Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Magnolia
Despite the state of my personal life and an underlying nervousness about my upcoming talk with Luke, I was riding a bit of a high as Presley and West’s wedding and reception ended, even though the only sip of alcohol I’d consumed was for the champagne toasts hours ago.
We’d sent off the ravingly happy bride and groom earlier, and the guests didn’t linger for long after their departure since it was Christmas Eve. We’d had enough food but not too much, the music had been on point, the barn was honestly a fantastic venue, and an atmosphere of love and joy prevailed.
My second successful wedding was in the books, and it felt tremendous.
The catering staff had done a thorough cleanup of the kitchen and all the tables while I’d packed up the lion’s share of Presley’s decor.
Luke didn’t have a cleaning crew yet, so the plan had been for us to clean the rest after Christmas.
The big question was, would there still be an us after Christmas?
Everyone else was gone now. The chairs from around the tables were stacked neatly along the wall near the door so they were ready to go into storage.
I’d swept the entire main room and tidied up the getting-ready rooms to make sure no one had left anything behind.
Now I was setting the scene for my talk with Luke.
Self-doubt set in deeper with every LED candle I moved to the far end of the barn, which had served as the dance floor during the reception. I kept moving them according to my plan though, with the goal of setting up a romantic backdrop.
Please let us get to the romantic part. Please let him hear me out and forgive me.
The very thought of tonight ending badly made me want to throw up, because I’d admitted it to myself—Luke was the one for me. If I couldn’t have him, I didn’t see how I’d ever want anyone else.
I’d moved two armchairs out from one of the rooms and situated them in the middle of a ring of more than two hundred candles from the reception.
Presley had enthusiastically given her blessing for me to repurpose them for my mission, as she called it.
I’d set up a Bluetooth speaker with romantic piano music in the background.
It was a fine line between overdoing it with romance and making the barn feel homey and comfortable for the most important discussion of my life.
When everything was in place, I curled into one of the chairs, pulled my legs up under me, and texted Luke.
Magnolia: Come out to the barn?
Luke: Do you want to come inside to talk instead?
Magnolia: I have something for you out here.
He didn’t reply, leaving me to hope he was on his way out and not blowing me off. He’d been the one to bring up talking before I’d had the chance. If he wasn’t here in five minutes, I might break down and sob—again.
I was so tired of crying.
The barn door opened three minutes later. Hurdle one cleared. Only a dozen or so to go.
I turned to watch him cross the floor toward me, trying to read his mood. His face gave nothing away, but his body language conveyed fatigue and a hardness I hadn’t seen in him since we’d ended our eighteen-year cold war.
Not exactly encouraging, but it didn’t deter me.
“Hey,” I said, offering up a smile as he approached.
“Hey. What’s going on?” He glanced at the candle display in confusion and stopped between the two chairs but didn’t sit.
“Have a seat?”
He lowered himself to the front half of the cushion, as if he didn’t intend to stay long.
I sat up straighter and smoothed the soft velvet of my dress, gathering my thoughts even though I’d gone over what I wanted to say a dozen times since the barn had emptied.
“Thanks for coming out here.” I sought out eye contact and barreled forward. “Luke, I’m sorry for my reaction the other day. My overreaction.”
“Your explosion?” he asked.
“Yes. Whatever you want to call it, I’m sorry.
Now that I’ve had time to cool down, I can see your only motivation was to do something kind and caring for me, not to control me.
Not to embarrass me. Instead of thinking it through, I jumped to my old way of thinking.
I was completely in the wrong, and you didn’t deserve my wrath. ”
He nodded once. “Thanks for apologizing.”
I kept my eyes on him, hoping he’d say more, but he didn’t.
So I did.
“It came right after my mother steamrolled me, which doesn’t make it okay, but I was already in defense mode. I’m not making excuses. I was in the wrong.” I studied him, silently urging him to say something.
Eventually he said, “I can’t understand how you could find out someone did something nice for you and jump straight to outrage. I don’t know how to handle that, Magnolia.”
“I know. I don’t know how you could handle it either. I’m sure my reaction didn’t make any sense.” I gathered my hair at my nape and pulled it to one side, a nervous tic. “Trust is hard for me, Luke. I haven’t had many people in my life who had my best interests at heart, especially not men.”
He leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and ran a hand over his hair, seeming deep in thought.
“On the surface, I know that,” he said, “but I don’t think I understood how much that could crop up between you and me.
I’m not your father, Magnolia. I’m not your grandfather.
I hope like hell I’m nothing like either of them. ”
“You’re not. If you were, I wouldn’t be with you. I wouldn’t be in love with you.”
His head popped up, and his gaze snapped to mine.
I swallowed and gathered my courage. Then I slid off my chair and kneeled in front of his, needing to be closer to him. “I love you, Luke. I’ve never said those words to a man before.”
My eyes teared up for the seven thousandth time in the past three days, but this time it was different. An overflow of the love I felt for him, the hope I had for us. And yes, I was also terrified he wouldn’t reciprocate.
He straightened and held out his hand. I put mine in his, relishing the feel of his fingers clasping me, holding me there. As if my declaration of love mattered.
Tears overflowed from both my eyes at the same time, dropping down my cheeks.
“Mags,” he said, his voice softening, his whole body softening, as if I’d broken down his rigidity with my vulnerable confession.
I exhaled fully for the first time since he’d entered the barn.
He brushed his finger across my cheek, wiping away my tears. “I love you too.”
My relief rushed out of me in the form of more tears, even though he wasn’t pulling me into his arms and running off with me into the proverbial sunset.
“I want to make us work,” I said, “and I’m so afraid I’m too messed up. I’m working on this trust issue with my therapist, but it’s a lot of years to deprogram, and I might screw up sometimes.”
He squeezed my hand, blew out a breath, and stood. I sat back on my heels in alarm. When he paced slowly toward the speaker I’d set up near the altar, I tried to calm down, noting he wasn’t stomping toward the door.
At the altar, he craned his neck back and looked up at the decor high on the wall, above the small window, a cluster of large metal stars. My heart pounded as I waited for him to say something, to look at me, anything to make me think he wasn’t about to throw his hands up and leave.
“Luke?” I said quietly.
He finally pivoted, came back toward me, and sat on the thick arm of the chair.
“It occurs to me that I added to your trust issues when my mom was fired. You should’ve been able to come to me.
I broke your trust.” Again he craned his head back, this time with his eyes shut.
“Fuck.” He held out his hand again. I stood and took it as I stepped closer. “I’m so sorry for that again, Mags.”
“It’s in the past,” I said.
“Yes, but isn’t that the point? Your past made you who you are. Well, some of who you are. I refuse to credit any of the good parts to that asshole who raised you.”
“I’m glad you think I have some good parts.”
He stood, pulled me tightly into his arms, and held me. I hugged him back, rested my head against his chest, and took comfort in the feel of his arms around me and his heartbeat in my ear.
“You have so many good parts,” he said. “But I love all your parts. Good, bad, sexy, stubborn.”
“I love all your parts too.”
We stood like that for a while, both of us seeming to soak up the feel of the other, as if Luke had missed me as much as I’d missed him the past two days.
“I have something for you,” I eventually said, pulling away enough to look at his handsome face.
He looked puzzled. “A present? Christmas isn’t until tomorrow.”
“Two presents, and you’re getting them tonight.”
“You’re getting yours tomorrow.”
I smiled up at him, taking it as a good sign he’d gotten me a gift. I couldn’t care less about the present itself, but you didn’t give Christmas presents to someone you were planning to break up with.
“Sit,” I said, pointing at his chair again.
I hurried over to where I’d set his gift bag out of sight and took it to him.
“This is heavy.” He went for the handles, but I stopped him.
“Before you look inside, this is part one of your Christmas present. It’s for when I screw up again, because I probably will even though I’m going to do everything in my power to try not to.”
He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me you’re not perfect?”
“Not quite yet,” I said lightly, then went serious. “I’m trying my best though.”
He grabbed my hand and tugged me down close enough to kiss me. “That’s all any of us can do.”
I kissed him again, reveling in the taste of him after two horrible days of no kisses. I managed to pull myself away, straighten, and gesture to the bag.
Luke reached into the folds of tissue paper and drew out the bottle of whiskey. A grin broke out across his face. “You think I’m going to need this, huh?”
“I think we’ll have some champagne moments but probably some whiskey ones too.”
“Sounds about right,” he said, grinning. Then he pulled me onto his lap. “I’m here for both kinds, Mags.”
“So am I. Let’s hope there’s more champagne than whiskey though.”
I put my arms around his neck and kissed him again. It was sometime later that we surfaced and he said, “You said there’s a part two? Does it include sexy lingerie with a bow for me to undo?”
I laughed. “This didn’t seem like the time or place for that, but maybe later?” I sat up straighter on his lap. “It turns out you’re really hard to buy for. All we’ve done since we’ve been together is work and sneak out so we could spend some time together.”
“That’s the truth.”
“My second gift is time for you and me to spend together. I talked to your dad and Scotty and arranged for you to take three full days and two nights off around New Year’s Eve.
We’re going to a quaint little inn in the Smoky Mountains where we can focus on us and nothing else.
Your dad will take care of Addie, and the Holloways are going to have her out for a sleepover for one of those nights to give him a break.
Scotty’s got the farm covered. There will be no working for either of us. ”
He closed his eyes as if savoring the thought of some time away. “That’s literally the best gift you could ever give me,” he said, his voice husky. “Time. With you.” He pulled me closer. “I can’t wait. Thank you, Mags.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, hugging him again. “Confession: It’s not exactly a selfless gift. I want you all to myself for as long as I can have you.”
He pulled me in for a kiss. “You’ve got me, Mags. I’m all yours.”
I repositioned myself so that my legs straddled his lap. “I’m all yours too. But probably not right here in the middle of the barn. Any chance you can get away to my place?”
He laughed. “Have you looked outside lately?”
“It’s snowing. I know,” I said.
“When I came out from the house, there were five or six inches on the ground, and it was still coming down in big, fluffy flakes.”
I frowned, thinking the drive home with my worn tires would not be fun.
“Tomorrow’s Christmas,” Luke said. “We’ve been careful around Addie, but I want to wake up next to you on Christmas morning. Here, in my bed.”
“Are you sure?”
He gave me a knowing look I didn’t quite understand until he said, “There’re six inches of snow out there, Mags. I believe you’re officially snowed in.”
I smiled, my whole body going hot imagining spending a full night with him and waking up beside him. “I didn’t bring any pajamas with me. What ever will I do?”
With a sexy growl, he said, “You’ll have to sleep naked, I’m afraid.”
“Won’t I get cold with no pajamas on?”
“I promise I’ll keep you warm.”
“That’s a really good offer,” I said, my temperature already rising.
“In the morning, I’ll lend you some sweats, and we’ll do Christmas morning the Durham way. Casual, with lots of presents, lots of food, and lots of love.”
Tears filled my eyes again. Who knew one person could produce so many freaking tears? This time they were from utter joy. “Tomorrow will be my very first true, love-filled, family Christmas. There’s no one in the world I’d rather experience that with than you. I love you, Luke.”
“I love you, Mags.”
We disentangled ourselves and stood, left the dozens of battery-operated candles glowing, and ventured out into the snowy night together.