Chapter 46
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Andi
Thanks to sleeping in a vintage armchair two nights in a row, I wake up on Sunday at six in the morning with a crick in my neck so severe I can’t turn my head more than thirty degrees in either direction. I’m twisting my spine to reach for my phone when a groan followed by a crack makes my heart stop. I freeze, but to no avail. Under my unbalanced weight, one leg of my armchair buckles, spitting me out onto the floor.
My tailbone hits the thin carpet hard enough for me to feel it in my teeth. Dazed, I gape back at the collapsed remnants of wood and metal and threadbare upholstery. It only takes one glance for me to know it’s not worth salvaging. It’s too lopsided, too splintered, too broken.
“Rest in peace, old friend,” I say under my breath. I don’t expect Gabe or anyone else to come in today, but after the run-in with Carter on Friday night, I’d rather not take any chances. No one needs to see me sending my chair off like it’s a long-lost friend. Even if it is.
Since sleeping in the office for a third night is off the table, I take a shower in the gender-neutral bathroom downstairs and head to Revivify for my usual. I don’t want to go home yet, not when the thought of reentering the space where I told Cat she should be with me instead of Sally still curdles my insides. Reasoning there’s nothing coffee can’t fix, I bang into Val’s establishment ten minutes before seven.
“We’re not open yet,” she calls from the back.
“Hey, Val,” I say, slumping into a counter seat.
“Andz?” Poking her head out, Val takes me in. “Whoa, you okay?”
“That bad, huh?” I check out my reflection in the glass of my phone. There are new hollows under my eyes, but overall, I don’t look as wrecked as I thought.
“Here,” Val says, delivering me a cold brew. “To tide you over till I get everything else up and running. You doin’ okay?”
Her tone, uncharacteristically tremulous, gives me pause. “Yeah, why? That’s the second time you’ve asked.”
“When you barge into my caf é at seven in the morning on a Sunday, it’s fair for me to assume something might be wrong.” She slides her gaze away from me, though, and busies herself with hauling out a gallon of milk.
She can’t know about what happened on Friday, can she? What are the chances Cat or Sal or someone else came in here yesterday and blabbed about my little confession? Slim to none, I decide. “What is it?” I press. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“I take it you haven’t been online recently,” Val says, pulling a shot.
Frowning, I take a sip of cold brew. “I don’t really do social media.” Ever since leaving Aftermath , I stopped visiting most sites that rely on user-generated content—although I meant to Google myself after reading Ainsley’s email. In the chaos of Friday night, I forgot.
Now, a prickle ricochets up the back of my neck. I snatch my phone off the counter.
“Don’t—” Val says.
I ignore her and scoot over to r/compasshollow. The top post, pinned by the moderators, is a reminder to the community that bullying and harassment of any kind will not be tolerated. I jump past the warnings, straight to the comments section.
[–] [deleted] · 8 hours ago
[removed]
[–] w8k_up_sh33ple · 6 hours ago
The amount of comments I’ve seen from haters saying Andi looks like a man is downright disappointing. Not surprising considering the fans Heartrender has.
[–] IAmCa1igula · 6 hours ago
I think you mean number of comments
[–] realRonaldRumpus · 38 minutes ago
jans right tho andz didnt do shit for aftermath whyd they even hire that c*nt they shouldve hired someone who can actually right
[–] BurntNjal · 36 minutes ago
naw dude jan’s the one who looked stupid last week what a loser
[–] loofahsforbreakfast · 12 minutes ago
^ this. He ain’t done shit since Aftermath. Least Andz is working on something new.
[–] Anonymous19062020 · 8 minutes ago
do u think andz still lives where he did 3 years ago?
[–] daddys-coconuts · 4 minutes ago
They*. Don’t be a bigot while you’re being a dick. Also, reporting your comment.
I don’t keep reading. I have some self-preservation skills. It doesn’t matter that not all the comments are bad. The pressure around my head drops, and I feel my eardrums pop.
“Andz?” Val says.
I try to think about happier things. The way Cat’s hands knitted with mine, like they were made for me to hold. Her warm breath as she tilted her chin up toward me. The fall of her hair across her sun-freckled cheeks as I almost—almost—bent down to kiss her a second time. But she rejected me, in no uncertain terms. Without any hesitation, she stated, I’m still with Sally .
Suddenly, Boulder feels too small, too claustrophobic. I need out, need the open road and space and a hundred million stars overhead.
“Hey, Andi?” Val prompts, this time placing a hand on my shoulder.
I shake her off. There’s one place in the world I can think of to go to. Mumbling an apology in Val’s direction, I leave Revivify and run back toward the Heartrender garage.
I need the mountains.