fire station, and we get into a discussion about apparatus bays and bunk rooms. Elena gives us all fond looks and wanders off into the den, probably to do some work.
Later, while Elena’s putting T.J. to bed, the three of us head out to the front porch for fresh air. After a while, Elena joins us, a tired but happy smile on her face.
“How’d he do?” I ask as she settles onto the chair between Buck and me.
“Better.” Her mouth softens. “He asked if bad memories ever get tired of coming back.”
Calder winces. Buck says, “Good question. What did you say?”
“I told him yes, eventually. Especially if you keep letting enough good things in to crowd them out.”
“That’s a good answer,” Buck says.
I think about all the firefights and blood and years of things I still don’t say out loud, and I look forward to the future helping those memories recede into the past. I look forward to letting all kinds of good new things take over the space in my mind.
“He asked if you guys would read bedtime stories to him sometime,” Elena says.
As Buck chuckles fondly, Calder’s quick answer takes me by surprise. “Be glad to.”
I’m smiling as Elena looks around at us. “You’re all so good with him,” she says.
“We love him,” I say easily, knowing I speak for all of us.
“He’s a good kid,” Buck says.
“He is.” Elena’s eyes go glassy for a second as she smiles. “And he loves all of you, too.”
Somewhere down the street, a dog barks, then goes quiet. A cool wind blows, and I’m about to ask Elena if she’d be more comfortable inside, but she tucks her hands into the pockets of Calder’s hoodie she’s wearing, and looks perfectly content.
I watch her for a while, loving how much softer she looks than she did a few weeks ago, and how her body finally seems to rest instead of bracing for whatever might come. Her cheeks are pink, and her lips are slightly curved into a smile, the way they usually are these days.
Without planning to, I say, “I’ve been thinking about something.” As soon as the words come out, my heartbeat kicks harder, making me feel less like a grown man and more like a teenager asking his first girl to dance.
Elena turns toward me. “What’s that?”
“A ceremony.”
She looks curious but confused.
“I know we can’t do it legally, not all of us … not in the way people usually do, but we could do something …”
“Weston—” Elena looks even more confused.
“You’re rambling, Wes,” Buck says.
“A commitment ceremony,” I tell Elena. “I want to stand up and tell the world I’m going to be with you always.”
Her pretty mouth falls open, and I see her say, “Oh,” more than I hear it. The longer she’s quiet, the harder my pulse pounds.
“I like that idea,” Buck says.
“Hell, yeah,” Calder adds.
She looks around at each of us, her face still in disbelief. “You’re serious? All of you?”
I get out of my chair and drop to a knee in front of her. “As serious as a Moon Ridge bake sale. Be ours, Elena.”
She shakes her head, laughs, and playfully pushes at my shoulder. “I already am yours.”
“Be ours officially.” Buck’s tone is fiercely serious, and Elena draws in a sharp breath.
I pull one of her hands from the pocket and take it in mine. “We should have bought a ring before asking, but what do you say? A diamond, a fancy dress, all our friends and family with us?”
Calder slides over to be next to her and reaches for her other hand. “We’ll even wear suits.”
Elena’s smile is radiant, and her eyes are sparkling.
“Oh, well, if you’re going to wear suits.
I guess I need to see that.” Then, she pauses, thinking for a moment.
“Or maybe you can wear your fire department t-shirts. The ones that show off all your muscles.” She lets go of our hands and reaches for Buck’s and Calder’s biceps to give them a squeeze.
“You like a man in uniform?” Buck teases.
“Apparently, I can’t resist.” She strokes a hand over my jaw and leans forward to kiss me before turning to Buck and Calder in turn. When I move in to hug her, she presses her face against my chest, and as I hold her, Buck and Calder wrap their arms around her, too.
We keep holding her and kissing her until we decide we can’t limit ourselves to the kind of affection that’s appropriate for a front porch in Moon Ridge, no matter how sleepy the town may be.
Someday soon, we’ll pick out a ring and discuss a date and a time and other details, but tonight we have other things to do. As I follow Elena into the house, I’m half wrecked with wanting her and half overwhelmed by how much I love this life.