CHAPTER 34
Debra
Sharon was young. She was beautiful. There was no way she would want to be with her in any way other than friendship, and Debra knew it.
Unfortunately, Becky and Helena had already paired off, and everyone now knew why.
Jennifer and Kristina seemed to be happy about having some time alone, and she already knew that Carrie wasn’t the one for her.
Gage definitely wasn’t, either. She was even younger than Sharon and looked like the alpha Debra very much used to be.
She wondered why Nia had thought that she’d be right for this group and worried that she’d waited this long and had spent money on an event that she would soon be leaving empty-handed, just when Sharon approached her with a wide smile.
“Hi,” Sharon said.
“Hi,” she replied.
“I can get the cards if you want,” Sharon offered.
“Sure,” she said, smiling back at her, searching for pity on Sharon’s face.
“Do you want to stop in there first?” Sharon asked after returning to her side, which surprised Debra, who hadn’t expected her to ask about the den, given the fact that Sharon couldn’t want to have sex with her.
“Um… No. Maybe later.”
“Okay.” Sharon looked at her, a little confused. “Your room?”
Debra nodded and followed her down the hallway, surprised again when Sharon seemed to know which room was hers. Sharon waited for her at the door, likely respecting the no-admittance-without-invitation rule, and she pushed open the door for her.
“After you,” she said.
“Thank you.”
Sharon smiled at her again, and it was getting to Debra that she still wasn’t finding that pity she’d expected to find in her expressions.
At dinner, she’d been seated across from Sharon, and she’d looked over at her a few times and had noticed Sharon looking back at her. She’d gotten those same smiles and had attributed them to Sharon being polite, but maybe she’d been wrong about that, too.
“So, sit on the bed, do our mandatory thirty minutes?” Sharon asked.
“Oh, right,” she replied and sat down on the bed next to her, watching Sharon look down at the cards without saying anything for a minute.
“Are you okay?” Sharon asked. “Do you not want to be in here with me? I can go if–”
“What?” Debra asked back. “No, that’s not it at all.”
“You’re just really quiet or something; I don’t know. I’m probably reading into it.”
“Reading into what?”
“You didn’t really smile back at me at dinner. I thought there was a good chance we would get paired up tonight, or at least, tomorrow night, with Helena and Becky paired off for good now. I was trying to maybe, I don’t know, get to know you a little at dinner. Smiles and questions.”
“You asked me if I liked winter,” she said.
“People were talking about skiing. I was trying to start a conversation with you.”
“I’m sorry.” Debra turned to her. “Sharon, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Why did you think I asked you that?”
“Because people were talking, and I was a little quiet. I thought you were being polite.”
“I guess I was doing that, too, but you said you liked it and looked away, so I gave up. Then, you didn’t want to look in the den, which is fine – we don’t have to do anything tonight or even use anything from there – but it was like you couldn’t even see–”
“Sharon, no,” Debra interjected. “God, no. I’m sorry. I think you’re misreading things, but it’s my fault.”
“What am I misreading?”
“You’re… You’re young and beautiful. I’m forty-five years old.”
“So?”
“So, how old are you?”
“Twenty-seven,” Sharon replied. “And I don’t care about age. I want a person who wants me. I want to be happy and make them happy. I don’t care how old they are. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true – I don’t really want someone younger than me.”
“No? Why not?”
“I want someone who’s ready to be settled, and I don’t know that many people younger than me are. I’m sure there might be some who are, but I’m not seeking them out. I put that in my application for the event: I wanted someone older.”
“How much older? We’re talking almost twenty years here.”
“I’m almost twenty-eight. When do you turn forty-six?”
Debra laughed and said, “In about eight months.”
“Okay. So, I’ll be twenty-eight, and you’ll be forty-five. That’s only seventeen years, not twenty.”
“I said almost twenty.”
“Well, I’m okay with it. Can you not see yourself with a younger woman? Because that would be an issue, obviously. I can’t exactly change my age.”
“I can. I never have been, but I can. I just didn’t think a woman in her twenties would be into someone like me.”
“Why wouldn’t a younger woman want you?”
“Let’s see… I’m a homebody who’s just started going through menopause. When I was asked about my dream vacation earlier this week, I said a rustic cottage in the English countryside, where I read books by a fire and drink tea. The most exciting part of that trip would be walks.”
“Around the English countryside?”
“Yes. Exciting, huh?”
“Sounds good to me,” Sharon said.
“For your dream vacation?”
“For yours,” Sharon replied and turned to her, sitting cross-legged on the bed.
“Mine would be a little different, but not by much. I like to relax. I spend all day right now making expensive coffee drinks for people. I’m on my feet for eight to ten hours and barely make enough to make rent.
I’d love to sip tea, not coffee, by a fireplace, and that’s especially true if someone is there holding me.
I might add time on the water in a sailboat or just picking up pebbles or shells on a beach and relaxing there, but that sounds pretty perfect for me. ”
“You said right now.”
“What?”
“You said you were a barista right now.”
“Oh. I was a recruiter. I got laid off, so I’ve been working at a coffee place while I try to find something else.”
“Do you like recruiting?”
“I love it. I don’t know that I want to do it forever. I’d like to work my way up at a company, maybe in HR. I heard you mention that you’re an accountant earlier?”
“I am. Well, I’m the head of finance in a corporation, but I’m also a CPA.”
“Why did I hear you say that you’re just an accountant, then?”
“Because I am an accountant.”
“But you’re not just one. And being an accountant is really fucking hard. I have a friend who was trying to get his CPA after getting a finance degree, and he couldn’t do it. It was too hard.”
“It’s complicated. Laws change a lot, and the government doesn’t make it easy.”
“Do you like it?”
“I like what I do now. I was a CPA on my own for about ten years before I took this job. I worked as an accountant in a tax firm before that, liking it enough, but I wanted to branch out on my own, so I did. Then, I took this job.”
“What made you take it?”
“Well, my wife died, and I needed a fresh start. I closed up my office and interviewed around for a few months before I found this place. They were looking for someone with experience, and I had it. It’s worked well so far.”
“How long has it been?” Sharon asked.
“Five years,” she replied. “I’m finally ready to try again, but it’s complicated because I’m not sure many people would want to give someone like me a try at a relationship. I have a lot of baggage.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Sharon offered. “I can listen tonight if that’s what you need.”
“No, I… I’d rather talk about you or maybe us. I don’t know if there can be an us… I’m not exactly great at talking myself up, am I?” She laughed.
“I like it. You’re humble. Humble is good.”
“Humble can make it really hard to meet someone when you’re trying to make an impression.”
“I don’t think it’s about someone being impressive to me,” Sharon said.
“I think it should be about you liking what the other person brings to the table. I mean, look at me – I’m not exactly impressive.
I work in a café, and I had to go into debt to pay for this event.
I have a decent apartment, which I could lose if I don’t get enough hours, and I have no prospects for the job I really want. ”
“You got laid off. It happens. You’re doing the best you can.”
“You’re doing the best you can, too, Debra. We all are.”
“You asked me earlier if I wanted to look at the things in the den. Did you actually want to do that, or was it because you thought you had to?”
“I wanted to,” Sharon replied.
“For a night with me?”
Sharon laughed and said, “Yes. Why is that so hard to believe? I think you’re hot.”
Debra laughed back and said, “I am not hot.”
“Those blue eyes of yours disagree. Plus, I can tell that you have a little butch swagger in there. You just don’t show it off.”
“You’re looking for a butch?”
“I happen to like butch women, yes, but I like all types of people. I should be clear about that since it was a problem in a past relationship.”
“What was?”
“I’m pan,” Sharon told her.
“Great.”
“Great?”
“Yeah. I’m a lesbian, and I’ve never been attracted to a man, but it’s all on a spectrum, right? Everyone is whoever they are. I don’t have any right to even have a say or a problem with that.”
“Don’t you, though? If you’re with them?”
“No,” she stated. “If your ex had a problem with your sexuality, then fuck them. You deserve better. The only thing I care about is that the woman I’m with wants to be with me.
I want to fall in love again, if I’m lucky, and be with only her.
I don’t care what her sexuality is. And I mean that in a good way; not in a way like I’d be dismissive of it or something. ”
“I can’t see you being dismissive of many things.”
“You really wanted to have sex with me tonight?”
“I thought we could maybe get to know each other first, but I am definitely open to the idea, yes,” Sharon stated. “I should be honest again and say that I’ve…”
“Oh. With the others?”
“Yes,” Sharon replied. “Is that okay? I don’t know how it works if we’ve been with someone else here. We should tell the person we’re with tonight, right?”
“I was with someone here, too,” she shared. “And it’s definitely okay. Part of why we’re all here, right? I’m actually convinced Nia is some kind of genius for how she puts this all together. She has a genuine talent for it.”
Sharon laughed and said, “Yeah, I can tell. Do you want to maybe do these now?”
“Do we need them?” Debra asked. “I think we’re doing okay without the planned questions, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do,” Sharon replied. “Can we maybe get a little more comfortable, though?”
“Of course. How?”
“Lie down.”
“Okay,” Debra said and lay on the bed, but Sharon did not move. “Everything okay?” she asked her.
“Can I lie on your chest?”
“You want me to hold you?”
“For now, yeah,” Sharon said.
“Come here,” she replied with a smile.
Sharon moved to lie next to her, and Debra wrapped her arm around Sharon’s shoulders, bringing her in closer. Then, she let out a deep breath. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but this felt really good.